Meet the Zombie Chew Toys, just here to give Walkers biting practise

Meet the Zombie Chew Toys, the characters who only exist on The Walking Dead so the Walkers have something to bite.

WE meet many characters in The Walking Dead. Some we love, some we hate and some we know are just there to die.

Let’s face it, not everybody is going to get a recurring role. Some are just there to prove a point.

I like to think of these as Zombie Chew Toys. Like the pet toy, their only purpose is to be bitten. And, let’s face it, you can usually spot them pretty quickly.

Like the unnamed crew members in the original Star Trek, who only went down to the planet so someone could die and give the episode some gravitas, you can see that some characters only exist to die painfully, getting bitten.

So let’s go through some of the more obvious ones.

Patrica just knew she was doomed on The Walking Dead

PATRICIA

She was good, kind and helpful, a popular member of Hershel’s farm. Of course she had to die! Her character had about as much depth to it as a Walker head smashed flat by Daryl in a car boot. We all knew the zombies would break into the farm at some stage. She might as well have had a target painted on her in fresh blood.

BETH’S BOYFRIEND JIMMY

Again, he had to die. When you don’t get lines or character development, you know something bad has to happen to you. Although he should have died out of stupidity. Who drives an RV into a horde of Walkers and forgets to lock the door? He was so obviously a Zombie Chew Toy, I’m surprised he didn’t squeak when someone squeezed him.

GARGULIO

Merle Dixon beat the Walkers to it to kill Gargulio.

He had one of the more interesting names thrown up by the series and, for that reason alone, I initially thought he might last. After all, why go to all the effort of coming up with a weird name only to kill the kid off. But then it became obvious. Caught between Merle and Michonne, you are doomed, although the Walkers didn’t get him, Merle did.

Theodore (T-Dog). He looked promising then slipped into the chew toy ranks.

THEODORE T-DOG

He hadn’t done anything interesting since the first series, when he lost the keys to free Merle on the roof of the Atlanta department store. Oh wait, he got some sort of infected arm in series two. Really, when your main purpose is to give Dale someone to preach to, your time is numbered. He did well to last to series three but by then, he had the glassy-eyed look of a Zombie Chew Toy. At least he went out well, saving Carol. Although Sam Anderson may not have agreed with that statement.

Oh Zach, you shouldn’t have gone for the jeans. Everyone knows they can’t stop a Walker’s teeth.

ZACH

Another one of Beth’s boyfriends. As soon as you saw them together, looking so cute, you knew he had to die. Initially it seemed like Bob was the zombie fodder in that episode but Zack copped it instead. Although, honestly, why these people don’t wear calf guards and forearm padding. That seems to be the favourite spot to be bitten on and they should have really worked it out by now.

JODY

Jody should have surrendered to Hershel instead.

This was the kid in the prison who was wearing a beanie and toting a shotgun. We’d never seen him before and then The Governor has him leading the attack. He was so obviously there to die but they did surprise me. I thought he’d be killed by a Walker but he was shot by Carl instead.

GIRL WITH BAD LEG AND SILLY TATTOO FOUND BY RICK AND CAROL

Come on. She and her boyfriend spent a day hiding in the bathroom away from an old lady Walker. She couldn’t run and had a ridiculous identifying tattoo. It might as well have read “Bite Me!”. So she got eaten and her gutless boyfriend lived, only to get his throat slit at Terminus. Well, at least Rick got his watch back after that.

TARA’S GIRLFRIEND ALICIA

If Mika and Lizzie blew out your brains, you’d probably like Carol a lot more now.

You have to feel for Tara. Everyone she falls in love with dies. But you knew the first one was doomed, right from the moment she promised to protect Tara. At least she didn’t get eaten but shot to pieces by Lizzie and Mika.

MIKA

Mika Samuels.

Good and sweet and kind. And stabbed to death by her sister who wanted to turn her into a pet Walker. Now that is messed up but, really, we could see it coming. There was no way she was going to make it to Terminus, or any further. She was always going to be terminated.

Meghan Chambler was doomed. As soon as The Governor started calling her Pumpkin, you knew she was going to get mashed.

THE GOVERNOR’S NEW DAUGHTER MEGHAN

Look, I didn’t want to see her die. The redemption of The Governor was a beautiful thing and had the makings of a finest Shakespearean tragedy. But we knew she was doomed. From the moment he promised to protect her and decided the best way to do that was start a war with Rick, she was zombie fodder. But come on, who lets their kid play by themselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?

SAM ANDERSON

Walkers discovered that Sam tasted delicious. It must have been all the cookies Carol fed him.

From the moment Carol threatened him she would take him off into the woods, tie him up and let the Walkers eat him, we knew he was a Dead Kid Walking. And they didn’t disappoint, chowing down on him when the Herd invaded Alexandria. You don’t cross Carol. Well, not twice anyway.

Aiden Monroe got impaled and munched.

AIDEN

Deanna and Reg’s son was a prize dickhead and had no idea how to deal with Walkers. As he admitted, he got friends killed because he was so bad. He was also the apple of Deanna’s eye, so obviously he had to go. Still, blown up and impaled like an Aiden kebab for the Walkers to enjoy was a little harsh. But only a little.

Catch The Walking Dead Mondays on Foxtel’s FX Channel at 1.30pm and 8.30pm.