Bachelor in Paradise episode 14 recap: They’re droppin’ like flies!
Bachelor in Paradise episode 14 is upon us and while one girl was meant to be sent home, a total of FIVE HOTTIES go home. In one episode!
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WITH Leah and Eden formally evicting themselves last episode, that leaves only one single guy (AmJar) and two single girls (Elora and Flo) left to frolic in joyous singledom.
Everyone else is boring and happily shacked up. Other has already confirmed there’s nobody else coming.
CATCH UP ON RECENT BACHELOR IN PARADISE RECAPS:
EPISODE 11: WHO’S THAT SMOOCHING?
So right now it’s just heaps of happy couple shots, which is just sickening.
“But Sally, isn’t this a show about finding love? Shouldn’t you be happy?” No, voice in my head! Happy means drama-free! That is not what I signed up for.
But, as Apowlo gives us his rundown of his and Simone’s relationship — which is there but not that serious — I sense d-ramaaa! Also I saw it in last night’s preview so … yeah. There’s that. Somehow, Elora hears that Apowlo is having Simone doubts and despite there only being three days left, she’s totally going to pounce.
It may be a slow episode, because only five minutes in Osher arrives to let the gang know there will be a rose ceremony that night, however, since there are more hoes than bros, the bros will have the power again. It’s male supremacy all over again, we’ve been fighting this oppression for centuries Osh we don’t need it from you too. Unbelievable.
But, nevertheless, she decides to go for what she wants, again, because it went soooo well for her the first time. Cut to previews of Elora and Apowlo fire twirling and heaps of terrible “sparks fly” and “heating up” wordplay. Sorry, I’m only cranky because I didn’t think of it first.
So Elora’s cunning plan to win Apowlo’s attention is basically what bitter divorced parents do to an only child — dangle toys in front of their face. Elora has conjured up some fire sticks and he is honestly the second happiest he’s ever been on the island. The first was the milk bath. They dress up like Amazonian witches and absolutely slather themselves in oil, which CANNOT be safe considering they’re about to hurl an open flame around their bodies but whatever. What do I know.
So they’re twirling, twirrrling and they’re quite good but Simone acts like she’s watching them have passionate sex on the beach and are yelling out “GUYS! GUYS! COME WATCH US HAVE INTERCOURSE!” She’s so immature I can’t deal. At least pretend to be happy and then act passive aggressively towards them all night. You know, like an adult? But while Elora is falling madly in love with Apowlo, he is completely oblivious this was a seduction plot.
And is equally oblivious that Simone is upset. Which is fine because Simone shouldn’t be upset and he should have to coddle her. It’s super smart of her to rip into him just before a rose ceremony though.
Then in the meantime Flo and Elora are shamelessly battling it out for AmJar’s rose but he’s so jaded by now I think he’s mentally checked out of paradise. Let’s not forget this is his third Bachelor in Paradise in addition to failing at The Bachelorette so by this point he must be feeling pretty low.
Flo’s flirting was more shameless though so I reckon he’ll go her.
Rose ceremony time, one girl’s outta here.
But before that, did I miss the salmon memo for this cocktail party?!
Anyway, it’s about the most exciting revelation of this episode. Carry on.
Grant goes Ali of course (still waiting for that relocation chat), Pink Boi goes Keira, Sammy goes Tarz, Jake goes Megan, Thomas goes Rachael, now for AmJar. He picks up his rose and gives a speech “I came into Paradise with the hope of finding love bla bla bla …” and he decides to ditch his rose, ditch the women and ditch paradise! He pops his rose back on its pedestal and skips the hell outta there. Not a bad choice mate.
Next up is Apowlo, who having experienced the slightest bit of drama is a shell of a man. I hope he gives his rose to Flo. Nah he gives it to Simone, but in the middle of a bear hug mouths over Simone’s shoulder “Sorry” to Elora. And that’s that, right? Nope. We’ve still got time for an emotional breakdown from Apowlo. He talks about how it’s been so hard and she goes straight into relationship chat, how obviously things will continue outside. She wants to be on the outside and surprisingly he agrees?! I was not expecting that. I was expecting a breakup — imagine Simone being broken up with! She would lose it! How dare you deprive us of that!? They agree to leave, to go build pillow forts and have pirate ship battles in the “real world”.
The next morning everyone doesn’t seem too phased, they just joke about Apowlo doing magic tricks — POOF! And they’re gone.
POOF! And Osher appears! He informs the crew that was indeed the last rose ceremony and the next days will be deciding if they want to be together. Sammy and Tarz hi-5, Ali says “I’m already pregnant bro,” whereas Rachael and Thomas are like “Awkwaarrddd”.
They’re being forced to have a rest-of-our-lives chat a few days into knowing each other. So funny. They decide it’s over and Rachael is still *SHOOK*. “It’ll happen when you least expect it,” Rachael says. I guess it would technically be unexpected to find love on a televised island but not today sista.
MORE BACHELOR IN PARADISE RECAPS:
EPISODE 11: WHO’S THAT SMOOCHING?
EPISODE 10: THE MOST LIT EP YET
EPISODE 9: CATFIGHT OVER MAGIC MAN
EPISODE 4: JAKE DODGES A GLASS
EPISODE 3: TARA FALLS HEAD OVER HEELS
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