Why some people are swapping dating apps for Duolingo

And experts say you should too

According to those fed up with dating apps, it’s time to press pause on the right-swipes and hop on over to Duolingo, in the pursuit of a bilingual better half. 

Out of all my single friends, not one has entered into a relationship this year as the result of a dating app. None of any substantial length anyway. 

These are…not great stats. In our mid-to-late 20s, living in the inner city, and all with full-time employment,my friends and I are prime candidates for dating apps: ready, willing and able. 

Yet 11 months into the year, pretty much all of us are in the same place we started in romantically as we were at the start of 2023 – fed up, put out, and at what some might call a standstill. 

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In many ways, 2023 was the death of the dating app. In terms of anecdotal evidence, it’s a small sample size, but these same sentiments are echoing through TikTok, Facebook groups, and Instagram DMs.

Any lingering magic that clung to the right swipe has dulled, and in place is a culture of fatigue and failure. 

This isn’t to denigrate dating apps as a whole – quite the opposite, actually – but rather the culture around them. 

During the pandemic, dating apps experienced a monumental spike in usage, with people clamouring for whatever morsels of romantic connection they could manage. 

But fast forward through two years of ‘normal life’ and the joie de vivre for the digital meet cute has dwindled, leaving a group of people who are single, technically ready to mingle, but not sure how to go about it in a way that will actually pay dividends. 

Duolingo could be your new go-to dating app. Image: Unsplash

It shouldn't be a surprise then that people are taking matters into their own hands, using the same techniques they learnt on dating apps in different arenas, in a bid for a fruitful yield.

The first example of this cross-platform date fielding was Strava, a fitness tracking app that sees users post the details of their run, including the route, stats, and a cute post- or mid-run selfie to boot. 

With just that information, it actually sounds like a recipe for love – and users have made the most of it. Sending ‘Kudos’ for someone’s jog is akin to sending a like to a swipe, and consequently, people have connected on-app and IRL as a result of their running repartee . 

Yelp, the restaurant reviewer app, is much the same, with users bonding over their love of a venue, and ultimately ending up there together XXXXX. 

Now, a new non-dating app has emerged as an unlikely source of love found online: Duolingo. 

Duolingo is a free, educational app that people use to learn more than 30 languages. From French and Finnish, to Hindi and Hungarian, over 9 million people worldwide turn to Duo in pursuit of fluency, via learning modules, quizzes and challenges. 

Unlike Strava, which unites users through a shared interest and also sheer physical attraction, Duolingo is largely faceless, bar a small, optional profile picture. That, and a first name aside, the ‘friends’ you make on Duolingo are confined to pre-chosen messages before partner activities, and high fives to congratulate people on their achievements. 

Moving away from dating app situations means people can bond over hobbies without the pressure. Image: Unsplash

Obviously this leads us to be sceptical about the usability of finding a date on an app that doesn’t let you talk to people. The answer, it turns out, is Facebook – a surprising turn for a generation that has been shunning the app in favour of faster, video-focused apps for years. 

While users can speak on the app itself, you can link your Facebook or Google account to Duo. Once users clocked this, they started using it as an opportunity to speak to people in the ‘real world’ outside of the Duolingo Utopia, with some even forming real-life romances and getting married. 

As Duolingo wrote in a blog post, Amanda from the Philippines met Rob from the US on the app in 2021, when she noticed he kept congratulating her on her Duo streak. Amanda then tracked him down on Facebook and they struck up a conversation. Fast forward a couple of years, and the pair are happily married. 

So why are couples seeing romantic success on apps not at all designed for dating? Particularly one that has quite a high chance of two people not speaking the same language, nor that gives away any personal details at all. 

According to dating coach Sera Bozza, from Sideswiped by Sera Bozza, its success stems from the opportunity to bond with someone about a shared interest, without the pressure of it being a Dating Opportunity. 

“A hobbies-first approach to dating is a definite win-win,’ she says. “Firstly, you’re immersing yourself in something you love and gaining new skills, but you’re putting yourself in a space where other people echo your passions and enthusiasm. It’s a less-pressure, more pleasurable way for any relationship to develop naturally.” 

Amanda and Rob met each other through Duolingo and got married in January 2023. Image: Duolingo

While the conversations themselves won’t happen on the app, using Facebook, or email god forbid, in tandem with Duo, means your conversations will still centre around the shared activity. 

The games and quizzes are a great ice breaker too, “which can make your chats and interactions way more fun and less formal than traditional Q&A style dates,” she says. Conversations on the accompanying chat can naturally mimic the content of the activities, which “reduces anxiety and encourages way more spontaneous and enjoyable atmospheres for getting to know each other.”

This style of ‘dating’ or at least connecting with someone, isn’t as intense as a regular dating environment, but, as Bozza reminds me, “Repeated casual exchanges often seed deeper connections – and regular lessons or practice sessions are a golden opportunity for it! The guise of practising is a subtle, smart and seamless way to slide into someone's DMs.” 

There’s also something about language, and the inherent fumbling of learning a new one, that breaks down any barriers or aloofness that can linger when you first meet someone. 

“You're raw, you're real, and guess what? You’re probably incredibly endearing doing it,” Bozza says. “You can see each other’s genuine, unpolished sides. Watching someone embrace their mistakes, laugh it off, and keep going – isn't that what we want? It's less about perfection and more about connection.” 

You also get the chance to see how someone handles adversity. “Are they patient? Do they persevere? It's not just about language skills; it's a window into their approach to life and, potentially, to relationships. Learning anything together as adults is like a relationship accelerant,” says Bozza.

Learning anything together as adults is like a relationship accelerant. Image: Unsplash

Other dating apps have tried to emulate what makes Duolingo so good for its unintended purpose. Tinder, for example, has interest badges which signify a certain like or dislike, meant to spark mutual connection and provide talking points. And Bumble offers games to play with matches, to help ease into conversation. 

But although the intent is there, it’s the sheer lack of ‘strategy’ of Duolingo that makes it work in this context. And any pressure people may feel going into romantic situations, just doesn’t exist.

Where dating apps used to hold hope, for many people they’re now epicentres of disappointment. Memories of dates that didn’t go ahead, relationships that didn’t stick. 

Duolingo is so separate from the world of dating apps, and maybe that’s what dating hopefuls have been looking for. The chance to enjoy a shared interest with someone, and a no-pressure environment to get to know them. 

Originally published as Why some people are swapping dating apps for Duolingo