James Weir recaps The Bachelorette 2021 episode 3

A controversial bedroom choice is exposed on The Bachelorette. Do you do it, too? You should feel ashamed. James Weir recaps.

A disgusting bedroom admission from several contestants rocks The Bachelorette mansion on Wednesday night and the only thing more outrageous than the bold revelation is the fact none of the culprits are dumped effective immediately.

Of course, that’s not the only major news to come out of the episode. This year, it’s an unprecedented series making great strides in mainstream entertainment. Surely there’s gotta be a more meaningful takeaway than just a gross bedroom habit. And there is.

Tonight, there are also Chupa Chup earrings and Ariana Grande hair extensions.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

But first, it’s time for another convoluted game invented by Osher. Channel 10 should make a theme park out of all these terrible games.

We don’t really listen to the rules but it basically involves everyone answering a series of hard-hitting questions. Their answers have to match Brooke’s and the last person standing wins either a rose or Osher’s old ponytail. Winner’s choice.

The first question is of the true or false variety: I use a top sheet when making my bed...

It must be a gag question. Hilarious! Who on earth doesn’t use a top she-

Named and shamed.

Disgusting. Filthy. Repulsive. This admission is more offensive than that time a contestant went rogue and called The Bachelor a “dog C-word”.

This should’ve been a trick question that resulted in the immediate elimination of anyone who admitted to not using a top sheet.

Choosing to not use a top sheet is a dumpable offence. Always use a top sheet. Always. Even in summer. Actually, especially in summer. No one wants your body sweat stinkin’ up the bedspread.

People who opt out of top sheets are just as bad as adults who still sleep in single beds.

The next quiz question unearths some more unusual responses: Your partner comes home from work looking visibly upset. Do you …

A) Give them some space

B) Tell them a joke

C) Start cooking their favourite meal

All these options are incorrect. There’s only one correct way to respond in this situation: You open wine, let your partner rant endlessly, agree with everything they say – no matter how irrational – and then reply, “That really sucks”. This is the only acceptable response. And, if you really wanna show some initiative, then add, “Amber from marketing is just jealous of you”. This will lead to sex. Guaranteed. Just make sure there’s a top sheet on the bed.

Tonight’s cocktail party rolls around and that petty feud between Darvid and Emily rages on. She’s still miffed about how he pushed to the front of the queue at last week’s cocktail party to talk to Brooke, even though he already had a rose.

At first we’re on Darvid’s side. But then we notice Emily’s Chupa Chup earrings and we immediately switch to her side.

I want a pair in every flavour.

As revenge, Darvid tells Emily to go suck her earrings because he’s off to go suck face with Brooke.

The Ariana Grande hair extensions really steal the moment.

But that doesn’t mean anything because Holly is still clearly the front-runner. Why? Brooke sums it up succinctly: “It’s not about genitalia.”

Exactly. It’s about finding someone who will drive to the servo – even though it’s after midnight – to buy you ice-cream. That’s love, kids. It’s what we’re all watchin’ this show for.

Why is this show still running when we already have a winner?

At the rose ceremony, the group is whittled down to three names. One innocent girl is culled.

Usually we wouldn’t care. We don’t even know her name. But tonight it stings because the four weirdos who don’t use top sheets breeze through without a struggle.

Osher better invent a challenge that involves the Myer manchester department.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

At least you can hold your head high knowing that you use a top sheet.