Jana Hocking on the nightmare of dating a certain type of divorcee

Divorcees can make great partners but this particular type of divorcee should be avoided at all costs, says Jana Hocking.

It’s no secret that I like to preach from the rooftops the merits of dating a divorcee. Yes, I stand by my statement that divorced men are an untapped market we really need to lean into.

They’re not seasoned pros on Tinder, they haven’t learnt that it is now perfectly acceptable to ask someone out via text, and they’re determined to learn from the past mistakes in their marriage and do better. Groundbreaking.

But **hangs head in shame** I am afraid I need to make an amendment. Not every divorcee is ripe for the picking. Oh no. I discovered this a few months ago during what was supposed to be a romantic weekend away with one such gent.

We connected over Instagram and went on a brilliant date when he visited my city. Well actually … we went on two great dates. Coffee in the morning and then met up for cocktails that night.

Sparks were flying, the banter was on point and on a surface level we were very attracted to each other. Tick, tick, tick.

So sure, it may have seemed a little reckless to plan an interstate weekend away after only one date, but like I said, the sparks were flying.

We booked flights, found a gorgeous hotel with a spa and winery, and packed our bags with haste.

Jana Hocking is usually a fan of dating a divorcee. Picture: Instagram

All was going swimmingly … until the first night.

I had flown into town a day early to attend an event. He picked me up the next day from my hotel and he was looking HOT. We drove to his house and dropped off my things before making our way to dinner at a local wine bar.

He did that thing that instantly makes me swoon.

He grabbed my hand on the walk to the restaurant. As someone who hasn’t had a proper boyfriend in yonks, this act of affection meant a lot. Probably more than it should to most people. But hey, touch is my love language.

We had a lovely dinner and then home for a movie and wine before an early start the next day.

Now, let this be a lesson to you all, don’t go wine tasting if you’re carrying a heavy mental load. Yes, Chardonnay really makes you air your grievances.

The first red flag was when he mentioned he was missing his kids. Now trust me, there’s absolutely no shame in that – but it felt like he would rather be home with them then running carelessly through a vineyard.

It quickly became clear that his divorce was still far too fresh. He was still coming to terms with not seeing his kids every day and my heart broke for him.

The second red flag came when he said oh so casually: “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever date properly again. It’s the single life for me.”

May I repeat, we were on a very romantic trip, surrounded by wineries, and spas, and damn rose petals.

By the second winery, he was really opening up about his past relationship. Ooooft. I think it’s really healthy to talk about things that upset you when you’re in a fragile place in life, but perhaps not to the person you are on a date with.

By the end of the weekend, I was less ‘girlfriend material’ and more ‘therapist’.

We had got to the bottom of his troubles and put a plan in place for him to really get back on top of things. And I’m super chuffed for him, but safe to say the spark had been extinguished.

In the end, I made up an excuse to get dropped off at the airport a few hours earlier and promised myself that it would be a lesson learnt. No more dating blokes fresh from a marriage break up.

So let my faux pas be a lesson to us all – there must be at least a year in between break-up to boyfriend. Let him work his way through the custody battles, process the break-up, seek some therapy (highly recommend!) and get the rebound sex out of his system before he settles down with your good self.

Lord knows nothing kills the vibe quite like a fresh divorce. Learn from my mistake people.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on the nightmare of dating a certain type of divorcee