Susie O’Brien: Dear Jimmy Bartel, this is why I’ve lost respect for you

Jimmy Bartel asked us to have more respect for women — but then failed to treat his wife and sons with respect. So how can he in turn expect “a bit of respect” as the spotlight shines on his marriage breakdown, asks Susie O’Brien.

Where was Jimmy Bartel’s respect for his wife, Nadia? Picture: Michael Klein

Dear Jimmy,

I am sorry to say this, but I have lost respect for you in light of the way you’ve handled your break-up with your wife Nadia.

You and Nadia and not the only ones who have had a marriage break down. It happens to one in three couples these days.

The end of a relationship is not the problem. The problem is that you have not treated your wife and sons with respect.

You might say this is not anyone else’s business, and you might be right.

But you, Jimmy, have put yourself on a pedestal as a campaigner against violence against women.

You are an ambassador for Our Watch’s Doing Nothing Causes Harm campaign.

Jimmy Bartel famously grew his beard and hair long to raise awareness of violence against women. Picture: AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy

Jimmy Bartel's advice for men in an ad for L’Oreal.

Bartel is ambassador for Our Watch. Picture: Mal Fairclough

As you wrote a few months ago: “Most of us know what disrespectful behaviour towards women looks like, it’s time we go one step further and do something about it.”

“While not all disrespect leads to violence, all violence starts with disrespect,” you wrote.

Your youngest son has not even turned one, and your break-up has only just become public, so it wasn’t very respectful to be photographed with your new girlfriend Lauren Mand on

the footpath outside a Sydney pub last week.

Do you really think no one would recognise the two of you?

I am a Cats fan so I’ve followed your career since the beginning.

I was on your side when you won three premierships for our club.

I was on your side when you won the Brownlow and Norm Smith medals.

Bartel’s new squeeze, Lauren Mand.

Bartel with Lauren Mand in Sydney.

I was on your side when you talked about your father’s physical abuse of your mother and sisters and when you grew your hair and beard in order to draw attention to domestic violence.

Back then you said it was “important to do something about disrespect towards women, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant”.

I know breakups are messy and there’s two sides to every story.

But you can’t say one thing in public and then act another way in your personal life.

Jimmy, you may say it’s a “private matter” but you and Nadia have lived your relationship in the spotlight. It’s a bit too late to be asking for “a bit of respect” from the public now when it doesn’t seem like you’ve respected your own family.

Jimmy Bartel faced criticism when he took to the ground at the EJ Whitten Legends Game. Picture: Kelly Defina/Getty Images

Fans took out their anger on you at the EJ Whitten game, with many venting on social media.

“Cannot look (at) Jimmy Bartel after what he did to his wife and family,” said one.

It’s because they want to believe in you. You have been in demand in your post-football career, in part because of your status as a dedicated husband and father.

There are lots of ex-footballers, but you offered something more — or at least we thought you did.

TV host Karl Stefanovic went through the same thing when he moved on so quickly after leaving his wife Cassie.

He discovered a big part of his popularity rested on him being a good bloke in real life and not just on screen.

Your sons Aston and Henley are only three and ten months old. They are the ones I feel for most at this time.

Nadia Bartel spoke at an event last month, after news of her split with husband Jimmy emerged. Picture: Mark Stewart

Nadia has mostly kept quiet, saying her focus is to “protect, care and provide for my two beautiful boys as this is a personal matter”.

But she’s managed a swipe at you, saying, “Although I’m heartbroken, I don’t want to comment specifically on what’s been reported about Jim’s trip to the UK as I don’t think it’s in anyone’s interest”.

The standard media line is that she found out about your infidelity in June via text message and moved out soon afterwards.

She was blindsided and devastated, but insiders are saying things hadn’t been rosy with you and Nadia for some time.

While Nadia’s being showered with praise for being dignified and brave in keeping her work commitments, you’re receiving nasty messages on social media.

There is a double standard because women in general take on a much larger share of the child-caring responsibilities and go on to earn less money after marriage breakdowns.

Nadia Bartel with her sons on Father's Day. Picture: Instagram

Jimmy Bartel also posed with his sons on Father's Day. Picture: Instagram

You said you can’t see why you wouldn’t keep turning up to work. Well, Nadia won’t get the same opportunity because she’ll presumably have primary care of your two young sons.

As I write, both you and Nadia are using your sons in a social media campaign of one-upmanship for Father’s Day. It’s not a good look for either of you.

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Jimmy, it’s going to be a while before we see you the same way again. It’s time you took your own advice and showed more respect for women, starting with the mother of your sons.

Cheers,

Susie

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