James Weir recaps The Bachelorette Australia 2021 episode 2

In less than 24 hours, Brooke’s Bachelorette favourite has already been exposed for bad behaviour. James Weir recaps.

Only one night into The Bachelorette and Brooke’s frontrunner is exposed for bad behaviour – a revelation that is foreshadowed nicely by the fact he’s wearing a turtleneck.

Are all people who wear turtlenecks villainous? Not at all. But there is a unique confidence people feel when they wear a turtleneck. An attitude. Turtleneck-itude.

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But we’re not here for trivial dramas. We’re above that. The real reason we tune in on Thursday night is to see Part II of The Chair Thief fight.

Us waiting for The Chair Thief to strike again.

Konrad’s still spewin’. And when it comes time for the boring photoshoot group date, of course producers pair him with his arch nemesis, The Chair Thief. What’s the first thing he does? HE STEALS THE LAST CHAIR. What a champion. It’s always wonderful to see the underdog win for a change.

‘Do you even remember how to stand, Chair Thief?’

But, because she’s an expert chair thief, she stops at nothing and steals a chair of a different kind.

She’s diabolic. She could steal art from museums.

What’s the point of this photoshoot date anyway?

“These photos are gonna be in newspapers all over Australia. It feels cool. So many people are gonna see me,” one extremely down-to-earth guy explains to us.

Can’t wait to black-out your teeth with a pen while I wait for my coffee xx

The Bachelorette may have made huge developments this season, but some things never change. What’s planned for tonight’s first one-on-one date? A Red Balloon voucher helicopter ride on an overcast day.

Seriously, producers — check the weather app.

After the helicopter narrowly avoids flying into the eye of the storm, the pilot lands in a remote field. Brooke and Darvid then get tangled in metres of fake ivy and kiss.

Chic.

When it comes time for the cocktail party, all the dweebs who didn’t get to go on the group date petition to speak to Brooke first. Sounds fair, huh? Well, Darvid has other plans. Fresh from his single date and safe with a rose, he struts past the queue of dweebs and nabs Brooke. They’re all shocked but we’re not surprised. For the big cocktail party, he has changed into a turtleneck. He’s dripping in turtleneck-itude.

Typical turtleneck behaviour.

Some chick called Emily is positively miffed. “My initial reaction is, ‘D**k’,” she says of Darvid. “I hate that. I just find it so … muggy.”

Thanks for the terrific sound bite Emily! We can’t wait to steal your word and describe someone as “muggy” in the near future.

And she’s not done. Because this is The Bachelorette, there’s only one thing left for her to do: confront Darvid.

“You’ve got your own brain, your own two feet, you went and did what you did and I’m just gonna keep you at an honest distance and I’m no longer trusting you,” she starts babbling.

She thinks this is a really searing monologue but we zone out and start admiring that the mansion now has both tacky red champagne flutes and tacky green champagne flutes.

Sophisticated.

At the rose ceremony, one guy goes home. Who? Eh. This guy. Don’t know the name. He seems muggy.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Finally got to use that word!