Satan’s stamp duty

Hell hath no fury like a Satanist scorned, it appears.

Robin Bristow.

Here’s an unlikely alliance – Amanda Stoker and BrotherSamael Demo-Gorgon (also known as LGBTI activist and former Sex Party candidate Robin Bristow). The notorious Noosa Temple of Satan sat down with the LNP senator in Brisbane on Monday afternoon for a tete-a-tete about religious freedoms. After the faithful expressed frustration with Christian Porter’s failure to pass the Religious Discrimination Bill – a 2019 election promise by Prime Minister Scott Morrison – the new Attorney-General Michaelia Cash quietly started meeting with church groups in June. Stoker is the assistant minister to the Attorney-General and a member of the religious right. However, she was happy to sit down with her concerned constituents … for the hell of it? “We pray the Dark Lord blesses our meeting,” Bristow said, before he went in. The desires of the devil’s advocate are deceptively simple: “We are demanding that The Morrison government, which is a big fan of free speech, includes new laws into the proposed Religious Discrimination Bill allowing people of faith to publish the name of their deity without being guilty of unlawful conduct. Hail Satan!” Why? Bristow was bristled by a recent decision from the Queensland Human Rights Commission, which he predicts will “open a Pandora’s box” of religious discrimination claims. “We asked Australia Post to produce a customised Satanic Christmas stamp,” Bristow said. “They refused our request but agreed to supply a similar Christian stamp. We complained to the Human Rights Commission that we had been the victims of religious discrimination. The Commission rejected our complaint.” Hell hath no fury like a Satanist scorned, it appears! The Dark Lord designs, submitted to Australia Post’s Personalised Stamps website, featured slogans such as “Hail Satan, not Santa, kids!” and “Make yours a Satanic Xmas”, alongside a pentagon. Australia Post told the Satanists they cancelled the order (and provided a full refund) because the stamps contained “text or images which do not meet community standards or expectations, or which may cause offence to a reasonable person”. As always, the devil’s in the details – sorry, the terms and conditions, in this case.

Thoughts and prayers

The Queensland Human Rights Commissioner Scott McDougall agreed and called the Satanists’ complaint against Australia Post “misconceived”, “lacking in substance”, and “trivial”. McDougall made the comments in a rejection letter that was sent to Bristow in September, and has been seen by Strewth. “As you would know, Christmas is a recognised Christian event,” McDougall decreed. “In my view, a reference to Satan on a Christmas stamp could be seen as ridiculing the Christian religion, and potentially unlawful.” The commish said accepting the “folly” complaint would likely cause the general community to “lose respect” for the QHRC. (The QHRC declined to comment for this column, citing confidentiality of complaints.) McDougall also noted: “There is no indication in the complaint that Satanism meets this criteria for a religion, or that you have a genuine belief in Satanism as a religion.” That explanation didn’t satisfy the sinners, who suspect it may lead to an inundation of complaints by non-Christians over the mention of God and baby Jesus this festive season. Bristow sermonised: “Apparently, Australians must take extra care at Christmas time to avoid offending Christians. If the mere mention of one deity can be considered offensive to another religion then all hell could break loose this Christmas … which may not be a bad thing”.

Amanda Stoker.

Stoke the hellfires

So, does Stoker have sympathy for the devil? The conservative Christian senator told Strewth: “I have been meeting with people from across our community to talk about the importance of the government’s Religious Discrimination Bill – even self-proclaimed Satanists.” The Noosa Temple has already sent in a submission on the government’s proposed bill, which Cash plans to introduce to parliament next week. Back in January 2020, the heathens labelled the legislation “completely unnecessary” and a waste of time. “Satanism has a message so powerful that we do not need laws to protect it,” they wrote. “Having said that, should this parliament vote to enact this legislation then Satanists across Australia will aggressively use this law to ensure that we can access all the privileges it guarantees.” As the saying goes … there’s no rest for the wicked. In the past two years, the Beelzebub believers have been busy campaigning for access to Anzac Day services, picking a fight with Queensland Health over adding a pentagram to the multi-faith centres in hospitals, and asking parents to sign a petition so they can teach religion classes in public high schools. Bristow has also held a sold-out Black Mass, with an entry fee of $6.66. This must be what NSW Liberal senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells meant when she argued everyone should have the right to freedom of religious speech in public or private.

Show of force

According to its spiritual leader, The Noosa Temple of Satan is “Australia’s fastest-growing religion”. It has attracted more than 10,000 Facebook followers around the country since its creation in December 2019. That’s more than the 1100 members of the Australian Jedi Council – Custom Saber Owners and Enthusiasts’ group. The friendly folks at the Australian Bureau of Statistics inform us that results from the latest census won’t be out until late June 2022. However, here were 2440 people across the country who reported their religious affiliation to be Satanism in 2016, while 47,741 claimed to be Jedi – 32 per cent fewer than the 2001 peak of 70,509. A disturbance in the force?

Robin Bristow.

It’s a little bit bunny

Anthony Albanese caught up with Mike Cannon-Brookes last week, before the billionaire tech bro signed up to co-own the South Sydney Rabbitohs with Hollywood gladiator Russell Crowe and casino titan James Packer. The three men will each own a quarter of the rugby league club, with the remaining 25 per cent held by members. Including die-hard bunny boiler Albanese. “(Cannon-Brookes) is, like me, a tragic for South Sydney Rabbitohs. And he’s a good mate of Russell’s as well,” the federal Opposition Leader said. “I’m sure that his contribution will strengthen South Sydney. And South Sydney, of course, have 21 premierships. And 22 in ’22 has a ring to it.” How very hoptimistic.

Great that fellow tragic ⁦@mcannonbrookes⁩ has provided further strength to ⁦@SSFCRABBITOHS⁩ ❤️💚 #SSTIDpic.twitter.com/092px6aR2L

— Anthony Albanese (@AlboMP) November 14, 2021

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