Strewth: Going, going, Don

America has spoken — you’re fired. Donald John Trump has been deemed a non-essential item in these unprecedented times.

RIP hair force one.

America has spoken — you’re fired.

Donald John Trump has been deemed a non-essential item in these unprecedented times.

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr will take office in 75 days.

And the soon to be 78-year-old (November 20) already has a new nickname — JOG Biden, after he bound on to the stage to claim victory.

Biden won the popular vote by 75.2 million votes to 70.8 million, or roughly 11 Icelands and 9 Liechtensteins.

Within minutes, Twitter had hit back at the 45th President — listing Trump as the top hit when users searched for “loser”.

Other one termers include William Howard Taft, Martin van Buren, Herbert Hoover, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford, George Bush Sr and America’s second president John Adams.

Veep star Julie Louis Dreyfus tweeted Kamala Harris: “ ‘Madam Vice-President’ is no longer a fictional character.”

Here’s another historic milestone to add to the list — German shepherd Major Biden will be the first rescue dog to live at Washington’s 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

President-elect Joe Biden reacts as the number "46" lights up the sky in Wilmington, Delaware. https://t.co/dV9BINisLm pic.twitter.com/W2sWfU2n8u

— ABC News Politics (@ABCPolitics) November 8, 2020

Orange County

The Trump camp’s latest press conference played out like a scene from The Thick of It.

Rudy Giuliani accidentally booked Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Philadelphia instead of the Four Seasons hotel. It’s across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Centre and a dildo store.

The writers really outdid themselves!

Giuliani found out via reporters that the numbers had not gone their way.

“Who was it called by?” he asked.

A reporter replied “all” the major cable news networks and media outlets.

The former New York mayor threw his arms up and responded sarcastically: “All of them! Oh my goodness! Wow, all the networks! We have to forget about the law, judges don’t count!”

Where was the Don during Biden’s victory? Playing golf.

And according to Vanity Fair: “Trump has signalled to allies that the Secret Service will have to drag him from the White House kicking and screaming.”

Oh to be a fly on the wall (or Mike Pence’s hair) at the White House thanksgiving dinner! Who will Trump pardon first — himself or a turkey?

So this just happened on french tv 😭😭😭 #bidenharis2020 pic.twitter.com/lAy67hkDEV

— Cassie 🦋 (@galactafenty) November 7, 2020

Hocus POTUS

Kevin Rudd borrowed a line from the mayor of Philly on Sunday.

“It really does depend on two factors, I think. One is what President Trump does personally and whether he decides to put on his big boy pants, as someone said recently in the US, and act like a grown-up in this period of transition,’’ the former prime minister told ABC’s Insiders on Sunday.

On Saturday, Philadelphia mayor Jim Kenney said: “I think what the President needs to do is, frankly, put his big boy pants on.

He needs to acknowledge the fact that he lost and he needs to congratulate the winner, just as Jimmy Carter did, just as George H.W. Bush did, and, frankly, just as Al Gore did.”

Comedian Shaun Micallef noted: “The first meeting of the transition teams should be interesting. If I were in the Biden camp, I’d be checking the curtain rods for prawns.”

Dear Americans, THIS is what an election in a mature democracy looks like. Yours,
The UK (H/T @loobstery) pic.twitter.com/lFRC0ht0x7

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) November 4, 2020

The Biggest Loser

This aged well. Trump tweeted on December 24, 2016: “Vladimir Putin said today about Hillary and Dems: ‘In my opinion, it is humiliating. One must be able to lose with dignity.’ So true!”

Toucan play that game

From the free bird website to actual birds at Kirribilli House in Sydney.

Journalist: “Prime Minister, what is Mr Trump’s legacy … ”

Scott Morrison: “Sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you over the birds.”

Journalist: “What is Mr Trump’s legacy in the Indo-Pacific?”

PM: “There has been a tremendous commitment by the Trump administration here in the Indo-Pacific …”

V-P at the G

It was also a historic weekend for Morrison.

He officially leapfrogged James Scullin to become our 19th-longest serving PM. Number 20?

The OG — Edmond Barton with two years and 266 days from January 1, 1901, to September 24, 1903.

ScoMo popped a letter in the post to Biden on Sunday, formally inviting him to visit down under next September for the 70th anniversary of the ANZUS alliance.

Fingers crossed he attends another AFL match.

When the V-P visited in 2016, he watched an MCG game between the Carlton Blues and West Coast Eagles with Julie Bishop, AFL boss Gill McLachlan and Collingwood forward Mason Cox.

Had a great time talking footy with the Vice President of the United States of America.#joebiden #bucketlist #VPinOz pic.twitter.com/9Un9wQ3a20

— Mason Cox (@masonsixtencox) July 17, 2016

And Biden was on the ball. “I guess he got a bit of a debriefing from the Secret Service or something,” Cox said. “He played rugby in college and I know it’s not the same but it’s close enough for most Americans, to be honest. I just had to explain what’s with the six points and one point, and the different positions here and there, but he actually knew quite a bit of it.”

For the record, the Blues lost by seven points.

Roman candle

Catholics are blaming the handball-sized hail that hit Queensland and NSW last weekend on … wait for … The Noosa Temple of Satan’s sold-out black mass! Not another term of the Palaszczuk government?

“The Australian government allowed a black mass to take place in Noosa, Queensland, this week,” the Irish-based Catholic Arena posted on Facebook.

“The demonic act was sanctioned by the Australian government and broadcast on Facebook by the Noosa Satanist group, who claimed that ‘Satan has great plans for Noosa’. Queensland was almost immediately inundated with flash flooding and hail storms with massive hailstones after the black mass.”

How did the devil worshippers respond?

“God has punished Queensland for allowing the black mass in Noosa,” Brother Samael Demo-Gorgon (aka Robin Bristow) said. “As God’s representative in Queensland, please send your hail-damage bill to the Catholic Church.”

Fangs for the memories

Hey all you cool cats and kittens!

Tiger King star Carole Baskin wants Daniel Andrews to, checks tape, “get on the beers”.

DJs Mashd N Kutcher (the duo behind remixes of the Victorian Premier’s press conferences) forked out $411 for the animal activist to record a video.

“Hey Dan Andrews, it’s Carole Baskin from Big Cat Rescue and I know you’ve been spending a lot of time working hard down at the zoo but we all want you to take a well-deserved break and get on the beers.

Because that is your civic duty, that’s what’s most important and that’s what must be done,” Baskin said in the clip.

Coincidentally, Andrews visited Werribee Zoo on Wednesday to announce a $84m upgrade. That’s grrrrreat!

What the hell just happened?!#springst #carolebaskin #TigerKing #getonthebeers pic.twitter.com/PHI5sG03g3

— James Oaten (@james_oaten) November 5, 2020

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