Jana Hocking on why so many women are still faking orgasms

It’s an enduring bedroom issue that’s not going away and there’s a reason why so many men get it wrong, says Jana Hocking.

Men, I have some rather grim sexual news for you. You’re not going to like it, but stick with me because I’m about to reveal the problem and the solution for you.

It would appear from my very thorough research that you are doing sex completely wrong.

You see, each Monday night on my Instagram I ask my followers to send me a Saucy Secret. I share them anonymously with a sexy picture I think matches the story.

Safe to say, they never disappoint. Followers share what kind of kinks they are into, stories of illicit affairs, dalliances with people of various sexual preferences and numerous other saucy tales.

One common theme I’m finding among the women is that many of them fake orgasms – and I know (and understand) exactly why.

You see men are doing it all wrong! Watch any sex scene in any movie right now and you would think a woman has an orgasm as soon as a man inserts his old fella.

Yep, according to most movies, all a man must do is push a woman up against a wall, or take the standard missionary position, and we’re moaning in delight within seconds.

The issue is, that’s not how it works in real life. And our G-spot is not found that quickly.

Firstly, let’s start with foreplay. For insertion alone we need a bit of a warm-up. Don’t just strip us down and think we’re good to go.

Take is slow, make it fun. Treat our bodies like a ravenous jungle that needs to be explored from top to bottom. Use your eyes and ears to see what gets us going.

In fact, perhaps start literally with our ears. I read a meme the other day that said “Saying ‘good girl’ triggers something absolutely barbaric in my brain” and to that I say “hear hear sista!” Seriously, start by turning us on with words, it shows confidence and engagement.

Jana Hocking wants men to learn how to please a woman. Picture: Instagram

Then, and this is the most important part – realise that our G-spot is not necessarily located on the inside. Talking to a group of friends recently, we all agreed that our orgasms very rarely comes from plain ol’ penetration.

It usually comes from a very specific spot. Now grab a pen fellas because you may want to write this down: It starts with a C and ends with a T. Yes, my friends, it is called the clitoris, and you really want to give it lots of attention.

And I’m not just saying this based on my small tally of girlfriends who all agreed. There’s an actual study that proves that women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.

The Centre for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University assessed data from 1055 women ages 18 to 94 who answered a detailed online survey about their sex lives, which found that the majority of women reported that they often don’t reach orgasm through intercourse alone.

This contradicts the stereotype that intercourse is the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. It suggests that couples should explore the whole range of pleasurable options for achieving climax. For example oral stimulation, or the use of pleasure tools.

Now it makes sense why the sex toy industry is making big bucks off a new-ish type of vibrator that is designed specifically for the clitoral area. I’ve been sent two in the past month from lovely brands and I’m certainly not sad about it.

One thing we women must cop though, is that we are partly to blame for this misguided belief that women have orgasms from horrid jackhammering. To put it simply, we lie. In fact, we tend to lie a lot. That earth shattering orgasm you think you just gave us … well give the girl an Oscar because she was faking it. Rather impressively so.

No wonder you blokes think penetration is a fast track to an orgasm. We often make you think that’s the case. The reality is we got bored and decided to wrap things up.

So, let’s clear this up once and for all. Men, start paying more attention to our clitoral area – and if you don’t know where that is located do a quick google search. It will blow your mind. And women, stop faking orgasms. Instead, perhaps nudge your man in the right direction and only moan when you mean it.

Sorted. Now go enjoy a fulfilling (and honest) sex life.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking