James Weir recaps SAS Australia 2022 episode 2

A low act has played out on Aussie screens as a TV star is exposed and shamed over unacceptable toilet behaviour. James Weir recaps.

A mass exodus of stars and a string of near-death experiences are overshadowed on Tuesday’s SAS Australia by something far more newsworthy: unacceptable toilet behaviour.

Veteran viewers of Channel 7’s extreme reality series will know the communal drop toilets shared by the celebrity contestants at the military base camp have been the location of some of modern television’s most horrendous on-screen moments.

And two episodes into the latest series, we find ourselves at the scene of the crime again, when one innocent star becomes the victim of another’s bad etiquette. Tonight, the perpetrator is exposed in a pantless confrontation.

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After completing a particularly tedious physical challenge, AFL great Barry Hall rushes to the communal toilets upon returning to camp. He stomps into the stall and slams shut the rickety timber door, which barely offers an inch of modesty for the six-foot-three tall sporting legend.

Immediately, we hear a pained groan.

“Locky p**sed on the seat again,” Barry calls out across the camp ground.

We watch as he shifts uncomfortable on the seat.

Confronting scenes.

Alleged seat spritzer Locky Gilbert hears the accusations and lets out a satisfied chuckle.

“I’m just a terrible aimer,” he shrugs.

Zero remorse. No guilt. This act immediately sets back his hopes of a redemption narrative.

Barry’s not having a bar of it.

“I’m pretty good in basic conditions — I don’t mind pooing in a hole,” he muses. “But bad habits on the toilet, I can’t stand. And I will speak up.”

Good for you, Baz. You shouldn’t be silenced. Only the brave are willing to stand up and demand justice.

He marches out of the stall and into the shared sleeping quarters to call an emergency group meeting. He doesn’t even bother pulling his pants up. That’s how furious he is.

There’s no time for pants when you’ve gotta confront a seat spritzer.

“Are all the boys here?” his booming voice bounces off the concrete walls and floors.

“When youse go and have a p**s, can you not p**s on the seat? If I need to do another one, I don’t wanna be sittin’ on a p**s-stained seat.”

The fellow celebrities hear the message loud and clear. But Barry’s toilet hell is only just beginning.

The cleaning roster is handed out and he’s put on toilet duties along with model Simone Holtznagel.

Simone’s thrilled and honoured to be awarded the privilege:

Strut into that stall, supermodel.

As veteran viewers know, the toilet cleaning always ends in catastrophe. Lest we forget the great toilet explosion of 2020, when four celebrities become the unsuspecting victims of a detonated toilet bucket. We haven’t seen them since.

We thought it was a freak attack, but the circumstances were mirrored one year later — almost to the day.

Tonight, Simone pulls on her protective rubber gloves but Barry decides to go rogue and enter the stalls with his bare hands. Some people just refuse to learn from history.

“Oh my god, it smells so bad!” Simone falls backwards.

Barry rolls his eyes. “I can do the toilets,” he sighs, giving his supermodel sidekick a free pass out of having to do the chore.

And what does he care? He’s already sat in Locky’s pee droplets. May as well get elbow-deep in the toilet bucket.

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