'Would you let your 8-year-old do this?' A dad’s sleepover dilemma has the internet divided

When a divorced dad discovered his daughter spent the night with her mum’s boyfriend and his sons - without her mum or sister there - he raised the alarm. But not everyone agrees it’s a big deal.

Sleepovers have always been a hot-button issue for parents. From what time to pick them up to whether scary movies are appropriate, the group chat is never short on opinions. But one dad’s Reddit post has taken the conversation to a whole new level - and it’s left the internet completely divided.

Posting to the subreddit Am I Overreacting, a father shared screenshots of a text conversation with his ex-wife, raising concern about a sleepover decision she made during her recent custody weekend.

The issue? Their eight-year-old daughter had stayed overnight at the home of the mum’s boyfriend - without her mother, sister or any other female family members present. Also at the house that night were the boyfriend and his two sons, aged nine and eleven.

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Image: Reddit/Am I Overreacting

“She stayed where?”

In his post, the dad explains that the situation came to light by accident. He had been near his ex’s house and texted his 12-year-old daughter to see if he could quickly stop by to say hello.

“She said sure, we're just watching Lego Masters, nothing special, so I met her in the driveway and gave her a big hug,” he wrote. “I asked where my 8 y/o daughter was and she told me that she was at a party with [her mother's] boyfriend and hadn't made it home yet, which I was totally unaware of.”

Concerned, the dad said he didn’t press the issue that night. But the next day, when he learned that his daughter had actually stayed the night at the boyfriend’s house - without her mother or sister - he followed up with his ex.

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Image: Reddit/Am I Overreacting

The text exchange that started it all

The resulting exchange, which he shared via screenshots, shows him repeatedly and calmly asking why his daughter stayed overnight without a female relative present. He draws a firm line: this arrangement is not okay with him.

“She's only 8 years old,” he writes. “Do you believe that her staying the night with boys/men and without a family member is a safe and reasonable parenting decision?”

His ex responds: “Yes I do. No different than her staying with her dad or uncle.”

He disagrees, saying: “It's not the same as that at all, not even by a little.”

The mum stands her ground and stated: "They are comfortable with him. There is no danger.”

She adds that he’s welcome to meet the boyfriend if that would ease his concerns, but draws the line at “running all situations by you for approval.”

The father ends the conversation by referencing local child welfare standards and reiterating that he’s ready to meet for a deeper discussion.

“I'm not trying to control anything. I'm trying to protect my youngest daughter.”

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Image: Reddit/Am I Overreacting

The internet weighs in - with strong opinions

In the comments, the dad received an outpouring of support. Many Reddit users applauded him for speaking up and shared their own painful memories of being abused at sleepovers hosted by “trusted” adults.

“There are so many red flags here,” wrote one commenter. “I would not want my daughter at a sleepover with two older boys and no parental supervision.”

Another said, “You're definitely not overreacting. I'd share the same concerns if I were in your position.”

One person summed it up bluntly: “You've under-reacted!”

But not everyone agrees

Some argued that the father was projecting worst-case fears onto a situation that may be totally safe, and possibly even normal for a family navigating blended dynamics.

“I think you need to gather more information before crashing out,” one commenter wrote. “Unless you have some other unstated reason to believe [the boyfriend or his kids] are sketchy, I think you're overreacting.”

Others pointed out that this kind of arrangement may become more common if the boyfriend continues to be part of the mum’s life.

“If he were to move in and take on a step-parent role, there may be plenty of times he’s alone with one or both of the girls.”

Some even questioned whether the dad’s reaction would be different if the sleepover involved a woman: “Doubt anyone would bat an eye if she had a girlfriend instead.”

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Where do you draw the line?

Is the dad simply doing his job and raising red flags that should be raised? Or is he overstepping and unfairly judging a safe, modern family setup?

At its heart, the story taps into something deeper than sleepovers - it’s about how we co-parent after separation, who we trust with our children, and what “safe enough” looks like in 2025.

It also raises big questions for parents:

Would you let your 8-year-old have a sleepover without you present?

Does the gender of the people in the home matter?

And how much say should an ex have once the kids are on “your” time?

The original poster says he’s open to conversation and wants to find a respectful way forward - but he also stands firm: “We determine what's proper for them. If you do something inappropriate, which you have here, I will bring it up.”

What do you think? Is this dad being protective - or paranoid?

Originally published as 'Would you let your 8-year-old do this?' A dad’s sleepover dilemma has the internet divided