Fashion Critical: Sassy Oscars red carpet retrospective
Sassy internet style queen Fashion Critical takes a look back at some of the best frockers and biggest shockers to hit the red carpet on Hollywood’s night of nights. Strap yourself in.
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Sassy internet style queen Fashion Critical takes a look back at some of the best frockers and biggest shockers to hit the red carpet on Hollywood’s night of nights.
So strap yourself in.
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CHARLIZE THERON: Charlize Theron was a goddess in this glittering, gold extravaganza. Every detail, from her golden illuminator to her old Hollywood hair and subtle accessories was NEXT LEVEL.
VERA FARMIGA: I’m on the fence as to whether I love or loathe this 2010 creation. On one hand, I feel like it looks like the photo imagery from a colonoscopy. On the other, it’s glamorous enough for the red carpet event of the year. Intestinal inspiration aside, I’ll allow it.
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MARGOT ROBBIE: Once you’re a serious actor, you receive a letter from the Queen allowing you to dress as an actual Oscar at the Academy Awards. Margot Robbie ain’t in Ramsay Street anymore. Insert hands in the air PRAISE emoji for this perfect Oscars look.
NICOLE KIDMAN: WASH OUT in aisle five. I love Nicole in bold colours that play off her lilywhite skin (RIP freckles), but I find this a bit BLAGHHH. Plus, it is clear she shoulda caught the bus. (For those not in the know, she has crotch whiskers. Creasing in the sitting region. In the past year or two, celebs have LITERALLY taken my advice and started travelling to red carpets in GIANT vans or on the bus so they can stand and arrive un-creased). You’re WELCOME.
MERYL STREEP: Everyone knows that if you criticise ANYTHING about Lord Meryl Streep, the Screen Actors Guild/Academy/Hollywood Foreign Press/Oprah will seek to destroy you and your future in Tinseltown. Meryl has always done things her own way on the red carpet and in my SILENT and NEVER EXPRESSED opinion, she doesn’t always get it right. But I love this. It’s very “her” but still elegant AF.
UMA THURMAN: This was a DOOZY! Remember that time at Band Camp, when Uma turned up in THIS get up? Her face is literally magnificent, but this frock is nothing but a PILE of fabric SMASHED through the Janome at a high and dangerous speed. Better suited to a goat herder in Yemen. She never took a FASHUN “risk” like this again, from memory.
LUPITA NYONG’O: See? Serious actor, allowed to wear gold. This is one of the most spectacular red carpet looks of the last couple of years. I absolutely adore it, she looks flawless. Wouldn’t change a thing.
LADY GAGA: When you’re cleaning the toilet at 6pm and on the red carpet at 6:03pm. Lose the gloves and this would be insanely beautiful on Gaga. On the plus side, she could literally murder someone and dispose of the body, should the need arise. #dexter
BEYONCE: There was a time when Queen Bey’s Mum was designing her frocks. I’m not sure if this is one of those times. She obviously looks stunning because, BEYONCE, but I don’t care for the repurposed drapes from the Palazzo Versace.
GWYNETH PALTROW: Remember when Gwyneth wore that GOD AWFUL pink taffeta monstrosity the year she won for Shakespeare In Love? The dress may have been frightful but I’ll give the kid this, she looks excellent in baby pink. I think this is beautiful and trés Oscars appropriate, but for the crotch creasing. See earlier post on catching the bus. Hopefully she has since dusted the ol’ Metro card off and put it to good use.
WHOPPI GOLDBERG: I love me some Whoopi but I recall saying this dress gave me absolute gastro of the eyes last year. Sadly, the affect has not worn off some 12 months later. Would have looked great in black. Pass the maxolon.
PENELOPE CRUZ: What has become of Penny? We rarely see her on the carpet these days. Granted this look is more than 10 years old, but I’m not sure budgie yellow taffeta was ever a thing. Spotlight must have been having a mad sale.
ANGELINA JOLIE: By the power of Keith Urban’s GHD, if this isn’t the most iconic Oscars red carpet look of our time, I’ll willingly watch one of Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible movies. Angelina looked effin’ SMOKING in this black velvet creation. The hair, the red lip … the legs akimbo. That crazy ol’ wayward leg stole the show and broke the Interwebs.
JENNIFER ANISTON: Meanwhile, the following year, Jen pulled out this red number and all around the world we heard a collective “meh”. I can’t take her seriously in a frock like this. It’s just not her.
ZOE SALDANA: OMG OMG OMG, I remember this! This is one of my favourite red carpet dresses in the history of FOREVER I think. She is a VISION. It’s so different, without being ridiculous. 11/10 would wear.
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