Let’s admit it, Book Week isn’t about reading – it’s about showing off | Amanda Blair

I know I’ll take some hits by publishing this column, it’s sure to offend but it has to be said, writes Amanda Blair.

For many of you the pain is still raw and if I’m opening up wounds you were desperate to Band-Aid, I apologise.

But I feel that we need to revisit the tragedy in order to move on, to find a better way, to heal the sins of the past, to recognise where we went wrong and to ensure we never ever do it again.

Book Week. I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest for many moons, but for personal safety reasons I had to wait till I was out of the arena before I could comment.

The Book Week parade is a hotbed of emotions – tears, triumph, tantrums, trauma, parents feel them all.

Because this is our moment, our Olympic Games, our race.

This parade is our opportunity to show all the others what we’re made of, what we’re capable of if given a glue gun, some fabric and pair of scissors.

Let’s be honest about who the Book Week Parade is really for. Picture: iStock

Oh of course we all say “oh our kids love the Book Week parade” but the reality is our kids don’t give a stuff.

It’s not about them, it’s about US and our deep primal need to show off, to prove that despite our oft busy nervous breakdown inducing schedules, we can get it together and get the kids out the door looking better than all the others.

I’m always gob smacked by the effort many put in, there’s no denying some parents crafted all night, spending large on glitter pens and tissue paper.

Their progeny walking to school or catching access cabs the morning of the parade, their costumes too large to fit into standard transportation. When questioned, these are the parents who smile through their bone crushing fatigue to offer a “oh it was nothing, the kids and I just threw it together this morning”.

Yep.

Please can we drop “Oh my year 4 child wanted to be Leopold Bloom in Ulysses, it’s his favourite book character”. The kids don’t choose the characters/outfits, the parents do and that’s why today I’m addressing you because some BW abuses have to stop.

Marvel’s Avengers are a hard no for Book Week costumes, Picture: Supplied by Square Enix

Most annoyingly, Spider-Man, Star Wars, Minions and any character from a Dreamworks production is not a book.

The whole point of this parade peeps is to showcase the joy of reading actual books written by actual writers so dressing little Tommy up as a rock star, video game character, Barbie or the figurehead of a large takeaway food conglomerate that specialises in fried chicken is not being true to the brief FFS.

Sure, it seemed like a hilarious idea to dress your kid up as an emoji, but did you really think through what it would be like for them to parade around dressed like a giant poo?

Will there be repercussions in their later life requiring therapy? Did your kid have any playmates that day?

All relevant questions that need to be prosecuted before you start on the paper mache construction.

Whilst I have your book week attention, can we also think beyond Harry Potter. I know it’s an easy get – black jacket, scarf, stick for a wand, black glasses drawn on with eyeliner, but it was published in 1998, it’s time to move on. I’ve had it up to my Hermione…..

Let’s pause and take a moment to feel for the librarians of the world who are out there struggling to get kids reading actual books.

How must they feel on parade morning when in walks the Ninja Turtles?

I suspect they’ve had it up to their dewey decimal but due to the boundaries of political correctness and the lovely forgiving and kindly nature of most librarians, they don’t say anything.

They stand silently, smiling like Stepford Wives whilst Carl from Up, The Addams Family and Elsa from Frozen skips around in front of them, a book nowhere to be seen because there isn’t one. School are all about rules such as no hat no play so how about we introduce no book no parade?

I know I’ll take some hits by publishing this column, it’s sure to offend.

But if this column manages to take one Mario Kart out of a book week parade next year, it will be worth it. I’ve done my job.

Originally published as Let’s admit it, Book Week isn’t about reading – it’s about showing off | Amanda Blair