Spending time with an 84-year-old gives Chantelle’s life more meaning and joy

A year ago, Chantelle Ellem was going through a rough patch in her personal life when she saw a Facebook call-out asking for volunteers to spend time with the elderly.

Ellem used to help feed people who were homeless and knew how good it felt to volunteer, so she jumped at the opportunity. She was looking forward to creating a connection with someone in a way that would feel “rewarding and soul cup-filling”.

Volunteering with the elderly can be particularly rewarding, says psychologist Marny Lishman.Credit: Stocksy

Ellem was paired with June, 84, which felt “like it was meant to be”, the 43-year-old mum of two and blogger at Fat Mum Slim says. She was nervous about meeting the octogenarian, likening it to a blind date.

“I thought, ‘Oh, what if she doesn’t like me?’ But as soon as I opened the door and sat with her, we were instant friends. It’s been a year now and it’s been beautiful.”

Ellem says some volunteers go out with the person they have been matched with, doing activities such as going fishing or on day trips. In the beginning, Ellem and June would head out and about, even meeting to “feast on calamari” while gabbing away, trying to solve the world’s problems. (Spoiler alert: most of their solutions involved kindness.)

Nowadays, June’s health is declining, so the pair meet at her house. Ellem will often buy June lunch and they chat while eating. “She just shares stories of her husband, who has passed away, and stories of her life. And I share stuff from mine as well.”

June, whose children live far away, refers to Ellem as an extra daughter. “We part ways by saying, ‘I love you, have a great week!’ and it’s just a little lightness in the week.”

Psychologist Marny Lishman understands why these visits mean so much to June. She says humans are pack animals who don’t fare well mentally when alone for long periods of time, and that the elderly often experience isolation and loneliness.

Having a volunteer actively listen to them “helps them feel valued, and that they matter”. It also gives them the “connection, conversation, emotional support time they need”.

Spending time with June has helped Ellem to put her own issues into perspective. “Sometimes, when I’m driving down to her place on a Tuesday – because I go every week – I think, ‘I don’t have time for this,’ ” she says. “But as soon as I open that door and I spend time with her, it makes me realise what’s important.” And taking a breather from the busyness of her everyday life helps Ellem slow down.

Humans are pack animals who don’t fare well mentally when alone for long periods of time, the elderly often experience isolation and loneliness.

Lishman says that spending quality time with another person “fulfils our social needs and helps our psychological wellbeing”. Knowing we’ve helped someone also gives a sense of purpose, increasing empathy and compassion.

Volunteering with the elderly can be particularly rewarding, Lishman says, because they can enlighten us with “tales of days gone by” as well as their interesting life stories. “In many cultures, the elderly are highly regarded and are looked on as ‘wise elders’, something we need to tap into a lot more,” Lishman says.

Even if you’re not being laden with pearls of wisdom, Lishman says spending one-on-one time with someone can be grounding.

As Ellem says, “It’s not just about you giving to that person, you get so much back. My life is so much richer because I have June in it.”

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