Jana Hocking: Why men don’t approach me at bars

For years Jana Hocking was going out ready to meet the man of her dreams only to be met with crickets – until she discovered why.

It’s a common complaint from many single women – you go out all the time hoping to meet someone, only to go a whole night without being approached by a single man.

It used to be a situation Jana Hocking, relationships expert and host of news.com.au podcast Kinda Sorta Dating, knew too well until she discovered the massive mistake she was making on her nights out.

“I had a real moment five years ago where I said to one of my best mates who is a man, I was like, ‘I don’t get it, I’m going out every weekend, I’m on the prowl, like no-one is coming up and chatting to me’,” Jana told guest Dr Kate Adams on this week’s episode.

RELATED: Ways to keep the spark alive if you’re dating in lockdown

Jana Hocking was going out ‘every weekend’ and wasn’t being approached by any guys. Picture: Instagram/Jana Hocking.

“There’s usually six girls and we’re all dressed up and we’ve got cocktails and he goes, ‘Do you know how intimidating it is for a guy to come up to a group of six girls? … I know your girlfriends, you’re all loud’.”

Jana’s friend said there was no way a guy would “come up to six girls and bare their soul or make an idiot of themselves trying to crack onto you” and she needed to take a different approach.

“He said you need to start going out with one girlfriend and looking open,” Jana said.

“I never thought about it, all I was doing was going out with the girls and wondering why no-one was cracking onto me.”
RELATED: Savage effect lockdown has on marriages

Jana said that guys who write ‘essays’ before you met up with them were an instant turn off. Picture: Instagram/Jana Hocking.

Big problem with ‘banter’ on dating apps

Jana is all about that in-person spark when dating someone, also revealing that sending text message “essays” before meeting up is a massive turn off.

“I hate doing essays on the dating apps they’re so annoying and then we just become pen pals,” she said.

“I’ve been on so many dates with guys who have great banter on the apps and then you meet them in real life and they’re so dull.
“Whereas the guys who have no banter on the dating apps and you meet have banter in real life, so I think if you’re attractive, let’s just go on a date.”