Sherele Moody: Why ‘abusive’ dating app users are being outed on Facebook
Delays to the roll-out of a national DV register are having deadly consequences for Australian women. SHERELE MOODY writes women should not be forced to track offenders via social media.
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While our governments dilly dally on a national domestic violence perpetrator database, women across the country are finding innovative ways to alert others about the abusive men on dating apps.
It’s not ideal for citizens to be taking matters into their own hands - not the least because the women at the forefront of this movement are doing so at great risk legally and exposing themselves to trolling and possible payback.
By my count, 55 women have been killed unlawfully this year. At least 24 of died as a result of violence allegedly perpetrated by current or former partners.
SEE EVERY WOMAN LOST TO ALLEGED INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE BELOW
The death this week of Dannielle Finlay-Jones really rams home the need for a federal database.
Dannielle - a 31-year-old student support office and dedicated women’s footy advocate - was staying overnight at a friend’s place in Cranebrook, NSW, with Ashley Gaddie, who she had only been dating for a short time.
It’s alleged Gaddie assaulted her sometime between the evening of December 17 and the morning of December 18.
It is also alleged he left her injured in the bed and fled from the scene by crawling out a window.
Dannielle’s friends found her in a critical condition. Sadly, she could not be saved.
Gaddie was arrested after a 12-hour intensive stand-off with cops in the Blue Mountains.
Had Dannielle been able to request his domestic violence history from a federal database, she might still be alive.
But that database does not exist despite extensive lobbying of state and territory governments and the federal government by high profile Australians including journalist and former MP Derryn Hinch.
A national database can only work if every police force, court and government across Australia works together to share information.
Currently, there are major issues with information sharing between police and courts in each jurisdiction.
Even when details are shared between authorities, civilians are not able to access it.
Which brings me back to women taking control of their lives and their safety.
Aussie women have a long history of making change when governments fail to meet our basic fundamental rights.
June of 2022 marked the 120th anniversary of women’s suffrage in our country.
That was when most women got the right to vote and the right to run for parliament.
It was women who lobbied, campaigned and protested to make this change.
History shows this result was not perfect - the rights did not extend to Indigenous women, women under the age of 21 and women of non-European background.
Many of these refuges still exist as do women-centric support and legal services.
In Australia, about one quarter of women experience emotional abuse in their relationships, one in three are sexually violated and the same number are assaulted by current or former lovers.
In other words, everyone knows a woman who has been abused and in most cases that woman is themselves.
With such high levels of violence against women, it makes sense to have a shared domestic violence database - accessible under strict circumstances - by women who have concerns about their, or another’s, safety.
Broken Crayon’s Still Colour Foundation founder Rach Mac is a survivor of intimate partner violence.
he is also the creator of a large social media group offering Aussie women the chance to find information on men they are planning to date.
Run at great risk by Rach, the group is the only one in Australia. It’s membership sits around the 4000 mark and it grows daily.
Members post photos and domestic violence histories of the men they know in the group so others can be aware of who they should avoid.
And other women post photos and the dating app profiles of their would-be dates as well as their names, locations and any other relevant information. In someone in the group knows the guy, they will point out any red flags.
Obviously, Rach faces major legal issues including the potential to be sued for defamation should a man find out he has been wrongly spoken about and the risk some women might make untrue allegations.
But Rach says she takes every precaution, including asking to view criminal histories or domestic violence orders.
She tells me, had a national database existed when she met her own abuser she would have walked away.
“If I had seen my abuser’s name on a register, I would have been able to save myself suffering horrific domestic violence,” she says.
“I created this page to protect women.
“We’ve had posts highlighting convicted sex offenders, convicted abusers and even killers.
“The group has kept women safe.”
As one member says, groups like this can be the difference between life and death.
“After my marriage I ended up dating another abusive guy for three months so I appreciate these groups looking out for each other,” she says.
Women have long walked at night with keys held between fingers ready to defend themselves should danger strike.
We avoid dark lonely places, we shield our drinks in case someone tries to drug them, we avoid running on the same paths and we have friends call us during dates to check we are OK.
Many well-meaning people - including police - tell women not to meet up with strangers from dating apps - they say women should only go out with those people they know (HINT: Even men we know can be abusive).
Surely, it would be so much easier - and safer - if women could simply seek a background check from authorities?
THE WOMEN ALLEGEDLY LOST TO INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE IN 2022
Of the 55 women killed unlawfully in 2022, at least 24 of died as a result of violence allegedly perpetrated by current or former partners. These are the women we have lost since January 1.
January 13, 2022: 39-year-old dental nurse and mother-of-two Poonam Sharma and her six-year-old daughter Vanessa Sharma were stabbed to death in Mill Park, Victoria. Their partner and father has pleaded guilty to their murders.
January 30, 2022: The body of 19-year-old medical student Arnima Hayat was found in her home at North Parramatta, New South Wales. Her husband is charged with her murder.
February 14, 2022: 46-year-old grandmother Vanessa Godfrey was allegedly killed at Pelican Waters Resort, Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Vanessa’s partner is charged with her murder.
March 12, 2022: 25-year-old mother-of-three Synamin Bell was allegedly killed at her home in Millicent, South Australia. Synamin’s partner is charged with her murder.
March 18, 2022: 36-year-old Kylie Griffiths died in hospital after she was allegedly set on fire at her home in Albanvale, Victoria. Kylie’s partner is charged over her death.
March 23, 2022: 26-year-old Miss Headland died in hospital after she was allegedly stabbed in her home at Nollamara, Western Australia. Miss Headland’s partner is charged with her murder.
March 25, 2022:21-year-old mother-of-one Mackenzie Anderson was allegedly stabbed to death at her home in Mayfield, New South Wales. Mackenzie’s former partner is charged with her murder.
April 8, 2022: An unnamed 47-year-old woman was allegedly bashed to death in the driveway of a home at Manunda, Queensland. The woman’s 47-year-old partner has been charged with her murder.
April 19, 2022: 40-year-old mum-of-three Danielle Patricia Jordan was allegedly killed in Melba, Australian Capital Territory. Danielle’s partner is charged with her murder.
April 30, 2022: 35-year-old mother-of-one and detailer Chen Cheng was allegedly bashed to death in her home at Croydon North, Victoria. Chen’s husband has pleaded guilty to her murder.
July 17, 2022: 30-year-old A.K. and her 14-week-old baby were shot to death by her
partner at an outstation near Alice Springs, Northern Territory. The 40-year-old man also killed himself.
July 20, 2022: 43-year-old business owner and mum-of-two Shereen Kumar was allegedly killed at her home in Dural, New South Wales. Shereen’s partner has been charged with her murder.
August 8, 2022: 47-year-old mother Jifeng (Eileen) Liu and her son Wenhao (Sam) Du were allegedly murdered at her home in Stretton, Queensland. Her partner is charged with their murder.
August 9, 2022: 47-year-old Florrie (Kory) Reuben died in a fire at her house in Ayr, Queensland. Her former partner Isei Navutovuto, 65, was hospitalised with injuries from the fire, which it is believed he deliberately lit. He died. Police attended Florrie’s home shortly before the fire broke out. Officers left the property despite there being a domestic violence order in place to protect Florrie. Queensland Police command is investigating if officers made the wrong decision by leaving.
August 23, 2022: A 92-year-old unnamed woman was killed by her husband at their home in Glynde, South Australia. He also killed himself.
August 13, 2022:44-year-old mother-of-four Tania Lee Trickey was allegedly beaten to death and her body left on a path in Bluewater, Queensland. Tania’s partner has been charged with her murder.
October 6, 2022: 74-year-old Christine Barker was killed in her home in Bronte Road, Bronte, New South Wales. Christine’s husband is charged with her murder.
October 22, 2022: The body of 18-year-old Emily Nicole Thompson was found near Park Road, Nambour, Queensland. Emily was allegedly killed at a location in Strathpine. Her former partner is charged with murder and misconduct with a corpse.
November 20, 2022:40-year-old mother-of-five Vitorina Bruce was allegedly stabbed to death at the Quality Hotel Ambassador Perth, East Perth, Western Australia. Vitorina’s partner has been charged with her murder.
November 30, 2022:An unnamed 51-year-old woman was allegedly beaten to death at her home in Northcote, Victoria. The woman’s partner is charged with her murder.
December 15, 2022: A 24-year-old unnamed woman died after an alleged assault in Perth, Western Australia. The woman’s 27-year-old partner has been charged with unlawful act or omission with intent to harm.
December 3, 2022:44-year-old Nelomie Perera was allegedly stabbed to death in her home at Sandhurst, Victoria. Nelomie’s former partner is charged with her murder.
December 5, 2022: 51-year-old mum-of-two Lynn Cannon was allegedly killed in a home in Landsdale, Western Australia. Lynn’s former partner has been charged with her murder.
December 18, 2022: 31-year-old student learning support officer Dannielle Finlay-Jones was allegedly beaten to death in her bed at a home in Cranebrook, New South Wales. Her partner is charged with her murder.
News Corp’s Sherele Moody has multiple journalism excellence awards for her work highlighting violence in Australia. Sherele is also an Our Watch fellow, the founder of The RED HEART Campaign, Australian Femicide Watch, the Australian Femicide & Child Death Map and All That Remains: The Memorial to Women and Children Lost to Violence.
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