I spent a recent wet, windy and chilly Saturday night hunting snails by torchlight. Not to make escargot, but to stop the blighters eating the herb garden on my balcony. How do snails even reach a first-floor balcony? That's some impressive mountaineering.

It's a constant and tedious battle. If they find my herbs first, they feast. They seem especially fond of my pots of mint and coriander. If I find them first, I throw them over my balcony and listen for the satisfying crack as they hit the street. I'm yet to snail-bomb an innocent passer-by.