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I grew a moustache in a cafe the other day. You can, too: just order the Citrusy Moustache at Four Kilo Fish, a small, cosy six-year-old hideout in Hawthorn run by two women from Yunnan in south-western China.

This frisky mocktail comprises cold brew coffee topped with orange-infused whipped cream: sipping the dark chocolatey coffee combined with the citrus-spiked zest-laden froth is like drinking a Jaffa. Take hearty slurps and you’ll develop a handsome mo, too.

You’ve probably realised: Four Kilo Fish is not a fish shop. This friendly cafe’s moniker is a pun on co-owner Sijin Yu’s name, which sounds like the Mandarin for “four kilo fish”.

Sijin (she usually goes by Yee) and her business partner Joey Chen became friends at high school in Yunnan, moved to Australia 10 years ago to study accounting and marketing respectively, then combined their skills to showcase the coffee of their home province in Melbourne.

Yee and Joey visit farms near their town of Pu’er, import the very best beans, and roast them on Tuesdays (when the cafe is closed) at a shared roastery in Port Melbourne.

Most of the coffee served in Australian cafes originates in South America or Africa; Chinese coffee barely registers. In 2023, mountainous Yunnan grew 7800 tonnes of coffee beans, which is almost all of China’s output. That might sound like a lot, but it’s only about 0.06 per cent of worldwide production.

As far as I know, the only other places in Melbourne that serve Chinese specialty coffee are Calere in Fitzroy, Chiaki in Collingwood and Manta Ray in Nunawading, all worth seeking out.

Four Kilo Fish threads diverse Yunnanese flavours through its approachable food menu, too. You can have chilli scrambled eggs but it will be seasoned with house-made spicy sauce. There’s a cheesy beef mince sando laced with mint, a traditional meat flavouring.

Lemongrass chicken on rice nods to Yunnan’s proximity to south-east Asian neighbours such as Myanmar, Laos and Vietnam.

The Yunnanese “bolognese” on rice is Joey Chen’s purest comfort food, a soupy soul-warming pork mince stir-fry with tomato, chilli and mushrooms, served with a fried egg to steer it to brunch territory.

There are fusion flavours: the cheesy corn jaffle incorporates Japanese-style curry and there’s a mind-bending toastie that jams together kimchi, cheese and peanut butter. What a combo!

We’ve talked about coffee but tea is actually the world’s favourite beverage and Four Kilo Fish sources leaves from Yunnan.

I tried their oolong, soaked twice in boiling water, then brewed with a third change of water for a minute and a half before straining into a warmed pot. The flavours are delicate and complex, sweet but somehow crisp. Sipping this special brew didn’t leave me with a moustache but it did give me a four-kilo glow.