Can Wuhan Dan, Man
Former Collingwood champion Dane Swan can still read the play. His analysis of Lockdan Andrews is the finest recent export from Hellbourne, Sictoria.
Former Collingwood champion Dane Swan can still read the play. His analysis of Lockdan Andrews is the finest recent export from Hellbourne, Sictoria:
If Australia was a sport well then Victoria hasn’t won a game, on the bottom of the ladder with all players requesting a trade and @DanielAndrewsMP has the full support of the board today and will be sacked tomorrow morning. 🤞ðŸ»ðŸ¤žðŸ»
— Dane Swan (@swandane) August 2, 2020
Andrews worshippers weren’t happy, of course. Dane had a few words for them, too.
Premier Dan spent Monday doing what Labor leaders traditionally do best – shutting down private businesses.
The extent of Victorian business closures may be gauged by the fact they include photographic film processing companies, so that’s at least three vintage Hasselblad enthusiasts now with nothing to do.
Nobody is beyond Dan’s reach. Any wildcat coopers out there thinking they might knock together a barrel or two on the sly, be warned.
Dan’s 8pm-5am curfew is a first for Victoria, and even extends to food deliveries. Unless your order arrives by 8pm, you ain’t eatin’, my friend.
That hour, by the way, is far too early for civilised dining. People are not common farm stock.
Melbourne's five kilometre restriction doesn’t sound like much fun. A quick check of my old childhood address reveals I wouldn’t be able to reach Werribee South or to at least two of the houses where I’d mow lawns on weekends.
Not that I’d allowed to work anyway. Sorry, Mrs Smith.
Let’s hear from Dan, who today announced a Ford Shotgun of new coronavirus cases.
“We have to make this work. Because we’re, at best, uncertain what the next steps would be. We’ve got to focus on this.”
Focus on uncertainty. It’s the Andrews way.
(Much thanks to a Victorian friend’s talented 12-year-old son for this item’s headline.)
UPDATE. Victoria announces a Summernats Torana of new coronavirus cases, and an additional penalty:
Victorians who do not self-isolate when instructed will be fined $4957 under a new crackdown to stop breaches of restrictions.
It comes as the state recorded 439 new cases of coronavirus overnight and 11 more lives were lost.
All of the deaths were linked to aged care outbreaks, with ages ranging from above 70. There are 1186 active cases in aged care.
The new offence will be created for breaching the direction of the Chief Health Officer and targeted at those who are testing positive and are not at home when authorities door knock their property.
It’s the $4957 Brett Sutton adoration fee.