God, Abbott, wrong shoes, crap mum, homework among weird excuses heard in southeast courts
An undying love of Tony Abbott, a God complex, stolen pillow and a lack of police. Hoarding nunchucks, threatening to kill a PM, breaking off a carpark gate and bashing a prisoner. Can you match the peculiar excuses with the crimes?
South East
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Whether it’s a God complex or an undying love of Tony Abbott, Melbourne’s accused offer up a plethora of peculiar reasons for their crimes.
Here are some of the more outlandish defences.
I AM GOD
‘He’ is everywhere, believers say, and that seems to include appearing at a Frankston shopping centre to commit criminal damage.
Christopher Cox thought “he was God” when he was caught behaving erratically after removing a carparking gate from outside the Bayside Shopping Centre and walking off with it under his arm.
The 32-year-old from Mt Eliza then calmly sat down at the nearby train station, chatted with PSOs and returned the busted barrier.
“I just looked at it (the boom gate) and thought I was God, I thought I needed it for some reason, I’m not off the rails anymore, I’m doing very well at the moment, and it won’t happen again,” he told the court.
He was fined $300.
COMMUNITY ‘PROTECTOR’
This notorious nun-chucker was very unhappy with the police and a perceived lack of action over home invasions, so took the law into his own hands.
James William Read said it wasn’t his fault he had to take up arms and go on national TV in a comedic crime performance worthy of a Logie.
The Cranbourne East vigilante was even more upset when police came a-knocking at his front door, finding five sets of nun-chucks and charging him with weapons offences.
In court the magistrate managed to calm him down, telling him he can’t have illegal weapons but instead should “get an alarm, or a dog, or something like that.”
He waltzed off into a life of Google infamy with a 12-month good behaviour bond.
NOT QUICK ENOUGH
We all get a little stressed at times waiting in a supermarket queue to be served.
But most don’t go up to a fellow Aldi customer and bash them over the head with a full milk carton because they are “too chatty” with the checkout operator.
Maurizio Gileno, a 59-year-old Rosebud boxing trainer, was upset at what he believed was an unnecessary delay due to shopper and staff small-talk.
He grabbed a milk carton from his groceries and hit the victim over the head with it, causing the 55-year-old man to suffer neck pain.
Gileno, who had a history of violence, told the court he was remorseful for his “humiliating” attack, and was fined $1000.
WOULDN’T BUY ME TV
She brought him into the world, and what did Tyler Cruz do to repay his mother?
He punched her to the ground and called her a “s*** mum” – all because she wouldn’t buy the Officer 27-year-old a new TV.
He had gone to her house and demanded cash for a new telly and when she refused, he lunged at her, hitting her with a clenched fist to the side of her face and she fell, suffering cuts to the face and a bruised hip.
He said she “deserved it, she’s a s**t mum” and it was “a decent hit, not a soft jab” and he had punched her because she had “degraded” him.
He was given a bond and ordered to pay $1000 to the court fund.
MY HUSBAND’S IN JAIL
It would be difficult to continue life as normal when your husband is jailed for child sex offences, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to let animals suffer.
Anessa Blackwood blamed her incarcerated partner Christopher John Blackwood for leaving a shop full of dogs and cats in a dirty, sad and sick cesspool of filth at her Carrum Downs store.
She told the court her inability to properly supervise the business was due to the stress of the public finding out about her husband’s abuse of two young girls.
The company, Passion for Pets, was fined $30,000 while Blackwood was hit with a $10,000 penalty, and both must also pay council costs of $3803.
I LOVE TONY ABBOTT
A keyboard warrior loved the budgie-smuggling politician Tony Abbott so much he threatened to kill his Liberal rival Malcolm Turnbull.
Matthew Robert Ainio was so upset Mr Turnbull ousted Mr Abbott he vented his spleen on Facebook, calling on his online entourage to attack the newly-crowned leader with the message “Can someone please assassinate this Turnbull c---. Pretty please”.
The Oakleigh South 43-year-old said he was angry and hurt because Tony Abbott had been “stabbed in the back” by Mr Turnbull.
He obviously has serious anger issues considering he served a suspended jail sentence 13 years ago for burning down an employer’s workplace.
He was given a community corrections order and told to do 100 hours of unpaid work.
THE WRONG SHOES
Fashion may be fickle, but it shouldn’t mean someone gets their head bashed in.
Just because Ian Lewington didn’t like a man’s taste in footwear he launched a vicious attack, leaving the victim with a fractured eye socket and cuts to his face.
Both had been at Mornington races when the drunk 27-year-old plumber punched the man, knocked him to the ground and rained blows down on his head.
Lewington, who has a longstanding dependency on alcohol, said his “memory was hazy” about the attack.
He was placed on an 18-month community corrections order, must do 150 hours of unpaid work and attend counselling for the “disturbing” assault.
ICE HELPS ME STUDY
Cramming for an assignment is a rite of passage for any uni student – and most make do with coffee, sugar hits or energy drinks for sustenance – but not P-plater Alexander Cheung.
He thought it would be a good idea to take a hit of ice to help him keep awake before driving home.
But the 27-year-old Springvale student was wrong; he crashed into two parked cars and ended up in court.
He was given a new assignment by the magistrate – serve a six-month driving ban and pay off a $1200 fine.
WE LOST THE GAME
Liam Ryan was so upset over his beloved Queensland losing a State of Origin game, he picked up a condiment and threw it at a Fountain Gate pub TV, smashing it into smithereens.
The Narre Warren man then showed his pace and skill in avoiding the opposition, managing to run off past Sporting Globe security guards.
But his athletic prowess came to naught as CCTV replays shown to police caught him chucking the salt shaker square at the large telly.
He told the court he had been “silly”, was “too drunk” and it was “an accident” as he had flung it at his cousin who was nearby.
It was a costly error – he had to pay $5000 back to the pub, and was given a good behaviour bond.
HE STOLE MY PILLOW
It’s my cushion!
Dale Peter Forster punched a fellow inmate in the police cells while he was awaiting court for a bizarre crime spree – because the other crim took his pillow.
At the time Forster, who has dozens of pages of priors, was awaiting sentence for an 11-month offending offensive including assaulting emergency workers, dodgy driving and assault matters.
But his defence of his feathered friend took the title of best crime.
His lawyer said he had severe drug issues dating back decades, had spent large periods of his life behind bars and was subjected to violence as a form of discipline as a young man.
He was sentenced to nine months in jail.
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