The 10 worst movies of 2019

From tired franchises, to lacklustre rom-coms and cringeworthy biopics, 2019 offered up plenty of movies we’d rather forget. These are the 10 films you should avoid.

From tired franchises, to lacklustre rom-coms and trashy biopics 2019 offered up plenty of movies we rather forget.

1. X-MEN: DARK PHOENIX

X-Men: Dark Phoenix can do little more than emit one apologetic shrug after another. Picture: Fox Films.

The exact moment the X-Men became the X-Pired. This badly broken 12th instalment is one big pile of filler, dispersed with grim professionalism by actors with contracts to complete, cheques to cash and consciences to repair.

2. AFTER

Josephine Langford and Hero Fiennes-Tiffin in After.

A lifeless combo of Fifty Shades of Grey minus the kinky sex, and Twilight minus the vampires and werewolves. Lead actors exude a rare mystique where you can never quite pick if they’re entering a coma, or coming out of one.

3. HELLBOY

A two-bit, one-note, zero-idea reboot of the Hellboy franchise. Knowing where to start with assessing the size and weight of this turkey is impossible, mainly because it always has you wondering when it will end.

4. BACK OF THE NET

Gemma Chua-Tran (Jessica) and Sofia Wylie (Cory Bailey) in Back of the Net film by Brisbane director Louise Alston and Brisbane producer Steve Jaggi

A joyless Australian-made mash-up of athleticism, academia, adolescent romance and awful, awful acting. A confection so thin and flavour-free, it dissolves immediately on impact.

5. THE DIRT

While this is undoubtedly a truly terrible movie, there is a distinct possibility it will find lasting favour with the so-bad-it’s good crowd.

The next rock biopic after Bohemian Rhapsody was always going to look dodgy. Motley Crue took everything down many notches, congratulating themselves on all the women they swiftly bedded, shedded and worse.

6. TOP END WEDDING

Top End Wedding is tired old get-’em-to-the-church-on-time comedy that has already been in circulation for way too long. Picture: Universal Pictures.

A tired old get-’em-to-the-church-on-time comedy set in the Northern Territory. Some Australian filmmakers need to stop assuming local audiences are dumb as bricks and will settle for anything.

7. RAMBO: LAST BLOOD

No-one in their right mind would go hailing Last Blood a classic. Picture: Roadshow Films.

The most viciously violent movie of 2019. Bones are snapped like toothpicks. Hearts are hacked out of chests. Heads say goodbye to shoulders. While old Sly Stallone loses his marbles, you’ll lose your lunch.

8. PALM BEACH

Think long and hard before RSVP-ing to Palm Beach. Picture: Universal Pictures.

Bryan Brown rounds up old mates for a posh party at his plush pad. Together they solve first-world problems like a neighbour’s chimney blocking a view of the sea, and whether to install an outdoor pizza oven.

9. MURDER MYSTERY

While Aniston is quite at ease with the low-level intrigue of the case at hand, Sandler mostly just stands there and says something sort of crass, ignorant or both.

Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston downgrade a wacky whodunnit into a woeful whywatchit. The work of people who once saw an Agatha Christie book down at the newsagents, but forgot to look inside.

10. GEMINI MAN

Gemini Man is so deathly dull it barely manages to break out of a reluctant jog.

This deathly dull, high-concept-low-impact dud asked audiences to hurry up and wait for a 51-year-old Will Smith to get in a feeble fight to the death with a 25-year-old Will Smith. Who won? Who cares?

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