Jana Hocking on an easy trick for a better sex life

Jana Hocking has found a way to have much better sex – and it’s the fastest and easiest sex trick anyone will ever learn.

The other night I got called out for a deed I was doing in the bedroom that was really messing with my mojo. I thought I was going undercover with this sneaky manoeuvre, but oh no it was outrageously obvious to the dude I was nude with.

He called me out on it, and I have to say my orgasm game has been on fire since!

Let me explain …

Recently I wrote about a major reason women aren’t experiencing orgasms as much as they would like to. To quickly summarise, it’s because blokes think we orgasm from a good ol’ fashion jack hammering.

To be fair, we must lay some of the blame on ourselves because we tend to get bored, fake an orgasm and wind it up.

The guy lays there quietly chuffed with himself while we lay there wondering why they didn’t spend more time on foreplay or caressing our clitoral area (a highly underrated G-spot). Basic communication breakdown.

Well, it turns out there’s another jolly good reason why we aren’t reaching the big O as much as blokes do. It’s because we’re so caught up in our head, and not in our body.

I found I was always going on top because I didn’t want the guy to see my boobs looking flat. I was so busy in my head worrying about how my body looked while doing the deed that I forgot to actually tune in to the actual sensation of a hot guy treating me like an amusement park.

Jana Hocking has found a way to have much better sex. Picture: Instagram

It wasn’t until I had a chat with a guy recently who could tell I was being super paranoid, that I stopped caring what I looked like, and started focusing on how I felt.

He literally stopped mid-act and said “Stop holding your boobs up. I like seeing them natural.”

I thought I was holding them in a kind-of seductive manner, but he was on to me. He explained that boobs that sit upright look too fake and that by the time he’s got naked, he’s so turned on that he couldn’t give a hoot where things jiggled. In fact, he liked it.

Bless men and their ability to just be laser focused on the act and not the appearance. I swear a burglar could raid the house and they wouldn’t even notice. They’re too busy in their zone having a wonderful time.

So why are many of us women so caught up about our appearance in the bedroom? There’s a simple, yet slightly dark reason …

Women have been brought up to be always conscious of their body. Back in the ‘90s and early ‘00s magazines would run shameful front cover spreads of celebrities looking ghastly on the beach with their cellulite showing.

In fact, they would even circle the cellulite just in case we missed it.

Many women have bad body image after decades of toxic messaging, says Jana Hocking. Picture: Instagram

TV Shows like Love Island make us believe boobs must look perky at all times. We’re told a real woman’s figure is shapely with boobs and butt, but no fat rolls. Oh no, no, no, they shouldn’t exist.

Plus let’s not forget that it’s preached to us that all hair must be lasered off below the shoulders. A prickly leg caught between shaves is most unsightly.

So, what happens when you get naked with a guy? You suddenly become aware of every single thing you don’t like about your body. It’s exhausting.

Sex educator Shadeen Francis recently said: “Fight the urge to move out of your body and back into your head.

“It is so easy for folks to be enjoying themselves and think their way out of it. That can sound like, ‘Do I look fat?’” She explained that these are all internalised messages that keep us from that place of enjoyment.

So how do we get out of our heads in bed? Well, I did a google deep-dive and found some very good answers.

First, when you notice yourself doing it, take a few deep breaths and start focusing on the sensations in your body. Where feels good. Zone in on that.

Secondly, repeat a mantra in your head. Something along the lines of ‘I’m present’ or ‘I’m a sexual being worthy of fulfilment’.

Sounds kooky but I’ve tried both mantras and they actually work.

Thirdly, remind yourself that the person you are with is too busy having a good time to be focusing on silly things like a belly wobble or sneak peak of cellulite.

As one of my best mates said to me, “I’m just stoked I get to have sex.” He also threw in a “all boobs are great boobs”.

So please women, for the sake of the sisterhood, stop being the spectator and immerse yourself fully into the moment. Sex can be marvellous when you let yourself go.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on an easy trick for a better sex life