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As a dog person, I reckon cats are catastrophes

Show me a cat that can be trained to pull sleds and sniff out drugs at airports. Or corpses after earthquakes. That can bark at burglars, muster sheep or cattle, and guide the blind.

I understand that some members of our human species prefer the feline to the canine ... I look forward to the day when science finds a cure. Picture: istock
I understand that some members of our human species prefer the feline to the canine ... I look forward to the day when science finds a cure. Picture: istock
The Weekend Australian Magazine

If you were to say “chihuahua” I would probably respond with “Bless you!” as chihuahua sounds more like a sneeze than a dog. Come to think of it, it looks more like a sneeze than a a dog. Or a powder puff on legs.

Forgive me if you’re attracted to very small dogs like chihuahuas or, shudder, those other lap-dogs, pekinese. But to me pekes are not so much dogs as pussies in disguise. And as a dog person, I reckon cats are catastrophes. I understand that some members of our human species prefer the feline to the canine, just as some prefer the rat-baggies of religion to the simple sanities of atheism. Just as some prefer LNP to ALP. And I look forward to the day when science finds a cure. But cats? Effing cats? Bird-killing cats?

Dogs (chihuahuas and pekinese notwithstanding) are noble creatures that can be trained to pull sleds to the South Pole and sniff out drugs at airports. Or corpses after earthquakes. They can also bark at burglars, muster sheep or cattle, and guide the blind. Show me a cat that can do that! Any of that! Sniffer cats? Husky cats? Guard cats? The defence rests, m’lud.

Chihuahuas are among the smallest, and English mastiffs among the largest. And dogs come in all shapes and sizes in between. There are about 350 recognised breeds around the world, and an estimated 900 million domestic dogs. Add in wild dogs and ferals, and the canine count exceeds a billion.

A chihuahua pictured with a Great Dane. Picture: istock
A chihuahua pictured with a Great Dane. Picture: istock

The genetic evidence suggest that all of them, from chihuahuas to mastiffs, from dingoes to dachshunds, evolved from wolves between 20,000 and 40,000 years ago. A moment in time. And they’ve been man’s best friend for most of that time. Co-existing and co-operating. Helping around the house, and helping in the hunt.

Like many of you, I’ve measured my life in the companionship of much-loved dogs, from the second-hand bitzer that was the subject of my first newspaper column, to three pets that died recently within days of each other. Squire from old-age, CJ and Truffy from snakebite. Adding to a dozen earlier victims of snakes that overcrowd our farm’s pet cemetery.

Then there was the dog we saved from a brutal owner – but after a happy year in rehab, George the refugee went and got himself killed by cornering a kangaroo.

Working dogs are a familiar part of life on a farm – but at Elmswood we’ve had problems with dogs killing sheep. Motion-sensitive cameras reveal the occasional dingo on the prowl. But the big issue is ferals – domesticated dogs gone rogue. Reminding us that the dog is not always our friend.

Snakes aren’t the only threats to dogs. I once watched a wedge-tailed eagle swoop down and lift Willy, our tubby Jack Russell, off the ground. Fortunately Willy’s weight was too great and he survived. And the same thing happened a few weeks ago, when a wedgie grabbed another Jack Russell. Dropped, shaken, but not broken. Lucky little Lilly.

Those city dogs, trotting around on a leash, don’t know what they’re missing.

Charles de Gaulle once said, “The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.” I’m inclined to respond, “Vraiment, mon ami.” Or Woof.

Phillip Adams
Phillip AdamsColumnist

Phillip Adams is a writer, broadcaster, film-maker, farmer and the former host of the ABC's Late Night Live program on Radio National from 1991 to 2024. He also enjoyed a successful career in advertising, developing iconic campaigns such as Slip,Slop Slap and Life. Be in it.

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Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/weekend-australian-magazine/as-a-dog-person-i-reckon-cats-are-catastrophes/news-story/54af3a95494a42b07e66ffb4277869ac