Strewth: Michael McCormack gets down to earth?

In his new role as co-chair of the Parliamentary Friends of Soil, Michael McCormack has thrown a lush breakfast for World Soil Day.

Deputy Prime Minister and co-chair of cthe Parliamentary Friends of Soil Michael McCormack. Picture: Getty Images

Have you heard about Michael McCormack’s soil mate? In his role as co-chair of the newly formed Parliamentary Friends of Soil, the Deputy Prime Minister threw a lush breakfast on Thursday at Old Parliament House’s Hoi Polloi restaurant to celebrate World Soil Day. The keynote speech was delivered by National Soils Advocate Penelope Wensley, the former governor of Queensland. Wensley was appointed to the taxpayer-funded job in August, succeeding former governor-general Michael Jeffery.

National Soils Advocate Penelope Wensley. Picture: AAP

Jeffrey’s eight-year tenure will be honoured by a new award announced at the fodder — the General Jeffrey Soil Health Award presented to individuals who champion, improve or educate others in soil health. Nominations for the inaugural prize close in March. So … what is the National Soils Advocate? We’re glad you asked. “A world-first in terms of elevating soil health to a level of national significance, the position of Advocate was established to raise awareness of the vital role soils play and to provide strong leadership and advocacy on the importance of conserving and improving the health of Australia’s soils,” according to the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet. And how much are we paying them to get their hands dirty? At least $60k a year for less than two months work. PM&C told Strewth that Wensley was “contracted to undertake work for 60 days per year at a fee of $1000 per day” but “there is an optional extension of up to 100 days per year if required”. In the public service, anything grows.

The birds

“Please do not feed the birds or leave behind your food scraps,” a sign spotted in a Parliament House courtyard warns. “Please report any bird incidents,” it instructs politicians and staff, providing a phone number and email address. Strewth has never wanted to call a number more! Is there a secret bird-feeding demerit system in place? Will you be fined if caught giving a sparrow a sliver of sourdough? Or perhaps banned from the Parliamentary Dining Hall? Bizarrely, the Department of Parliamentary Services claims that not one bird incident has been reported either this year or last. Despite this columnist witnessing atrocious attacks — birds flying into the faces of people holding food and stealing pastries from plates. It’s not called a murder of crows for nothing! Last year, birds of prey were flown into the Canberra Bubble™ from Melbourne to combat menacing magpies and defecating ducks. Floyd the peregrine falcon, Tilley the brown goshawk and Wot the barking owl were employed — and paid $56k by the taxpayer for four weeks of work — to patrol the forecourt and gardens after nonlethal pest control (including a plastic hawk-shaped kite on the end of a fishing pole) failed to save the lunches of staff members brave enough to eat outside during swooping season. The pandemic prevented the Full Flight Conservation Centre crew from returning this year to provide a much-needed bit of avian muscle. Fair enough — can you imagine the uproar if VIP flights were arranged for the trio (and their handlers) during Danistan’s second wave? Do birds have to quarantine for 14 days? But we digress. Drafting in aerial predators isn’t a new idea. Tennis Australia brought in a wedge-tailed eagle to keep seagulls and other birds off court during the Australian Open. British parliament spent nearly £30,000 in 2018 flying a hawk around Westminster twice a week to stop pigeons nesting in the roof and to cull the rodent infestation. Not to be confused with the current chirpy nicknames given to UK pollies — “hawks” (COVID lockdown sceptics) and “doves” (pro-lockdown MPs including Labour leader Keir Starmer). Senate president Scott Ryan once suggested in Budget Estimates that the building invest in a cat. We imagine a less lazy version of Larry, the “Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office” that resides at 10 Downing Street (whose Twitter account notes that the 13-year-old tabby has been “in position longer than the leader of any UK political party”). Victorian Liberal senator James Paterson mused that the Parliamentary Friends of Shooting (headed up by Nats senator Bridget McKenzie) might be a better solution to the unpheasant birdhaviour.

Stork raving mad

A hearty Strewth congratulations to new bub Ruby Elizabeth Gorman, welcomed by Jess and her Labor pollie husband Patrick on Thursday.

Patrick and Jess Gormann with their son, Leo, and daughter, Ruby Elizabeth, who was born on Friday.

Strewth has been assured her given name was not inspired by the Ruby Princess. Unlike her father, Ruby has been spared a marsupial middle moniker. Gorman revealed in 2018: “My mum and dad were both teachers … they both had some possums in their roof when they were teaching in Melbourne way back then. They loved those possums, they loved me and I was blessed with the middle name Possum”.

Ruby Elizabether Gorman.

The political baby boom continues in South Australia, where Labor senator Marielle Smith also has a new arrival Zara Rose. Meanwhile in Queensland, Anthony Albanese was introduced to the quarantwins. Labor’s Anika Wells became the first federal pollie to welcome twins while in office, two months ago. Wells brought bubs Ossian (Oshy) and Dashiell (Dash) along to the opposition leader’s Brisbane press conference on Saturday. Both made their live TV debut, being cradled by Albanese and mum, as the pair spruiked Labor’s local jobs plan. “This is an example of long-term planning by Labor,” Albo joked. “Because in 18 years’ time it appears there’ll be this mass gathering of children of Labor MPs and I hope Anika is still there in 18 years’ time because she has a long career ahead of her and she’s doing a great job continuing to represent this local community.”

Happy #Caturdaypic.twitter.com/n0HRhrfdIQ

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 5, 2020

Outnumbered by three Queenslanders, so it’s Maroons onesies for twins Oshy and Dash. Thanks to Mum and Member for Lilley @AnikaWells for having us this morning in Brisbane. pic.twitter.com/TCBBGDcGh5

— Anthony Albanese (@AlboMP) December 4, 2020

Kind of a big dill

What better way to honour someone’s political legacy than with a commemorative tea towel! The Greens ‘Legends Series’ continue to roll out dish rags with the faces of its former federal members. “If you thought 2020 was a wash-up, you need a pack of legends to sort it out!” the Greens e-newsletter informed members. “Our ‘Richard Di Natowelie’ (lol) legacy tea towel flew off the shelves in August, so we’ve expanded our range … former senators Bob Brown, Christine Milne and Scott Ludlam … available just in time for Christmas!” Surely they mean non-denominational seasonal festivity? “To make sure Australia Post reaches you in time for Christmas, ORDER YOURS NOW and give your friends a pack of legends to help them face the dishes after a year that needs to clean up its act.” Groan. When we checked on Sunday, the tea towels had already been discounted from $24.95 to $21.25.

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