Single in Sydney: Valentine’s Day ... It’ll be like when Mr Bean got a birthday card from himself

FROM pashing pooches to sending yourself a card, Sarah’s not sure about singles Valentine’s Day events.

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JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember.

That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every Friday.

Week 40: Valentine’s Day

I haven’t had a Valentine’s Card since The X Files was on the first time around. Well, almost. And I expect this year won’t be any different.

I remember getting one from my ex, which read “I dropped a tear in the ocean. When they find it, I’ll stop loving you.”

Well, I guess somebody must have found it, ‘cause a few years later it was all over.

I look happy about Valentine’s Day. I’m not really.

Anyway. I’m not bitter. Well, maybe a bit, but I’m working on that with relationship coach, Sarah Davis ... more about that soon.

And while on Sunday I’ll be with my gal pals watching comedy flick, Sisters, at St George’s Open Air Cinema I discovered there are plenty of events for singles happening.

It’s great to know that the organisers have remembered us lonely hearts.

But I’m afraid they all make me a little bit sad ...

Send yourself a card

I’m all for self love, but writing a card to myself makes me want to jump off the Manly Ferry.

Mailbox glaringly empty? Don’t worry, you can write a card to yourself!

While the Miss Valentine’s event in Manly otherwise sounds a great way to get a boost inside and out, with a life coach and a stylist on hand, their workshop on writing a Valentine’s Card to yourself is just a little bit too much for me to cope with.

Mainly because it totally reminds me of a Mr Bean sketch when he writes himself a birthday card. Sad face.

Details: Sunday, 14 Feb. 9am, $45, Little Love Inn, 1/33, South Steyne, Manly, visit eventbrite.com.au

Give your lonely heart to art

Give my heart to art? No, I’m keeping it.

Nobody to love? Love an artwork! The Museum of Contemporary Art at Circular Quay is holding something called #heartsforart on February 14.

You pick up a paper heart from the info desk, and put it on the floor in front of your favourite art work. Don’t forget to share it on social media.

As you silently wipe the tear rolling down your cheek.

Details: Sunday, 14 Feb. Circular Quay, 10am-5pm

Become a crazy cat lady

“Put me down!” screams Prince Harry

I love cats. As I told you last week, I’ve just got my own perfect puss, Prince Harry. And if you are alone and loveless on Sunday, head along to Australian National Cats Alliance Inc Valentine’s Cat Show in Baulkham Hills.

At least you can hide your crying face in their fur, hey? Unless you’re allergic. In which case, stay far, far away.

Details: Sunday, 14 Feb., 8am — 4pm, Baulkham Hills Sports Club

Snog-a-dog

Ceallay O'Connor with Banana, who is lovely. But not for a Valentine’s Day date.

“Don’t have a human date this Valentines Day? Well come and celebrate with our doggies at Doggie Rescue” reads the press release for this event.

It’ll actually have a ‘kissing booth’ where you can ‘smooch a pooch’ for a gold coin donation. I mean, it’s a fabulous no-kill shelter and all that, but Rover’s not exactly how I imagined my Valentine’s date to look.

Luckily, there’s also a bake stall so you can grab plenty of cake to take back home to eat in your lonely, empty apartment.

Details: Sunday, 14 Feb., 11am-4pm, Doggie Rescue, 2 McCowan Rd & Bloodwood Rd, Ingleside

Climb aboard the love boat

If only life was like on the old movie, Loveboat

I hate speed dating.

I’ve only been once, to be fair, but I expect only the Big Brother auditions would have attracted a bigger bunch of chumps.

Speed dating on a boat where there’ll be no escape?

I’d rather go live on a desert island without a toothbrush for the rest of my life.

But I’m just bitter because my recent birthday puts me in the “older” category at this event.

Details: Saturday 13 February, $100, fantasea.com.au/speed-dating-cruise/

Date a pet

If all the Valentine’s hype has made you vow it won’t be the same next year, why not try speed dating actual animals, rather than blokes who just act like them?

The Pet Foundation has teamed up with Petbarn shops across Australia for a ‘National Pet Dating Day.’

They say: “Potential pet parents can choose to go on a mini-date with rescue animals from the RSPCA and other organisations looking for forever homes.”

I say: It’ll be way more successful than human speed dating. For one, the participants will actually be cute. But remember, a pet is for life, not just for Valentine’s Day.

Details: Saturday 13 February, 11am to 3pm, petbarn.com.au/petdating