How not to have a royal wedding

AN AVOWED republican advises Meghan Markle how to avoid a stale wedding full of old-fashioned rituals.

ROYAL WEDDING - Britain's Prince Harry and his fiancee Meghan Markle will tie the knot this weekend. Picture: Frank Augstein

DEAR Meghan,

While it might be a bit late for my advice, you don't have to have a wedding full of stale old rituals which are no longer in tune with modern times.

Not to mention spending $34 million on the event.

While the Australian Securities and Investments Commission's MoneySmart website suggests the average cost of an Australian wedding is $36,200, the Kiltman and I had around 80 guests and it cost around 15 per cent of this amount.

Sure, a smaller, casual event is not for everyone, but here's how you can have a lovely modern, affordable and non-royal wedding:

Being given away - What's with this? You are a modern, independent person in your own right. In 2015 when I married my prince, I walked myself down the aisle in the company of my dearest friend, surfing sister and best woman Laura. No-one gave me away, although my father, step-father and plenty of male relations and friends were there to celebrate

Bouquet toss to single women - Really? Ok, I did throw the bouquet but one of the blokes caught it - and it must have worked because his girlfriend later decided to make an honest man of him.

Pricey venue - Our ceremony and party was held at the local golf club and the delicious and affordable catering beautifully provided by my Country Women's Association friends.

Cake - a gift from a talented CWA galpal who's fruit cake is to die for. It was decorated with a beaded heather and tartan ribbon ornament used by my great-great-great grandmother on her cake.

Celebrant - Another CWA galpal and no, the word obey was never used, although there was plenty about love, honour and laughter..

Music - The local rock and roll band comprising talented baby-boomers played brilliantly and cost less than the bar bill. They were spelled by our DJ, an 80-year-old host of a cult community radio show who spun the vinyl as well as any R&B pro.

Frock - An off the peg cream cocktail dress from the local department store, ditto the shoes with a fake-fur stole borrowed from a fashionista gal-pal.

Photos - A photographer mate from my newspaper did some photos in exchange for a bottle of good single malt and friends also send us images from their phones - we have a brilliant record of the event.

But however you roll with Harry, like all couples taking the plunge, I wish you the very best.