I was weighed at school and brutally shamed; please don't do this to our kids

"Nothing good can come out of the plan to weigh students. Shame is not a weight loss tool." Please note: sensitive topics.

"Does my butt look big in this?"

When I was growing up as Gen Xer, that was such a common thing for girls and women to ask about what they're wearing.

It sounds like a joke in 2024, but it's taken me more than three decades to stop wondering that when I look in the mirror.

I used to think, that's just how I was raised. But now I realise it's what I was taught.

And it started with being weighed at school.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

"I was weighed at school in front of everyone"

Like many Aussie kids of the same era, 'fitness tests' were a part of Phys Ed.

We ran and jumped and reached, and were timed, measured and weighed.

One year, I distinctly recall stepping on to the scales, in front of the whole class of course, and the teacher said aloud, "49 kilos."

My head snapped up from watching the dial, wondering what she meant.

She wasn't angry, or happy. She was surprised. 

And even though I was confused, and wouldn't fully understand what she meant with her tone for many years, I suspected it wasn't a compliment.

I then knew it wasn't, when she added, "Oh! That's less than what I thought it would be!"

That was the first time I ever felt my body was not good enough - that it was different. That was the first time I recall even thinking about my body, especially in terms of meeting a standard and comparing it to anyone.

It began a long battle between my mind and the way I was always meant to look.

It's that moment in time which I thought of immediately this week, when I learned of the proposal to start weighing Aussie school kids.

At 48, I've finally made peace with my body. Image: supplied

RELATED: Dad publicly body shames ‘overweight’ teacher

"Obesity is not the only condition to worry about"

I would go so far as to say that, speaking from life-long experience, just one comment about someone's body has the potential to crush their soul.

Obesity is not the only condition to worry about in young, vulnerable minds. Mental health is often dismissed, especially when there is a stigma that your weight is entirely within your control.

It's not that straightforward. I wish I had known that.

For my entire life the messaging has been that I am big, fat, overweight. 

Sure, I was never skin and bones; I was never a lean, mean, fighting machine (yes, that's a George Foreman grill reference for my Gen X mates out there).

I knew at school that I was different to the Caucasian girls around me who were long-limbed, lean - and whose weight was announced matter-of-factly in class.

There was another complexity that was added when I became a tween/teen, which helped me develop what I know now, at 48, is disordered eating.

That complexity confirmed on a daily basis that the 'problems' with my body were my fault.

"We only had ourselves to blame"

If you asked me and my siblings, we could give you a 12-hour Ted Talk on how our 'almond mum' messed with our minds.

Not only did we have to worry about any sign of a large ass, but we were also terrified with tales of diseases that would end in our limbs being chopped off, or dropping to the floor, clutching our hearts.

And it would be our fault.  We would only have ourselves to blame. 

My poor mum - she was just as much of a victim of society's messaging. But she taught me to be ashamed of my body.

Its sad, because it could have been so different.

"What I wish I'd been told about my body"

The truth. I wish people had looked beyond the superficial and tried to understand me. That I'd been empowered to understand why. 

Because the fact is that at most I have been 15 kilos more than what health professionals said I should be - and that was when I was pregnant.

But being just 155cm, I looked bigger - and I've come to realise that looking 'good' is all most people care about. Even many health professionals.

It makes me so sad because my weight has felt like something I would always 'fail' at, because it was put to me as insurmountable, and deeply private, innately shameful.

Throughout this battle, as a child and a young woman, no one asked me why I had distorted thinking about food.

No one ever spoke to me about genetics, and my predisposition to carrying weight around my waist. No one educated me about the risks.

No one asked about my relationship with food. 

No one noted that because my father grew up literally starving in an Asian village, we celebrated and commiserated with food. Because of that scarcity mindset, we were also pressured into finishing our plates at every meal.

Eventually, I worked these things out for myself. But it would have saved me so much shame and agony if I'd learned it earlier.

If I'd been educated by those who cared for me, it they'd helped with self-awareness, and treated me with empathy.

I would have been so much nicer to myself over the years if someone had looked at me as a whole person... rather than being publicly told to step on the scale, then left alone to 'fix' myself.

We have to remember:

Whatever our kids weigh, it's not information to be used in the context of blame and failure. 

Shame is not a weight loss tool.

Statement from The Butterfly Foundation regarding the proposal to weigh kids

The following answers are to be attributed to Melissa Wilton, Head of Communications & Engagement at Butterfly Foundation.

Effects of public health campaigns

• Anti-obesity and public health campaigns often present weight loss as an individual responsibility that involves exerting more willpower (such as ‘eat less, move more’), with shame seen as a motivation to change diet and exercise behaviours.
• This often has the opposite effect and continues to perpetuate weight stigma, which in turn does not lead to an increase in health- promoting behaviours. Instead, weight stigma is more likely to lead to negative thoughts and behaviours, including psychological and physiological stress, binge eating, increased food consumption, and avoidance of physical activity, often causing weight gain and impaired weight loss outcomes.

The implications of this proposal for young people

• While Butterfly recognises the need for preventive health policy, including investment in promoting nutritious eating and physical activity to improve health outcomes, weighing children in the classroom – or asking school nurses to weigh children – is not the answer. All healthy eating and physical activity strategies must be aligned with best practice in the prevention and treatment of eating disorders and body image issues and it is imperative that these take a whole of person, strength-based approach.

The following answers are to be attributed to Dr Stephanie Damiano, Manager of Butterfly Body Bright.         

Butterfly Body Bright is a strength-based body image program for primary schools, developed by Butterfly Foundation, which adopts evidence-based strategies in a whole school approach to promote positive body image and a healthy relationship with eating and physical activity in children.

• This proposal places children’s weight at the centre of health, which is inaccurate and potentially harmful. We need to broaden our definition of health and not see it through the weight-centric diet culture lens. We want children to grow up happy and healthy and we can achieve this by supporting children to engage in health-promoting behaviours, which applies to all children, with all body weights, shapes and sizes.
• Part of this is eating and enjoying a variety of foods, moving their bodies for fun (not punishment or weight loss), but also behaviours like getting adequate sleep, dental hygiene, sun protection, being socially connected to family and friends, and participating in activities that support their mental health.
• Making children’s weight a focus has the potential to increase a child’s risk of body dissatisfaction, preoccupation with body weight and shape, anxiety, restrictive diets, cycles of restriction and binge eating, and overall poor self-esteem, often lasting long into adolescence and adulthood. All of which can increase the risk of developing an eating disorder.
• Body dissatisfaction is developing during primary school for far too many children, and it’s imperative that schools, teachers, families and children are upskilled and empowered to combat this by taking a whole school approach. The Butterfly Body Bright program provides all the resources, including school policy, staff training, lesson plans and resources for families, to achieve the goal of supporting children to develop a positive body image, and is an effective step towards schools preventing and reducing serious eating and body image issues from developing during late childhood and adolescence.
• Having nurses within schools is a fantastic idea, but let’s upskill them in the early identification and intervention of significant body dissatisfaction and disordered eating.

Young people & body image

• With an 86% increase in eating disorders among young people aged 10 to 19 years since 2012, and over half (57%) of young people living in Australia aged 12-18 report that they are dissatisfied with how their body looks. It is disappointing – and potentially harmful – to hear that school nurses are being encouraged to weigh students.
• Contrary to popular belief, shaming people for their weight does not result in improved health behaviours or weight loss. Research and lived experience insights shared with Butterfly underscore that for many, being weighed in primary school or shamed for their weight contributed to body dissatisfaction and the development of disordered eating and/or an eating disorder. Eating disorders have one of the highest mortality rates of all mental illnesses and have devastating impacts on every aspect of an individual’s life.

Young people & weight stigma

• Weight stigma starts developing early in childhood, with children as young as 3 years old attributing negative qualities (such as ‘lazy’ and ‘mean’) to images of children with large bodies, and children between the ages of 5 and 8 have shown to endorse the importance of being thin.
• These stigmatising weight attitudes can lead to the development of body dissatisfaction and unhealthy behaviours, with body dissatisfaction a significant risk factor in the development of negative physical, mental and social outcomes including harmful dieting and muscle building behaviours, depression, anxiety, higher weight and weight eating disorders.

What to do if you are concerned about a child’s growth and development

• It is important that children are not encouraged to diet. If concerned about a child’s weight or growth speak to your GP or health professional who takes a weight-inclusive approach. Ask your GP to avoid discussing weight in front of your child and if weighing is necessary to do so privately without sharing numbers or making any comments.

For support with eating disorders or body image concerns, call Butterfly’s National Helpline on 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673), chat online or email [e-mail], 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEDT).

Originally published as I was weighed at school and brutally shamed; please don't do this to our kids