‘My best friend won’t stop making nasty comments about my parenting choices’

“Her tone was dismissive and condescending … I tried to brush it off, but it stuck with me.”

There are some friends that you meet and you know you’re going be together for life. Through thick and thin, you know you have each other’s backs. 

Hailey* and Bella* have been friends for close to a decade; they went to univeristy together and have spent almost every moment of their lives together since. 

But after years of living their own lives, it seems there’s been a massive conflict secretly bubbling under the surface. 

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Hailey was hurt by her friend's comments. Picture: iStock

“Maybe if you did things the normal way…”

“We’ve supported each other through many life events,” Hailey told Reddit.

And when Bella announced she was going to get married, Hailey was “thrilled” by the news, equally excited when her best friend “asked me to be her maid of honour”. 

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The last few months have been pretty hectic, Hailey explained, adding that she’s been assisting her best friend on everything for the wedding. 

“We’ve been planning her wedding for months, and I’ve done my best to help with all the arrangements,” she said. 

While planning the wedding has been a fairly frictionless experience, it hasn’t stopped tensions from bubbling up between the pair. Specifically about Hailey’s parenting choices.  

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“I have a two-year-old daughter, Mia*, and Bella has been vocal about her opinions on parenting,” Hailey candidly said. “She’s particularly critical of my decision to use cloth diapers and my approach to sleep training.” 

For the most part, Hailey has ignored her best friend’s rude remarks, but during a “casual get-together” a month ago, Bella took things one step further, making a “rude comment that really hurt” her friend. 

“I don’t understand why you insist on making parenting so complicated,” Bella told Hailey. “Maybe if you did things the normal way, Mia would be more adaptable.”

Trying to “brush it off”, the comment couldn’t help but “stick” with Hailey. 

“Her tone was dismissive and condescending,” she said, devastated her friend would say such a hurtful comment. 

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A week passed, and Hailey couldn’t shake the hurtful comment her supposed best friend made about her daughter. 

That week, Hailey received the invitation to Bella’s bridal shower, which she knew would be a “big event” with “many of her other friends and family members attending”. 

A week before, she would have felt excited about her bestie’s event, but things had changed. “I felt a pang of hurt over the comment and, to be honest, I wasn’t excited about the idea of spending an entire afternoon with someone who had criticised my parenting choices,” she confessed. 

The offensive comments kept eating at her, and eventually, Hailey decided she’d skip the bridal shower entirely. “I sent Bella a polite message explaining that I had a prior commitment and couldn’t attend, though I didn’t mention her comments,” she said. “I thought it was better to avoid any further conflict.” 

Even though Hailey didn’t explain the exact reason why she wasn’t attending her best friend’s bridal shower, Bella was “hurt” by the news. 

“She reached out, saying she was disappointed and felt that I was being unreasonable by letting personal grievances affect our friendship,” Hailey wrote. “She accused me of not supporting her during a crucial time and claimed I was prioritising my hurt feelings over our long-standing friendship.”

After discussing the situation with her friends and family, “some say [Hailey] should have been there for Bella, regardless of personal issues”. However, in the other corner, “others think I had every right to take a step back if I felt disrespected”. 

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“I can’t imagine ending a friendship over this”

Online, others were just as torn about the entire situation. 

What was Hailey’s parenting actually like? What may have caused Bella to make such rude comments to her supposed best friend? Was it really just the cloth nappies? 

“Why is this causing so much tension?” Someone asked. “It’s not just a parenting choice if it’s now affecting your best friend? Why do cloth diapers even need to be in the conversation of wedding planning?”

Others believe Hailey should have been upfront about her feelings, rather than back away from an important event. 

“OK, you're the MAID OF HONOUR,” a comment read. “You've got to attend the bridal shower, or woman up and have a hard conversation with your friend. 

“If you're so hurt by these comments, you need to step back from this role, and if you can't forgive them or move past it, consider this a former friend,” they continued. 

“I can’t imagine ending a friendship over this,” another agreed. “Just address it. Tell her how you feel and talk about it, if you want to continue being friends with her.”

“Inevitably, we all say or do something that hurts those we love,” Wrote a third.

“It’s usually (but not always) unintentional. If it bothered you, then you should have said something. That’s what friends do.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My best friend won’t stop making nasty comments about my parenting choices’