James Weir recaps Mr and Mrs Stefanovic’s Cabo wedding

It was flagged as a low-key family affair but when Karl Stefanovic and Jasmine got married there was one moment that screamed OTT.

Karl and Jasmine Stefanovic have said “si!” during a low-key and understated ceremony in the Mexican desert joined by their nearest and dearest, which naturally included former foreign minister Julie Bishop and some chick from Instagram.

It was your standard wedding. The kind that involved deploying machine gun-toting Mexican marines to patrol the coastline — threatening anyone who came near with arrest — as well as a monstrous sci-fi orb structure made of steel beams that required an engineering team to assemble. You know, nothing special.

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It’s somewhere between the LED orb and the armed marine officers where the celebrations went overboard. I can’t put my finger on it but there’s just something about engaging armed foreign military forces to do your wedding security that screams OTT.

We always knew this wedding was going to be a spectacle. An extravaganza, if you will. A circus even, with that large light-up steal-beamed structure becoming the tent under which this event would unfold.

Karl Stefanovic and Jasmine Yarbrough wedding in Cabo at the One&Only Palmilla resort

The LED orb was totally low-key. Picture: Backgrid

As with most events in life, this shebang just didn’t feel real until an official hashtag was created. That’s when we knew it was getting serious. In the days leading up to Saturday’s celebrations, the hashtag #LetsGetFizzyKarl began to adorn the social media posts of the couple’s friends and it only took us two days to understand the pun.

There’s nothing like a hashtag containing a vague pun to really add momentum to a special occasion. And the three-day affair was quickly kicked into overdrive.

Karl has always been more of a Rachel than a Ross which is why he selected Jennifer Aniston’s holiday destination of choice — The One&Only Palmilla — as the headquarters for the big day.

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There were many advantages to going global and holding the event in Cabo — an opulent holiday playground for the rich and famous perched on the cliffs of the Baja Peninsula where the desert meets the sea. But mostly, it was just really terrific for everyone to finally have a legitimate excuse to wear head-to-toe linen. Being able to wear full-body linen without feeling like an idiot is honestly the dream and Karl was living it. For that, we have mucho respect.

As the sun set over Cabo on Saturday afternoon and Karl waited for his bride to walk down the aisle in the middle of the palatial resort, drama unfolded nearby. A strong message was sent: Stop the boats.

Karl Stefanovic and Jasmine Yarbrough pictured in Cabo the night before their wedding.

On the high seas, the Mexican marines waged a fierce battle against media in small boats. The salty waters of the Sea Of Cortez lashed journalists’ faces as they tried to figure out what on earth the giant beach orb was for. As the war raged on, the sun quickly sank behind the granite rocks of Land’s End. The ocean turned black and the sky became a shadow. Suddenly, thousands of LED lights covering the futuristic orb lit up the dark. Terrified media aboard the battered boats shrieked, so sure they were that they were about to be abducted by Karl’s wedding venue.

Karl and Jasmine with their bridal party. Bridesmaids: her high school friends Sarah Johnson, Sophie Pentland, Jimilla Houghton, Stoj Bulic, and Georgie Fleming, sister Jade Yarbrough and business partner Tamie Ingham. Groomsmen: Brothers Tom and Pete Stefanovic, Josh Yarbrough, close friends Ben Tilley, Mick Doohan, Steve Marshall and schoolfriend Alan Rogina.

Just a few metres away on dry land, up the shore and inside the lush grounds of the resort, the Today host was oblivious to the drama unfolding. His fiancee was his only focus.

“Holy shit! You’re hot!” he boomed after Jasmine — dressed in a custom-made mini-dress — was walked to the front of the chapel by her father.

Celebrity guests such as Richard Wilkins and Sylvia Jeffreys and Grant Kenny watched on while Julie Bishop sat stone-faced wondering how on earth she got tricked into coming.

Christian Wilkins and Montana Cox. Picture: Instagram/theprincewilkins

The couple were flanked by seven bridesmaids and seven groomsmen which was beautiful but also impressive because most of us can’t even think of seven people we actually like.

Personal details appeared throughout the ceremony. Bridesmaid Sophie Pentland read a verse from a Van Morrison song. Beautiful touch. Similarly, at my own wedding, I plan on telling my grandma she’ll be doing a reading from the Corinthians but then change her script to the Nicki Minaj lyrics: “When he come up in the club he be blazin’ up / He got stacks on deck like he savin’ up.”

Karl with his brothers Peter (left) and Tom and sister Elise Pointon.

As weathered and chapped-faced media began to wash up on the shore down the coast, the happy couple and their almost-200 strong wedding party descended on the beach from Palmilla — running toward the glowing orb that would be their mothership for the evening. Karl and Jasmine toasted their marriage with a drink from the specially imported Bundaberg Rum bar while local staff rolled their eyes that their fine tequila selection was replaced with a bogan beverage.

It’s around this time one question loomed.

What about Cass?

Everyone was waiting to find out how Karl’s ex wife was spending the day back in Australia. Days earlier, she had been photographed jetting out of Sydney. Her bold slogan tee said everything so she didn’t have to. “NEVER,” was the single word emblazoned across the mum-of-three’s chest. Never before has a slogan tee packed such a punch. It said so much. But also not really.

Since the split two years ago, whenever Karl and Jasmine are papped doing something fabulous like vacationing in LA or playing tennis on a weekday afternoon, Cass is always immediately papped doing something like vacuuming the car. But there was no vacuuming today. The car could wait until tomorrow.

Instead, as Karl and Jasmine surrendered themselves to the illuminated orb, Cass took to Instagram to inform us she was kicking back with the frivolous and light-hearted 1985 page-turner The Handmaid’s Tale.

Cassandra Thorburn captioned her Instagram post ‘a good book for my journey’. Picture: Instagram/cassthorburn

Unfortunately she just forgot to use the official hashtag: #LetsGetFizzyKarl.

Maybe she didn’t get the pun either.

Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir