Fashion Critical’s sassy commentary on Derby Day celebrity fashion

THE plastic shoes, the Bachelor “stars” — Fashion Critical casts an eye over the best, and worst, of Derby Day’s black and white ensembles.

THE celebrities have stepped out in style in their black and white best for Derby Day and Fashion Critical is on hand to assess their choice of attire with some cheeky commentary.

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Elyse Knowles. Picture: Jake Nowakowski

ELYSE KNOWLES: My knowledge of racing wear etiquette is detailed. And by detailed, I mean, that I don’t really have any. But this does NOT pass muster as far as I’m concerned. Also, Kylie called from a 1989 back-to-the-future payphone and wants her hat back. It’s a no for me.

Cheyenne Tozzi. Picture: Getty

CHEYENNE TOZZI: Oh heavens. How embarrassing. The Halloween do at the neighbour’s and Derby Day, mixing up the invites … they’re so close together, anyone could do it. Once again, while this is a fine frock for a sexy Morticia Adams look, racing attire it is not.

Elle Macpherson. Picture: Getty

ELLE MACPHERSON: Oh DEAR. Elle Macpherson hasn’t appeared in the bird cage since possibly EVER! But I have a question. Is it a pants day or a skirt day? You must decide. It cannot be both. I would have loved this as one or the other. But I simply cannot condone the shoes.

Laurina Fleure and Keira Maguire. Picture: Getty

LAURINA FLEUR AND KEIRA MCGUIRE: By the power of Tim Robards, it must be nice to be relevant several years after crying over a dirty street pie. I can only guess that Laurina has worn her own clothing design today. I’m going to have to deliver a swift but subtle HEAD SHAKE. It’s a no for me. As or Keira, I feel like I should hate it, but I can’t. I love it! Once again, I can never rev up over a plastic shoe. But otherwise, I’m into it. Take THAT Jarrod. Put that in your pot plant and smoke it.

Rebecca Judd. Picture: Alex Coppel

REBECCA JUDD: Welcome back to the cage Juddsy! I am LOVING her hair and hair piece, but I’m feeling mighty unhinged by the dual sleeve concept. Loving the skirt portion however. On the plus side, those sleeves will make it exceptionally difficult to eat any canapés, which I imagine could be why Bec Judd looks like Bec Judd. GENIUS!

Jennifer Hawkins. Picture: Jake Nowakowski

JEN HAWKINS: Oh I am in LOVE with this. Aside from the sole sleeve, which I could do without — this is a JOY to behold! Safari chic. 11/10 would wear. It’s not easy to pull off a white pump, but by George, she’s done it.

Julie Bishop and David Panton. Picture: Getty

JULIE BISHOP AND OL’ MATE: Julie Bishop’s husband person is my FAVE. What a handsome rooster! 11/10 would date. As for Julie, nobody has looked this CRAY in the Birdcage since Bec Hewitt decided to wear SHORTS. Shorts, I said! AW HELL NO. Good on you for getting out there and trying something different Jules. But it’s a no for me.

Marc and Jessie Murphy. Picture: Getty

JESSIE MURPHY: I want to blowtorch her earrings but otherwise I love her! She is a perfect little Barbie doll. Damn her straight to hell.

Rachael Finch. Picture: Jake Nowakowski

RACHAEL FINCH: This is quite a voluminous affair with a certain doona-like appeal. Plenty of fabric to snuggle under when you’re passed out by the portaloos at 5pm. I don’t care for the plastic shoes. Otherwise, she looks lovely and regal. Approved.

Andy Lee and Rebecca Harding. Picture: Getty

ANDY LEE AND REBECCA HARDING: Andy Lee grabs suit out of used washing hamper, throws it on. Runs hand through hair. Leaves. Meanwhile, Rebecca Harding spends 600 hours in hair, makeup, with stylist etc etc. GENDER INEQUALITY MY FRIENDS. She looks pleasing, though I don’t care for the white pump and the pant length makes me nervous. x2 dirty hems, coming right up.

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