James Weir: SAS Australia and the brutal reality for its celebrity contestants

These Aussie stars have been humiliated on TV — and there’s a sad truth behind it. James Weir recaps.

The quest for fame has become so desperate in this country that people are actually willing to strip naked and get set on fire as long as it means they’re on a TV screen.

This is what’s happening on the current series of SAS Australia – Channel 7’s extreme reality show that puts a ragtag troupe of sorta-celebrities through a brutal military course. Humiliation ensues.

The program pretends to be about the greatness that can be achieved when the human mind and body is pushed to the limit. What it’s actually about is tricking celebrities into thinking they’ve been gifted a second shot at fame, before making them misbehave in ways that will ensure they never work again.

Five minutes into this week’s premiere, the contestants were doused in petrol and then set on fire. Then they were made strip naked – the undignified, full-frontal scenes airing around the country.

As a public personality, at what point do you just draw a line in the sand and go get a nine-to-five job at Myer? Literally any other career is more dignified than being a contestant on SAS Australia.

Comedian Pauly Fenech bares all for SAS Australia.

The celebrities are literally set on fire.

It’s only gonna get worse for the show’s current crop of stars. Based on previous seasons, they can expect to be teargassed and then punched in the face.

But it’s the show’s “interrogations” that really add a different layer to the embarrassment. Former military soldiers lock the celebrities inside a concrete cell and force them to reveal all the dirty details about their most salacious scandals.

In the first series, Candice Warner was pushed to spill about the 2007 toilet tryst incident with footballer Sonny Bill Williams. And if that wasn’t bad enough, days later, the campsite’s communal toilet bucket exploded on her.

Last year’s big headline-maker was former Rabbitohs star Sam Burgess, who reportedly raked in between $150,000-$200,000 in exchange for opening up about his troubled marriage to ex-wife Phoebe. Admissions of cheating and drug use were laid bare – all part of a redemption narrative the footy star was no doubt hoping to engineer with the TV appearance.

And because all reality shows need a villain, there’s at least one celebrity every year who has their reputation absolutely destroyed.

Underbelly actor Firass Dirani copped national backlash in the first series for his petulant behaviour on screen. Last year it was former Home And Away actor Dan Ewing who got given the bad edit.

This year’s villain is serial reality star Locky Gilbert.

“I am an egotistical arsehole,” the former Survivor contestant said on the show this week. “Everyone I meet and everyone I work with knows I have a massive ego.”

Then he got in a nasty fight with comedian Pauly Fenech – calling him the C-word before threatening to headbutt him.

It’s a never-ending PR nightmare. There’s absolutely no benefit to doing this show. And most of the personalities are barely getting paid.

Last year, ousted federal Labor MP Emma Husar was reportedly paid a measly $25,000. Other contestants like socialite Brynne Edelsten, singer Pete Murray and actor Dan Ewing were reportedly paid between $50,000 and $70,000.

After tax, that’s nothing. They’re barely left with enough cash to buy a Kia Rio.

I don’t know anyone who’d voluntarily agree to be set on fire and then stripped naked on TV in exchange for a Kia Rio.

Serial reality star Locky Gilbert is not coming off well during his SAS stint.

Another current participant is Anna Heinrich. Yes, she’s a former contestant on The Bachelor, but she’s also a qualified lawyer. She doesn’t need to be doing this!

Barry Hall is a sporting legend and this week we watched him sitting on the toilet before throwing a tantrum because someone p*ssed on the seat. The footy star then confronted the seat spritzer while wearing no pants.

Something has gone terribly wrong in your life if the only job offers coming in require you to be filmed while sitting on the toilet.

It’s a cautionary tale for all the kids. Save your money and have a backup plan.

And do SAS Australia’s scandal-plagued celebrity contestants hoping to rehab their image realise they could’ve just done Anh’s Brush With Fame?

It’s a much smarter choice. Anh’s not gonna teargas you, you can sit down the whole time and, at the end, you get a free piece of art to keep in your garage.

Hell, even going on Married At First Sight would be preferable. I’d rather get gaslit than teargassed.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

A pantless Barry Hall confronts the seat spritzer. INSET: Barry on the toilet.