Single in Sydney: 11 things I learned from the ex pick-up artist-turned dating guru (and not just that he was a polyamorist)
SARAH chats with the former pick-up artist dating guru who found her online — and he delivers some interesting revelations.
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JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember.
That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every Friday.
FaceTime with the reformed pick-up artist
Last week I told you about the scary video I got from a former pick-up-artist-turned dating guru.
I mean it wasn’t quite as frightening as Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s hostage video.
But it was rather surprising nonetheless.
Basically, Melbourne man Andrew Mashiko, described how he used to be a ‘pick-up artist’- that is he patrolled bars hooking up with randoms - before realising he wanted a real relationship.
After years of research he realised he was quite good at that too — so good that he launched dating coaching company, Core Magnetism.
And he’d seem my columns online, and wanted to help me.
While some of my mates classed him as “a total weirdo” and one reader posted on my Facebook she thought I was being “played”, I wanted to see what he had to say.
So he set up a FaceTime “diagnostic” session with me to talk more about him, me, and how he could help put a “rocket up my love life”.
And this is what I learned.
1 He Gets Results
While Mr Mashiko works with mostly men, he reckons “most” women he’s coached “find themselves in an awesome relationship within six to seven weeks.” Bring it on.
2 My online dating profile is “terrible”.
Mr Mashiko asked to see what dating profiles I’d got online and I fired off screenshots of my Plenty of Fish profile, which is the only app I’m using at the moment after pretty much throwing my phone off the Manly Ferry in fury over the rest of them.
He reckons online dating is still the best way for me to go — something I was quite surprised about.
But I’m more likely to wear a onesie to Coachella than find a man with my profile, he reckons.
“Your photos are not the issue,” he said. “Your issue is how you play the game more smartly and filter it down to the right kind of people.”
I always thought blokes just looked at the photos.
But he rightly points out the type of bloke I’m looking for will read the words too.
He then sends me his OK Cupid profile, which makes mine look like I wrote it on the back on a Coles receipt while waiting for a bus.
3 I need to be more controversial than Madonna
“You’re not going to please 100% of people 100% of the time. You’re going to start being a little bit polarising,” he tells me. And he doesn’t mean sunglasses.
Mr Mashiko explains we all wear many different ‘masks’ — in our lives — one for work, one at home, one when we’re with our friends.
He works on getting rid of all the rubbish we’ve gathered to find our real selves, because we need to be authentic to attract our perfect partner. And that means sharing an awful more about myself in my profile that I am right now.
4 Not all dating apps are created equally
Sorry, eHarmony, but Mr Mashiko reckons you’re only for the desperate, because it’s not free and because it takes more time that a political preselection vote to get set up.
He said he used to hate tinder, but is coming around to it; reckons Zoosk’s “not much good” and Plenty of Fish is “terrible.” The best? OK Cupid. “You can put a really good profile on there,” he said.
5 Sydney’s sinking my chances
“Sydney has a terrible dating scene, people are obsessed with outer appearance. it’s a very different outlook in Melbourne,” he said.
But Single in Melbourne just doesn’t have the same ring to it, I’m afraid.
6 Man, I feel like a woman
Men are not only intimidated by career women like me, but they’re also put off by too much ‘masculine energy’ he said.
That doesn’t mean we have to become all Stepford Wives, but we need to allow them to fulfil their masculine role.
As for asking them out? It’s a no-go. Mr Mashiko suggests dropping hints online, such as “it would be great to chat in the real world,” once I’m sick of the endless messaging many blokes seem to enjoy, rather than my usual, “Fancy a coffee?”
However, it is okay for girls to message guys first online, he tells me.
7 Call Me Maybe
There’s a new invention, it’s called a telephone.
And we should use it before meeting, he said. It’s pretty obvious, right?
That would have saved me from a date last week where the guy spent the entire time moaning about everything from his job, to the slow walking folk in front of us.
But not from the fact he’d recently lost tons of weight but was still wearing his pre-slimming clothes. He looked like a kid who’d raided his dad’s wardrobe. Sigh.
8 It’s not cheap
Mashiko charges from $997 for his online courses, and up to $3000 for ten in-person sessions. But what price love?
9 He’s on the market
Mr Mashiko used to be a polyamorist, he told me, which means he’s “not restricted to the traditional monogamous relationship paradigm” - but is now dating again. I hope he knows I just want the one man?
10 Back off!
Mr Mashiko picked up on the old keener-than-keen’s-mustard problem I have when I meet somebody I like.
And I need to stop.
“There is a tendency to become a little too enthusiastic too quickly, which comes across as smothering he said.
“This is a pretty common phenomenon, especially for those who have been out of relationships for a while,” he said. Noted.
11 He’s Flattering
Mr Mashiko reckons I’m “very intelligent, positive, gorgeous, interesting and successful” and he’s making my hunt for love his “pet project”
“Many guys many get intimidated by the fact you’re just so much cooler than them, but so be it — find those who can handle the fact you’re awesome, and forget the rest.” he said.
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