Single in Sydney: Sarah’s plan to nab a hunky bodyguard goes awry as she stalks him at a public event

SARAH lusts after a hunky bodyguard as he works to protect a very important person at a very public event — but he’s not the one who invites her to one of Sydney’s fanciest restaurants.

I wanted a bodyguard ... and I got one in the form of model and firey, Heath Goldstein from Bella Management. Picture: Braden Fastier

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JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember. That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every week.

The Bodyguard

I feel like I owe you an apology.

I mean you probably click on this column every week expecting some kind of Sex and the City-style storyline (but with ferries and fewer designer shoes).

Maybe you’re also hoping for a bit of House of Cards-esque intrigue and dastardly Game of Thrones-fashion betrayal too?

Hit Netflix drama orange is the New Black is more cheery than my love life sometimes. Picture: Netflix

And, yet, all I seem to be giving you are tales more miserable and hopeless than Orange is the New Black, or one of those subtitled Swedish dramas where everything is grey and misty and people wear really frumpy knitted jumpers.

I mean, Antiques Roadshow probably has more sex in it.

So, I’m sorry.

But it’s all true — and I’m not the only single gal going through all this, ‘cause I get plenty of messages from readers too.

And, I regret that this week’s instalment is no different.

I mean, it had all the ingredients of a Hollywood blockbuster from the nineties. You know, say something like, hmm ... The Bodyguard.

Old fave flick, The Bodyguard. Picture: Supplied

It had the glamorous heroine (minus epic singing voice), glamorous venue (well, Dee Why RSL) and the dashing hero (more about him later).

Yet it ended up being more of a Ben Stiller comedy — and a straight to DVD one at that.

Voting for Change

You see, as part of my day job as a reporter, I was working at an election event. And we had some pretty well-known politicians there.

One came with ‘personal protection’, which is the new name for bodyguards.

And one of said politician’s ‘personal protection’ men is rather hot.

I know, because every time I go out to interview said politician, he’s there.

Model Heath Goldstein and I do a Whitney and Kevin, in Manly. Picture: Braden Fastier

The Bodyguard: Epic

He was at this event too and, as part of my role was tweeting, I was able to stand fairly near him at the side of the auditorium, trying to look Really Important Yet Alluring, as I outlined what was happening for our social media audience.

(That is, apart from when the editor, who was chairing the event motioned me to get some more water for the panel of politicians on the stage. I went outside to find a bar person. I couldn’t see one, but I did see a nice jug of water on the bar, so I took that in. I then realised I was going to have to take it up there. Which was fine. Until one of the politicians saw me coming, and HELD OUT HIS CUP. I had to give him a refill in front of an audience of 300, without spilling it. Right next to a FORMER PRIME MINISTER. Luckily, I didn’t spill a drop.)

Anyway.

While I’d done my make-up in the work loo’s as usual, I looked pretty good.

In fact a bloke at the RSL when I walked in had commented about how lovely my dress was (Leona Edmiston from a random garage sale for $5 — and it still had the $149 tag on — #bargain.)

I’ll always love youuuuuuuuuuu. The Bodyguard starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner.

And I thought perhaps ‘personal protection’ would recognise me, you know.

And maybe he’d give me a smile or something?

Or perhaps there’d be a moment when I could sing that Paul Simon song to him. The one that goes “If you’ll be my bodyguard ...”

Only joking.

But he was very dedicated to his job, (and rightly so, of course).

Because he didn’t even glance in my direction.

Back off blokes, I come over all Taylor Swift as Heath does his stuff., Picture: Braden Fastier

(Although maybe that’s part of his job, you know, to make people think he hasn’t seen them, when really he’s had one of those little red dots trained on their chest all the time.)

Anyway.

An invitation!

Soon it was all over, and as people started to leave.

And he merged into the crowd after his charge.

Sigh.

Maybe I should go running after him like Whitney did on the tarmac? (sob)

But I couldn’t — because the Big Boss was there, and there were people waiting for me.

You see, I love that I have dedicated fans of this column. I like getting Tweets and Facebook messages and I even got a card in the post the other day.

What I’m not quite so sure about is that some of them seem to be from “older men”.

And by “older men” I mean blokes older than Kevin Costner (who’s 61).

And bless them for trying — but one chap who was loitering, handed me a note, suggesting I “try an older man who’ll dine you at (fancy Whale Beach restaurant) Jonah’s.”

Another told me he’d asked me out online — and he wasn’t much younger either.

Luckily, my colleague came along just at the right time with a Very Important Job for me. (cough, cough).

And, by this time, personal protection was zooming away in his black shiny armoured Range Rover (I imagine).

I mean, it wasn’t as tragic an ending as poor Whitney’s.

And I don’t need to be ‘rescued’ from single life, or anything like that.

But it would just be nice, if one of these days, I could share some good news with you. Wouldn’t it?