Titus O’Reily: Ashes about English misery, not Aussie glory
It was great that Australia won the first Ashes Test, but it meant so much more that England lost. The joy of England losing is one of the rare things that can unite all Australians, writes Titus O’Reily.
Melbourne
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Australia’s victory in the first Ashes Test created such a sense of joy in my heart, that I felt like I’d accomplished something myself. As a Melbourne supporter, happiness is something I’m unfamiliar with, so I leap on any sporting victory.
But there’s something more than that going on.
For some reason, I just love beating England. Yes, I was happy Australia won, but it meant so much more that England lost.
It’s a strange reaction. Why should I be so happy that a country whose weather makes Melbourne’s seem tropical, that is currently tearing itself apart in a desperate bid to bring back long-lost glory, had lost a sporting contest?
After all, England doesn’t win much. This year alone it didn’t win the Netball World Cup, the Women’s Ashes and even the cricket World Cup.
The real answer I suspect is the joy of England losing is one thing that unites all Australians. It’s a part of our history — Australia defined itself early on by defeating England in cricket.
In the 1860s, Australia started to play England in cricket.
At first, we welcomed these English teams as if they were our own — after all, we were part of England.
In 1868, the first Australian team toured England.
It was a team made up of indigenous cricketers. The crowds saw them as a novelty, and the tour was gruelling, with 47 games played in total. The team acquitted itself well, winning 14, losing 14 and drawing 19.
Then, during England’s 1876-77 tour of Australia, a combined colonies team first defeated the English in a “Test’’.
England had a population of 20 million in 1877, compared to Australia’s two million, although our census site had crashed so that figure could be way off.
At the time we thought beating England at cricket was a huge accomplishment — it took decades for us to figure out it wasn’t that hard.
But, suddenly, we realised we could compete as equals with the home country and the pursuit of beating the English in as many sports as possible united a young nation and drove it to become the greatest society humanity has ever seen.
Worse was to come for the English — on August 29, 1882, a team from the Australian colonies beat them at The Oval. At the ground, the reaction was one of both shock and excitement — one man in the crowd dropped dead. A suitable response.
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The English press called it the day English cricket died, placing obituaries in the papers. Unfortunately for the English, English cricket seems to have an amazing ability to keep dying over and over again.
As Australia found its feet as a nation, it became clear that when it came to sporting ability we were blessed like no other country.
A big reason was that while those from our motherland suffered crippling vitamin D deficiencies, we Australians got a year’s worth of English sun every hour, even when sitting inside.
It’s only the first Test, and England can rebound, but once again, the sweet taste of an English defeat has been felt on the lips of all Australians.
A TIMELINE OF AFLX
2017 — The AFL thinks a shortened version of the game is a wonderful idea
2018 — AFLX is announced and everyone else thinks it’s terrible
2018 — The first tournament is players confirming it’s terrible
2019 — The Rampage win the AFLX Premiership, no one cares
2019 — The AFL also realises that AFLX is terrible and that everyone else was right