James Weir recaps The Bachelorette Australia 2021 semi-final

The Bachelorette’s not wrapping up smoothly, with one frontrunner let go after a big clash. James Weir recaps.

With The Bachelorette semi-final airing on Ten and the ARIA Awards streaming live on 9Now, never before has there been so many things to not watch.

On Wednesday night, just 24-hours before making her big final decision, Brooke is forced to dump one frontrunner after the pair clash over future plans.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. In one of the most beautiful television moments of the decade, Brooke declares her eternal love for carbs.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

Who’s left? Darvid, Holly and Jamie-Lee. Because it’s the end of the year and producers have run out of Red Balloon vouchers, the contestants are asked to organise DIY dates.

Darvid steals two kayaks and takes Brooke for a paddle around some random creek. It’s a gorgeous outing.

They have one of those relationships where it doesn’t matter what they’re doing, it’ll always be special. And the conversation between them is electric. It’s the perfect mix of flirty and highbrow.

“I love bread,” Brooke tells him.

I’ve never felt more represented on Australian TV screens.

Same, Brooke. Same.

And just when we think it can’t get any more romantic, Brooke goes and cranks it up a notch.

“Do I have anything on my face? A booger?” she asks Darvid.

It’s always important to find a soulmate who can be on booger-watch.

It’s OK if she does have a booger, because Darvid has organised a hot tub and she can just give her face a rinse. Honestly, the hot tub is OK but it’s not very inspired. If it’s not a bath tub filled with chocolate sauce like Richie and Alex circa 2016, we’re simply not interested.

More sauce baths pls.

The next day, it’s time for Jamie-Lee’s DIY date. She organises a hike. Frugal! It’s a practical idea until she realises she doesn’t have a cute hiking outfit.

“There was a point where I was gonna wear my Gucci sneakers today hiking,” she muses.

Gucci totally needs to do a collab with Kathmandu. Gucci windcheaters. Maybe a range of military-grade Gucci Thermoses.

… And Gucci-branded enamel dinner sets.

“I’m in love with you,” Jamie-Lee tells Brooke as they sit around a campfire.

Beautiful stuff. It’s what Brooke’s been wanting to hear this whole time. We almost get emotional with how much love there is tonight. Jamie-Lee loves Brooke. And Brooke loves bread.

We love love. And bread.

Our third DIY date is not like the others. There’s no boogers or Gucci windcheaters.

It has been a week since Brooke’s tumultuous hometown visit with Holly — where it came out that Holly doesn’t want kids and Brooke might wanna move back to Western Australia. Both girls were blime-fibeb. And we were also blime-fibeb — from the very beginning, we all thought Holly would win this thing.

“We’ve got big issues to discuss tonight. I don’t want to live in WA to raise a family and I don’t want three children,” Holly tells us.

It’ll be a super difficult conversation. We lock them on a rooftop, point a camera at them and then sit back to watch it unfold.

“WA is honestly not somewhere I can see myself,” Holly tells Brooke, adding that their relationship sounds like it’ll be awesome for a few years but then get tough if they want different things.

Both of them are trying to be diplomatic but the irritation is bubbling under the surface.

“To be honest, part of me is just like, why couldn’t you tell me this earlier?” Brooke snaps. “I just wanna know ... what were you looking for, originally? Like, you came into this experience and what were you looking for?”

“I’m looking to spend my life with someone-” Holly begins before Brooke cuts her off.

“But it’s not me … because you’re saying you’re giving me a time limit. I don’t know where to go from here. If you’re already pre-empting that, you’re already setting us up for failure. You’re basically saying this is gonna hit a roadblock. Are you willing to compromise?”

By now, Holly’s holding back tears. “I didn’t realise until hometowns that it was a non-negotiable,” she says of the kids and the cross-country move.

But Brooke’s done. This whole argument just keeps going around in circles. She’s tired and irritated. Right now, she’d do anything for a goddamn slice of bread.

“(This) takes me back to previous relationships where they’re just gonna be like ‘Oh, I love you, but …’” she trails off, getting up from the couch and walking away in a dramatic exit.

Holly also tries to walk away, but producers need at least one of them to stay on camera, so they lock the door and block her in a corner where she cries while one of the crew members guards her.

“I didn’t want this conversation to go this way,” she sobs. “I came here to find love and it’s slamming me in the heart that that’s probably not what’s gonna happen.”

It’s always exciting when the producers have to get on camera.

They’re clearly not going to end up together — but things aren’t over just yet. Producers drag Brooke back and make her end it on camera.

“I feel like, in my mind, I don’t wanna make you sacrifice anything that you don’t want to,” she tells Holly. “And I came here looking for something and I have to stick to my guns. And I just don’t know if we can get over this.”

They hug one final time. Then Holly takes her stilettos off to walk home.

Later that night, I got to thinking about relationships. It was never going to work out between Holly and Brooke. And maybe it’s never going to work out for any of us, either. Maybe the one true love — for all of us — is with bread.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

It’s a shoes-off kinda evening.