When Harry Styles visited Melbourne’s Cibi for a green tea last year, the Japanese cafe and design store was inundated with his TikTok-obsessed fans. They kept coming months after Styles’ visit, and Cibi eventually had to ban guests from shooting social media content on their phones. God help any Australian restaurant, then, that Taylor Swift pops into this month.

Time magazine’s Person of the Year will play three shows in Melbourne, kicking off February 16, before a four-night stint in Sydney from February 23. Provided Swift doesn’t hightail back to the US on her private jet between cities, this means she will have four nights free for dinner in Australia — not to mention plenty of opportunities for lunch and cocktails. And if there’s one thing the Good Food team knows all too well about Taylor Swift, it’s that she really, really likes going out for lunch. And cocktails.

The internet is thick with lists detailing all the bars and restaurants Swift has visited in New York City over the past few years, but especially in the last 12 months. We’ve studied these lists, and – through a comprehensive, systematic review – have identified the key trends of Swift’s dining habits in Manhattan. Using this research, we believe we can predict where she will make an impromptu appearance while in Australia. This is highly scientific stuff.

Notably, Swift isn’t concerned with eating at any of the super-hip, new places New York food critics are raving about. White-hot restaurants such as Sailor, Tatiana and Torrisi don’t get a look-in. There are very few omakase and tasting menus; even fewer steakhouses, yum cha sessions and burger joints (though she is partial to the occasional cheeseburger, and local chain Betty’s fits the bill, given it shares its name with a Folklore character and tune).

But there is plenty of seafood, Italian and a la carte sushi on her list. Reliable, celebrity-loved institutions such as Minetta Tavern, Waverly Inn and Emilio’s Ballato get a fair crack too. (Restaurateur Keith McNally even posted Swift and Phoebe Bridgers’ Minetta Tavern order on Instagram – oysters, scallops, Dover sole and lobster vol-au-vents, if you’re wondering.) As for bars: darker is better, preferably with martinis, a chic fit-out and semi-private rooms.

So with all that in mind, here are our predictions for where Swift could (and should) eat in Melbourne.

The dive bar on the East side

“I knew from the first Old Fashioned we were cursed,” sings Swift in Getaway Car. If she is indeed into Old Fashioneds, it has to be Heartbreaker, a late-night dive bar on the east side of the CBD grid where Travis Kelce can meet Swift in the back (a la Delicate) after midnights like this. However, if Kelce starts singing Viva Las Vegas from the jukebox like he did after the Super Bowl win, and a getaway car is required for a Swift exit, she can grab some of those Everleigh Bottling Co. cocktails to-go.

For a martini, Apollo Inn near Gimlet (see below) is an intimate space with only 28 seats, including two booths: one a semi-private horseshoe, the other a leather, Reputation-like serpent. There are four martinis on offer, with enough variation to keep things interesting, all served in Delicate tiny crystal glasses.

The Italian

If we were card sharks, playing games, it’s equal odds for Rosetta – Crown’s glamorous riverside fine diner – or Bourke Street Italian stalwart Grossi Florentino. The former is by the water and has a strong focus on seafood, plus a private dining room. For Italian food with a more contemporary edge, it’s hard to go past Little Bourke Street neighbours Tipo 00 and Hardware Club; although Italian-American-inspired Capitano in Carlton is another strong option, ditto Ronnie’s in the Rialto building, given its original menu was created by an ex-Carbone (New York) chef.

The Welcome to New York-style brasserie

While the Trader House Group remains tight-lipped, Andrew McConnell’s grand dining room Gimlet is a certified celebrity magnet. Perhaps Swift’ll swing by the private room for a Good Food-approved post-show cheeseburger from the late-night supper menu. With its New York classic thing that she likes, we would be more surprised if Swift doesn’t eat at Gimlet while she’s here.

Another contender is the grand Reine & La Rue, housed in the Gold Rush-era former stock exchange. With its soaring ceilings, stained-glass windows and seafood on ice, it’s a Gorgeous pick.

Speaking of French, we wouldn’t be too shocked to see Swift visit France-Soir either. The old-school South Yarra charmer has been catering to A-listers, including mutual fan Bruce Springsteen, since 1986, and it never goes out of style.

The sushi spot

Swift and boyfriend Travis Kelce were spotted at a Nobu in New York in December, and – at the risk of this list reading like an advertorial for Crown – there’s also an outpost of the glitzy Japanese restaurant chain at the Melbourne casino. A Nobu visit seems likely – we strongly suspect Swift and her entourage will be staying at Crown Towers – but if Swift is keen to try one of our home-grown establishments, glitzy inner-city celebrity favourite Kisume and South Yarra’s Yugen Dining both provide the kind of slick, modern Japanese menu she seems to go for (and have private rooms, although the former’s is in a gilded cage which will surely make all the tables turn).

The seafood restaurant

Speaking of raw fish and rice, discreet, backstreet three-hatted Minamishima in Richmond is the obvious pick of the city’s omakase restaurants. But for a Lover-coded room with a view and stunning seafood, it has to be the Stokehouse and its premium platter with scallops and lobster. Also in St Kilda, Donovans beachfront location and American coastal decor might remind Swift of her house in the Hamptons. However, hatted Pipis Kiosk in Albert Park is the smarter idea to avoid paparazzi while wearing a nice dress, staring at the sunset.

The Wildest Dreams wildcard

There’s every chance Swift will get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds, and shack up in a Portsea mansion with a private chef and helipad, just like Leo, in Saint-Tropez. If so, it would be a shame not to book at least one lunch at Osteria Tedesca in Red Hill – the farmhouse-style kitchen-dining room would be right up her alley.

Back in the city, if we had another Blank Space, we’re going to take a punt on Society, given it has a private lift with direct access to The Green Room, replete with a private kitchen and bar, where Swift can down Caviar Martinis, lobster tarts and oysters with blood orange and marjoram dressing (or should that be Marjorie dressing?).

Six themed treats for visiting Swifties

• Shake it off with a thick shake and a burger at Betty’s Burgers
• Snack on Swift’s viral football snack of fried chicken tenders with “seemingly ranch” and hot honey at Hector’s Deli
• Enjoy a slice of key-lime (green) pie at the latest JollyGood in Collingwood.
• The froufrou cruffins at Lune are shaped like the bridesmaid’s dress in Speak Now — or try this month’s special, a finger-bun twice-baked croissant topped with Lover-ly pink or cream icing
• Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine … of champagne. Yes, you can say: Dom Perignon, you bought it, from the dedicated vending machine at Vue de Monde, and toast your Champagne Problems like a baller. (It’s located by the entrance to the South Tower, and only available during Lui Bar operating hours.)
• Spent too much on merch? Bijou Wine Bar in the CBD has bottles priced somewhere between Dom and your roommate’s screw-top cheap-ass rosé.