I won’t let my mum wear black to my wedding, she doesn’t understand my vision

“As long as it's not a white ballgown, for goodness sake, let her wear the dress she likes!”

Organising your own wedding is always going to be a bit of a nightmare.

From the daunting task of choosing the right photographer, venue, and food to the constant juggling of tasks, you often find yourself in a whirlwind, trying to keep it all together. 

And, of course, not everything is going to go your way. 

Admittedly, Julia* has more than a year before her big day, but she’s ensuring everything goes perfectly. 

However, when her mum announced what she’d be wearing to her daughter’s wedding, Julia’s plans burst into flames. 

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Her mum's dress idea didn't match the aesthetic. Picture: Facebook

“It's my wedding, not a funeral”

Before Julia could even find her dress, her mum was excitedly telling her what she’d be wearing. “It was black,” Julia wrote on a wedding Facebook group, which she rejected. 

“I said, ‘No, please wait until I find my dress; we have tonnes of time’,” Julia explained. 

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In response, her mum compromised and said “Maybe I’ll wear two” dresses for her daughter’s wedding. 

“I replied, ‘I don’t even know if I’m wearing two’,” Julia continued. 

Fast forward to last month, and Julia finally found the dress of her dreams. Additionally, she “made a colour board with the colours below and my dress and bridesmaid's dresses showing the full idea”. 

The colours included purple, orange, two shades of green and mustard, which she expects those in the bridal party to wear. 

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“I show her the board,” Julia wrote. “She makes a comment about how the black would work.”

But Julia was set against her mother wearing black. 

“It's my wedding, not a funeral,” she told her mum. “Since you'll be a part of the ceremony, I'd like you to wear one of these four colors, and green is going to be for his side.”

Ah, so now green is off the table. 

In response, her mum could only say “Hmmphf".

Weeks passed by and Julia had once again spoken to her mum about the colour palette, in hopes that she had a change of heart. 

But Julia’s mum wasn’t planning to buy another dress for the wedding, telling her daughter “she doesn't want to shop for a dress" and would instead “pull out some she already has”. 

Julia was furious, explaining that her mum “has a shopping addiction”, so it was “actually, literally insane” that she didn’t want to shop for a new outfit. 

Plus, the dresses she pulled from her wardrobe were “dark burgundy, yellow… and green”, and that didn’t match the theme, apparently. 

Good grief. 

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“I'm confused, what is wrong with her wearing black?”

Julia’s outrage at her mother’s attempt to dress appropriately for the wedding didn’t exactly go down well online, with other brides baffled at her entitled attitude. 

“For goodness sake. Let her wear the dress she likes,” another added. “As long as it's not a white ballgown.”

“You care more about your wedding aesthetic than you do your family,” a third wrote. “She even tried to accommodate with a green dress in your colour scheme but that’s for ‘his side of the family’ (that’s bananas).” 

Many people told Julia to let her mum wear what she wanted, as it was a neutral shade that worked well with everything. 

“Black looks fine with everything, let her wear black,” a woman wrote. “It might anchor this goofy colour scheme.”

“Your mood board has SKULLS on it, let the woman wear black,” added another. 

“Black seems like a normal colour to wear?” a baffled person said. “And goes fine with all of these? I'm confused, what is wrong with her wearing black?”

“Personally I'd say black is a safe bet and wouldn't fight it,” a person suggested. “Some things aren't worth the arguments and stress.”

But others were firmly standing on the bride’s side and argued that her mother was being unreasonable. 

“You aren’t dictating what your mum wears and you’d think she would want to go with the vibe,” someone reasoned. “It’s not about ‘not letting her wear black’ but she was picking that out before she even knew what the vibe was. Seems like your mum enjoys being contrary.”

“Some of y'all don't have parents who try and sabotage things and it shows,” another agreed. 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as I won’t let my mum wear black to my wedding, she doesn’t understand my vision