Gen Z daters are embracing 'cringe mode', but what is it?

The dating renaissance we’ve been waiting for

Have we been blindly following the ‘play it cool’ approach to dating for far too long? Here’s why switching things up could lead to deeper and lasting connections. 

For decades, the formula for success when it comes to modern dating has been guided by one universally agreed-upon approach: Play it cool, and keep ‘em guessing. 

Though it may seem counterintuitive, this has always been the advice given to anyone seeking connection and romance. Don’t seem too excited, too keen or too available. Someone should want you more than you want them, and the moment that power imbalance shifts, they instantly become far more attractive. 

But now, according to new data from Hinge’s latest 2024 DATE (Data, Advice, Trends, and Expertise) report, decades of ‘playing it cool’ have almost frozen the dating landscape entirely, leaving emerging Gen Z daters struggling to navigate its terrain.

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While each subsequent generation is defined by their collective attitudes, styles and pop culture influences, Gen Z has particularly embraced non-conformity. But, when it comes to love, those born in the mid to late nineties are more confused than ever, according to the report. 

And it’s not entirely their fault. Maturing during the pinnacle of social media’s grip on society, the first major obstacle Gen Z faced upon entering adulthood was enduring two years (minimum) of lockdowns, social restrictions and pandemic-induced isolation.  

According to Moe Ari Brown, licensed therapist and Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, to make up for lost time and opportunity, Gen Z needs to pivot far away from the long-accepted nonchalant approach to finding love. That’s right, it’s time to captivate ‘cringe mode’.

Don’t shut yourself off from opportunities to connect on a deeper level. Image: Pexels

What is ‘cringe mode’ and how can it help?

As Brown explains, ‘cringe mode’ requires daters to be bold and open about their interest in another, placing our usually hidden vulnerabilities and risk of rejection front and centre. 

“We’re conditioned to lean out and close off due to the feeling, which is why over half (56 per cent) of Gen Z Hinge daters say that worrying about rejection has stopped them from pursuing a potential relationship,” Brown says. “I invite daters to not only embrace cringe but also notice if there are other feelings present, like excitement, that we don’t want to shut out by closing off.”

Ultimately, embracing ‘cringe mode’ is about embracing the potential for awkward or embarrassing moments, jumping wholeheartedly into every new romantic opportunity without fear of rejection.

Gen Z daters need to stop hiding behind memes and jokes and start sharing genuine feelings. Image: Pexels

If Brown’s justification for embracing the cringe-worthy aspect of dating isn’t enough to convince you to swap the memes and jokes for a deeper level of connection, the data speaks for itself. 

“Hinge’s research found that when someone put in their profile that they’re looking for a relationship, people also looking for a relationship were 17 per cent more likely to send them a message than if they had been more vague in their profile,” Brown says. 

“And, perhaps best of all, someone who wasn’t looking for a relationship was 10 per cent less likely to message that person. This means that putting yourself out there– starting with your profile– helps you turn the right people on and the wrong people off.”

Rejection is a normal part of dating and can sometimes be beneficial. Image: Pexels

How to master cringe mode– and rejection

Brown says there are a few tricks to embracing the awkwardness of getting to know a new potential partner, each of which will not only help you decipher a person’s intentions and interest in you but also, with time, will help alleviate the sting of rejection (an inevitability of modern dating.) Here are their top tips:

#1. Initiate the convo: “Three out of four Hinge daters say that initiating a conversation is a clear sign that someone is interested.”

#2. Respond quickly: “Daters have a 44 per cent higher chance of receiving responses when they answer messages within 24 hours.”

#3. Follow up: “Only 13 per cent of Hinge daters say double-texting gives them ‘the ick’.”

While embracing cringe mode is all about being upfront with your feelings and intentions, Brown says it’s equally important to listen and pay attention to how the other person is reciprocating your effort, “This also means being aware of others voicing concerns or showing signs that they don’t feel the same,” Brown says. 

“By remaining transparent, open, and compassionate you ensure you’re doing your part in cultivating an emotionally brave space for you both to explore the relationship.”

And if you do encounter rejection while embracing the cringe? While it never feels pleasant at the time, Brown says each encounter with rejection only helps build resilience, a necessary skill to have in the modern dating world.

“When we go through experiences of rejection, we often focus on what possibilities we lost by ending the connection. Instead, I encourage you to focus on what insight you gained about your desired relationships,” they say. “Is there something about your compatibility that needs a look over? Often, we can take these moments of redirection to fine-tune our desires and bring us closer to the kinds of relationships and people that are more compatible.”

Originally published as Gen Z daters are embracing 'cringe mode', but what is it?