Jana Hocking on how sexting gets her in the mood for the real thing

Jana Hocking has revealed one thing that gets her very “hot and heavy” and it’s something every man can do.

The other night I was getting hot and heavy between the sheets. It was around 10pm and I was really getting raunchy. There was no man in my bed though, rather … in my hand.

You see, I was tapping into that secret love language no one talks about: sexting.

I’ve got a guy that I don’t get to see often, and it can be hard to keep the spark alive.

So we keep the momentum going by getting extra creative on the texts. Whether it’s explaining exactly what we’ll be doing next time we see each other, or sending a visual aid, it really is a form of expression that doesn’t get enough credit.

The right sext can lift the mood of any glum day. It’s right up there with the perfect cup of coffee, and a smooth peak-hour free ride to work. It just gets your day off to a good start.

You send a man a text right as he is waking up and he’ll walk around with a big ol’ smile on his face for the rest of the day.

The real sweet spot is sending him one while he’s in the middle of a busy meeting at work or just going about his usual boring day.

Send him one when he least expects it, something that tells him exactly what he can look forward to when he gets home that night, and he’ll be racing down that highway to get home to you. And who doesn’t want that.

In fact, it can even be the perfect remedy for a fight. I recently had a tiff with a guy that really upset the apple cart. I was careless with his feelings and he friendship zoned me so quickly. So, for his birthday I got creative.

It was nothing too outrageous, but I sent him a slightly saucy happy birthday message. And wouldn’t you know it, we’re good as gold again.

I believe it’s because at the end of the day, we all want to feel attractive. We want to know there is someone out there who wants to have sex with us.

It’s slightly shallow, but hey, we’re all living, breathing humans. Nothing gets the heart rate up like a healthy dose of mutual lust.

But it does actually go deeper then that. Sexting allows us to openly talk to each other about our sexual desires in a low-pressure environment.

It’s not sitting across from each other, all serious-like, saying here is what I require in a sexual partnership, what do you require? Eww so transactional.

Nope, it’s doing it in a sexy way that lowers inhabitations and takes the anxiety out of a tricky topic. Because lord knows discussions on sex are never easy.

Sexting is a good excuse to talk about what you want in bed, says Jana. Picture: Instagram

Instead of saying in a serious tone to your partner, I need more foreplay to reach orgasm, you simply send them a text saying something like: “I really love it when you take your time giving me oral. It get’s me hot just thinking about it.”

Guess who is going to spend an hour ‘down south’ on you later that night!

Plus, sexting can open your horizons to trying new things in the bedroom. If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you will know that the ol’ sex life can become boring, and dare I say it, vanilla. You’re tired, you’re kinda horny so you just go through the motions. Missionary with a side of snore.

Send your partner a slightly outrageous text like “I think we should try **insert sex position here** tonight” and they’ll put in a little bit more effort. Who says sex must be boring a couple of years down the line.

Plus don’t even get me started on the boost it gives your self-esteem. Send your partner a sexy photo of your favourite body part and then lap up the praise they send you back. You’ll start thinking your Madonna circa in her 1990s era. Phwoooar.

Now, obviously, sexting comes with a word of warning. You don’t want to be sending it to any Tom, Dick or Harry. It comes with a level of trust. And for God’s sake don’t include your head or any identifying jewellery or tattoos. There is always the chance your pictures can be leaked, so you want to be able to deny they are you.

Sexting should be reserved for someone you are forming a strong connection with and can trust. Also, don’t be sending it to someone you’ve just met or don’t have a sexual relationship with. Consent, consent, consent people!

But all that aside, I can’t recommend sexting enough. Sure we know all the other expressive love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch – but how about checking in with the sixth one – sexting.

It may give your love life that cheeky kick-in-the-butt it muchly needs. You’re welcome.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking