Bachelor in Paradise episode 10 recap: The most lit episode yet
Episode 10 of Bachelor in Paradise is absolutely freaking bonkers. People leave, there’s a fake love letter, a new guy comes, four guys get in a bath like WHAT!?
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OH EM GEE GUYS ANOTHER CANADIAN RUN FOR FREAKING COVER.
I am still so, so scarred by the last Canadia and now there’s another one. His name is Thomas.
A few interesting things to note here: Jake and Megan having idle chit chat and Megan says nobody could come in that could make Jake worry. Interesting. How great would that be if Megan went rogue?!
Oh dear he’s a douche too. He describes himself an international fashion model, which totally explains why everyone yells “Who’s that?!” when he arrives. Because you know he’s an extremely successful and well-known fashion model guys!
Tara greets him with “Oh a Canadian! We just got rid of one of you, hopefully you’re better than him!” Bloody hell Tara can you get anymore golden.
Hell to the yeah, Megan wants him and she’s very open about it.
BACHELOR IN PARADISE RECAP EPISODE 9
She likes the man bun. He wants a piece too and he grabs her for a chat. Jake craps his pants.
Their chat just seems to be a lot of giggling and meaningful looks back and forth and I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Megan giggle. SHE’S GIGGLING. Actually I think it’s the first time I’ve seen her look not like a sullen teenager.
Sammy and Luke walk down the beach hand-in-hand and Lisa says “God we got the best two didn’t we?” to Tarz and yeah, actually, ya did.
But this further backs up that Lisa and Luke are solid despite Socceroo’s stunt. This is even furtherer backed up by Lisa saying yes, she and Luke will be a couple after the show ends so there ya go.
But Socceroo still wants Lisa. They have a chat and everything he says is just a string of cliches. “You get one life” “I’m not about playing it safe” “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down”. She basically shuts him down, swiftly but politely, and he’s crushed, but he gets it.
HOLY MOLEY HE’S BAILING. He can’t have his toy so he’s spitting the dummy and leaving. It was literally Lisa or nobody. Oh man it’s actually pretty devastating the poor darling. I don’t think he even said goodbye to anyone. Well there ya bloody go! You can’t say his intentions aren’t pure!
But then HOLY DOUBLE MOLEY! LISA SAYS SHE WANTS TO LEAVE PARADISE TOO TO BE WITH LUKE.
Laying on a cabana she asks if he’s ready to go, like they’re at a mates barbecue and she’s sick of pretending she’s interested in boy chat.
Why you’d want to leave the bottomless pit of pina coladas I have no idea. Bailing on a free holiday with endless amounts of alcohol (and food I assume … they never show food but they’re eating aren’t they??) would be a deal-breaker for me. Get your priorities straight.
Luke’s freaking out. He says he’s more of a slow burn guy, like non-symptomatic gonorrhoea. It’s so funny because in this moment you can pinpoint the exact reasons they’re both single. Lisa loves commitment and obviously hates fun (and pina coladas) and Luke takes things so slowly girls never know where he’s at. Sign me up as a relationship expert of MAFs, I’d do an infinitely better job than those clowns.
Regardless, she says she’s going to leave but he doesn’t have to. She’s ultimatum-ing him. She’s packing her bags.
He’s having a meltdown. “Don’t think I’m putting pressure on you,” she says, pressurely. He’s crying, she’s crying. He says Lisa, it’s your birthday, I’ma comin’ girl.
They’re leaving, my mind is blown, that was super intense. Just what what what they’re gone. They’re dropping like freaking flies. WHAT ABOUT THE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF PINA COLADAS YOU QUITTERS!!!
Back chillin, nobody seems phased at all … do they even know? Maybe Osher came along and told them they’ve gone to a special Bachelor farm where they can run and play and they’ll be taken care of. We’re happy for them. But other than that Tarz is musing on why Jarrod tells such bad stories and also why he’s so red. Oh and that Elora is totally wrong for Apowlo.
There’s a date card and I think we all know what’s about to happen.
BACHELOR IN PARADISE RECAP EPISODE 8
Yep. Elora’s about to try and coax Apowlo’s rabbit outta his hat.
Apowlo and Elora are on their date nibbling on Devonshire tea under a soggy hut in the rain. She is just infatuated with this dude! She wants a nice guy and well yes he’s too nice darling because on this epic revenge date he’s sitting there hoping he hasn’t hurt Simone’s feelings. Apowlo is just being him, there is no romantic connection (I mean having a romantic connection with a seven-year-old would be a little wrong), but Elora’s obsession grows with every word and every fake laugh.
They come back and Simone is having an unfiltered rant, absolutely dissecting every little thing that’s happening. When Elora and Apowlo return, they get a standing ovation. It’s like they’ve just returned from war, everyone’s kissing and hugging them, there’s claps and cheers. Simone’s reception yesterday was frosty as hell. OK that doesn’t make sense. Frosty as frost hell.
She’s got a point but normal people usually internalise that. On this island people internalise and drink until they can’t feel feelings anymore. I personally partake in the latter, it’s extremely effective but my body hurts all the time. Highly recommend. Simone just lets it ALL out.
But then, Apowlo heads straight for Simone and asks if she’s OK. She’s like “pshh yaasss new phone who dis?” He says he missed her and sweet frosty mother of Gawd Elora is not happy. I feel like she’s going to turn into that demon lady at the end of Ghostbusters. The first one (and best one).
Next day, Thomas approaches Megan and asks her for a date, under the desperate, watchful eye of Jake. What will she do!? Jake rejected a date so you’d have to think Megan would too! Especially with her history of sweet sweet rejection.
She says no to the date. Wow. Suddenly Jake the Snake is one of the most solid couples on the island. I wonder how this ends but I predict they won’t last. Soz. I am basing this off the fact that Megan isn’t following Jake on Instagram at the moment (and the internet NEVER lies).
Thomas then heads over to everybody’s second option, Leah, and she says she doesn’t feel it romantically with him. He gives it a third shot with Simone, who also says no. “Interesting” he says, and yes, I do agree sir. He consoles himself on a seat by himself and I wanna yell TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF YOU DUMB IDIOT THESE GIRLS ARE SHALLOW. Oh lord he’s crying. He’s sitting alone and crying. It’s so hot take me now!
Bless these lovely guys, led by Pink Boi, Sammy and Apollo all head over and tell Thomas they’re all going to go on the date together. Then it’s just a big hot mess of YIIII BOIISSSS and hi fives. It’s very ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO circa Zoolander. Jitterbug begins to play.
Not really, instead they play some hyper masculine electric guitar solo and they walk down the beach in slow motion together.
And they walk until they see … a milk bath. They’re all squished in this one person milk bath, slipping and sliding and Sammy puts on a Swedish accent and I am losing it.
This might be my favourite scene on any Bachelor ever. EVAR.
I wish that was the whole episode but there’s more, guys, MOAR. There’s already been (to the tune of The First Day of Christmas) four boys in a milk bath, three shock departures, two birds digging Magic Man and a Pink Boi looking thirstyyy.
Now, there’s a love letter.
As a fellow poet and scholar, I appreciate the old fashionedness (that’s meant to be irony). It’s from American Jared to Elora and it puts him into second place for her rose. Women — one guy barely shows any interest and he’s No. 1, another guys pours his heart out onto paper and he’s No. 2. Hehe No. 2.
Excuse my French right now but HOLY F**CKING S**T IT’S NOT FROM AMJAR. THE LETTER IS A PLANT.
OH MY GOD MY JAW IS ON THE GROUND. HE DIDN’T WRITE IT I REPEAT! THIS HAS SIMONE WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. BOMBSHELL. AmJar is like “Who is that stupid?!”
But he knows if he says anything, Elora may possibly murder Simone. But PLOT TWIST IT WAS EDEN. Of course he would do something this immature what a moron! Also, everyone knew about it. Whyyyy why Eden you absolute lunatic?!
And he’s soo proud of himself too.
Elora is strutting around like she’s hot property. AmJar, being the nice guy he is, calmly tells Eden he’s in an awkward position now because of him and Eden says “You should be thanking me”. OOH Eden like I know you’re being sent home any minute now but you’re really annoying me in these last moments.
Megan obviously drew the short straw and has to tell Elora it’s a fake.
It takes Elora a few moments to process what’s just been said and in this moment all I can think of is Keira’s explosion (YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG PERSON! WRONG PERSON!) because I would not want to mess with Elora. I feel so bad for her. Eden apologises but too little too late dude. He says it didn’t come from a place of malice but what other reason would there be? Super uncool.
We’re straight into the rose ceremony and the girls have the power. Only one guy will go and SURELY it’ll be Eden. But it could also be Thomas since the only connections he made were with other penises in a milk bath.
Simone is first, she picks Apowlo (obviously), which means Elora’s rose will be a wildcard. She could save Eden … crazier things have happened. Leah’s next, she goes AmJar. Tarz goes Sammy, Ali goes Grant, Keira goes Pink Boi.
All pretty standard. Keira encourages Elora to just pick Thomas. Megan goes Jake. So it’s down to Thomas and Eden for Elora to pick from. Holy freakin crap she chooses Eden and I can’t deal with women.
Why am I doing this. I hate this stupid show. Why not just choose the Canadian hottie who DIDN’T toy with your emotions? I can only assume she did it for some drawn out revenge plan. We can only hope.
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