We’ve all been there. Stuck in the middle of a table of strangers at lunch or dinner, feeling a bit lost for words. The person on your left is pleasant but monosyllabic; the one on your right hasn’t looked up from his phone, and it’s too loud to hear the person sitting opposite. If this is you, you’re in the gristle seat.

According to author and journalist Sally Quinn’s 1997 book, The Party: A Guide to Adventurous Entertaining, that’s the seat with heavy-duty, hard-going partners on either side who refuse to make an effort.

So, in the interests of sparking more interesting conversations around the tables of Australia, I hereby pass on 10 ways to break the ice.

Food is your safest subject, one in which even the shyest person has an interest.

1. “Tell me, for how long do you boil your eggs?” is always a good ice-breaker.
2. “What’s your favourite food in the whole wide world?” is a tried-and-true opener.
3. And “What do you really like to eat when nobody is looking?”

Be aware, however, that the more interesting the question, the more likely it is that it will be turned back on you. (“Nine minutes started in boiling water”, “Chinese” and “peanut butter” if you must know.)

Here are some more ideas:

• “I’m fascinated by what people have for their office lunch; what do you have?”
• “Tell me your favourite restaurant in the world, and I’ll tell you mine.”
• “How do you feel about avocado on toast, really?”
• “If you were a cocktail, what would you be: a dry martini with a twist or a Pina Colada?”
• “Where do you stand on the subject of wasabi [or fish knives, or licorice]?”

English philosopher Alain de Botton’s website, The School of Life, features a series of books and games designed to help people connect better socially. One game uses place cards that have concealed questions on the reverse side of the guest’s name.

Throughout the meal, if conversation flags, the guest can ask their neighbours these questions, which range from “What do you worry about in the middle of the night?” to “In what ways is your family especially odd?” That should cut through any social chitchat and go straight to the good stuff.

When in doubt, take a cue from America’s National Review journal, which once held a competition to find the best opening gambit for dinner-party conversation. The winner was, “If you had your life to live over again, would you have come tonight?”

theemptyplate@goodweekend.com.au