‘Embarrassing’ chat no woman wants to have

It’s something women can’t seem to avoid – yet this dating trend is forcing them into embarrassing confrontations, says Jana Hocking.

On Wednesday night, I was at a very fancy restaurant opening. It was one of those events that makes you instantly regret your outfit choice and the limp GHD curls you attempted before quickly running out the door.

You see, it was filled with models and influencers and basically anyone pretty enough to belong on a catwalk. The men looked rich and the women looked gaunt.

As I self-consciously perused the room, stopping to talk to people here and there, I eventually joined a conversation with four very attractive women. All were complaining about their love lives. One, who looked like she had come straight from a Victoria’s Secret shoot, was complaining that her man still won’t commit, despite being together for eight months.

Another was complaining about her live-in lover who was still insisting they “don’t put a title on it”. Yep, they literally live together, but aren’t exclusive.

It was then that I had a shocking realisation. Even the gorgeous women are stuck in ‘situationships’!

For those who are happily coupled up and have no idea what a situationship is, it is defined as a relationship with no label on it. Basically, a non-exclusive romantic arrangement that may or may not precede a committed partnership.

To those of us who have been, or are currently in one, it’s also defined as an absolute head f**k. Seriously, they drive me bonkers.

Jana Hocking was surrounded by gorgeous women who were stuck in situationships. Picture: Instagram

As I scoffed down my third delicious vol-au-vent, I pondered why the heck any man with eyes wouldn’t be locking these women down. May I repeat once again – they were gorgeous! Cheekbones that could cut glass, thick long hair that belonged in Pantene ads and legs that reached the sky.

What hope does a normal gal have when even the glamazons among us are having trouble getting a man to commit?

If I’m honest, I think I really zoned in on this conversation because I had recently had my own embarrassing situationship chat. It was with a guy who I had hoped to ride the tidal wave of love with, only to discover after a few romantic dates that he “really wasn’t looking for anything serious right now”.

As a woman in her (cough, cough) late 30s, this was not how I wanted the conversation to go. Despite it still being early days, and not being completely sure if he was boyfriend material, I found myself getting a little teary as he told me. He looked shocked as he asked if I was about to cry. I was mortified to realise I was.

But you see, it wasn’t specifically because he was saying he wasn’t looking for a relationship, it’s because he was the latest in a rather long line to repeat those words to me.

Talk about triggered.

Then at work the next day I received an email from Tinder informing me that it has unveiled new data that reveals women are leading the ‘situationships’ trend.

“Tinder has found that women on the app are empowering themselves by asking for ‘a casual – yet clearly defined – relationship centred around transparency and freedom,’ as the app saw both Gen Z and Millennial women posting about situationships nearly four times more than Gen Z and Millennial men in 2022,” it said.

What utter BS!

Now to be fair, most singletons know that Tinder is purely a hook-up app, so yes it would make sense that the women on it are simply stating the obvious in their profiles – but would the same be said for women looking on apps that carry a little more weight in the relationship department? Bumble and Hinge, for example?

I’m not exactly hanging my hat on that study. At our very core, I genuinely believe we women crave love and affection from someone special. As old-fashioned as this may sound, we do actually want to be someone’s ‘person’.

And sure, I can understand anyone who has just got out of a long-term relationship not wanting to rush back into another one – that makes total sense. I’ve certainly found myself in a situationship or two after a heart-shattering break-up. But to say we women are leading the situationship trend seems like a mighty big stretch.

Ask the millions of women around the world who are currently agonising over a confusing text, or dissecting a recent date with one of their friends over the phone, trying to decipher if the bloke they’re seeing is in it for the long run. We are more confused than ever, and these situationships are doing our heads in.

I decided to conduct my own poll, asking my 25,600 followers on Instagram if they would prefer to be in a relationship or situationship, and I’m happy to report a whopping 73 per cent said relationship.

So to that study, and to the men who lead us on, I say CHOOF OFF! I refuse to believe romance and relationships are dead … it may just take a little longer to find these days. Sigh.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as ‘Embarrassing’ chat no woman wants to have