Jana Hocking on how dating an older man put her off dating apps

Most people have a “type” but podcaster Jana Hocking went way against the grain with a recent love interest and it changed her perspective entirely.

Are there people you can think of who you are ridiculously attracted to, but not at first glance?

It happened to me last year. There was a guy I had met through another friend who was far outside my age bracket. Let’s say a good 20 years older.

He decided I tickled his fancy and put on the charm big time. I always brushed it off, and while flattered, had a bit of a chuckle about it.

Then a few months later I found myself in his home town with a group of friends. We were looking for adventure, and he’s a fairly adventurous guy, so I text him to see if he was about. He invited us to his house and we piled ourselves into taxis and made our way there, fairly jolly from a fun dinner.

When we arrived, he had the music pumping, a disco ball (I kid you not!) spinning above a wooden dance floor and introduced me to the wondrous elixir known as Mescal.

Jana Hocking found herself attracted to someone she never imagined. Picture: Instagram

Now I’m honestly not overstating this when I say, we had the BEST night. It was carefree, fun, and he just oozed this cool charm. He stayed up all night talking to my friends, taking a genuine interest in their stories and played the ultimate host.

The next day I woke up to a text from him and was surprised when I felt butterflies in my stomach. “Umm … what’s that about?” I thought to myself as I dragged my hungover body out of bed.

For the rest of the day he stayed on my mind. So when we hit the town later that night I was excited to see him again.

Now let’s remember, this was a guy unlike anyone who has ever taken my fancy. He was spiritual, and serious, and, well, the same age as my dad!

If I had seen him on the apps, it would have been a quick swipe left. While attractive, he just wasn’t my type. The thing is though … it turns out he was!

Although the man wasn’t her ‘type’ Jana found herself attracted to him.

Unlike the usual loud, class clowns with broad shoulders who usually turn my head, here was a guy who smelt like patchouli and had a beard I desperately wanted to stroke.

Seriously, what the actual heck?

For a month I just leant in. Yes, I let my heart pitter-patter for this man, and what a joyous ride it was. We had interesting conversations, he showed me a world I had never been around before and I discovered that attraction is based on so much more than what we are led to believe.

I would melt at the sound of his deep voice on the phone, get gaga over his earthy scent, and feel an inward fire when he called me out on my BS.

Fast forward a month and he sent me a ‘It’s not you, it’s me text’ which, for a little while broke this cold dead heart of mine.

It turns out while I was happy to learn about his interesting world, mine was just a little too foreign for him.

At the end of the day though, I wouldn’t change a thing. It made me feel alive and realise that the blokes who I might have brushed off in the past could actually have been someone perfect for me. Perhaps I need to dig a little deeper before I metaphorically swipe left on them.

So, that bloke you just swiped left on could have the most ridiculously fun sense of humour and a voice deep enough to give Sean Connery a run for his money.

Hmm … might be worth going back to the ol’ ‘meeting people in real life’ thing when lockdown is finally over. Just a thought.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on how dating an older man put her off dating apps