Shock theory: Cersei’s (tw)incest may have poisoned off Jaime

Game Of Thrones episode three, The Queen’s Justice sees Cersei showing she’s not going down without one helluva fight but also the beginning of the long-awaited alliance between Daenerys and Jon Snow. And some big character deaths. Spoilers ahead!

THE Game Of Thrones might be playing but Cersei is the one who’s winning in episode three, The Queen’s Justice.

Mainly because not only has she disregarded the rules but she’s also willing to throw all the toys out of the box as well.

But events are beginning to speed up and we can expect things to really start colliding in the next episode.

Luckily there was plenty of enjoy in this one, including several major deaths.

Get ready for some serious spoilers as we look back through the third episode of this season.

Ser Davos and Jon Snow kept the prophetic lines coming.

We kick off in Dragonstone, with Jon Snow and Ser Davos arriving to have some fun with Tyrion.

This episode sees Tyrion back to his absolute best. We haven’t seen him firing off this many zingers since he left Westeros the first time.

And the prophetic lines keep coming. When reminded that Stark men don’t fare well when they come south, Jon replies: “I’m not a Stark”. How very true! Watching Jon and Dany fence gently with each other was all the more fun because we know that they are aunt and nephew and he’s actually the true Targaryen heir.

“I’m the last Targaryen,” Dany told him later, in the throne room. The dramatic irony was so thick, you’d need dragon’s fire to get through it.

Even Melisandre was getting in on the act, telling Varys that she was off but would be back to die — and so would he. Just the sort of words you want to get from a crazy old witch. She just needed a mad cackle to finish it off.

‘I have brought Ice and Fire together,” Melisandre told Varys.

That gives us a HUUUUGE hint that the Prince/Princess That Was Promised is actually both Jon and Dany.

If we were still unsure about the future implications, then Dany has another powerful line: “Together we will save this country”.

So, having ticked off all the necessary dialogue bits, we got to the meat of the meeting, which was Dany wanting Jon to bend the knee and Jon wanting Dany to fly her dragons up north to roast the Night King’s arse.

I’m not your Queen, I’m your aunt. well I’m not a Stark, I’m a rightful Targaryen. If only...

Neither went very well. Really, what did Jon expect? That she’d believe his White Walker tale immediately, abandon fighting with Cersei and head up north? For a supposedly intelligent man, he needed to actually have a plan to convince her. Or at least some evidence.

So while we waited for the dramatic irony to subside and be replaced with unresolved sexual tension, it’s time to head elsewhere.

First we see Theon getting fished out by one of his sister’s ships, captained by Aussie Brendan Cowell, who basically said in slightly more Westerosi terms: ‘Mate, you really buggered that up, didn’t you?”

Then we found Euron enjoying a victory parade through King’s landing, where he delivered Yara, Ellaria and Tyene to Cersei’s tender mercy.

Cersei seemed quite taken by Euron’s leather pants, enough so she promised him to let her shag her “once the war is won”. That sounded like a very vague promise but Euron believed it enough to even ask Jaime for sex advice on the best way to hump Cersei. Classy, very classy.

Cersei was more interested in coming up with a great way to make Ellaria suffer. She finally decided to copy the way Ellaria killed Myrcella Lannister. A kiss on the lips for Tyene and then make Ellaria watch her daughter die horribly.

It was meant to be very heart-rending but all anyone could think of was: ‘Yes, the last annoying Sand Snake is dead!”

Ellaria, meanwhile, gets to watch her daughter rot. So she’ll be ready for some vengeance later, methinks. Yara, meanwhile, seems to have vanished. Presumably so Theon can still redeem himself by saving her.

Cersei celebrates by shagging Jaime, which is entirely understandable. I mean, who doesn’t fancy a bit of Twincest after murdering a young girl with poison and tormenting her mother?!? Still, I was wincing a bit for Jaime and hoping she had properly cleaned the deadly poison off her lips when we saw where she intended to put them. Or has she unwittingly poisoned Jaime? Will he need a golden appendage to go with his golden hand because it’s going to rot off now?

Then she decides to prove to the Iron Bank of Braavos banker that she’s a better bet than Daenerys. If only dealing with some of the Aussie banks was as easy.

Once again, Bran has that effect on people, even his sister Sansa.

After that shudder-inducing sequence, it’s time for some good news, with a Stark Reunion Part I. Bran and Sansa get a nice hug, although Bran doesn’t look all that happy. Presumably because he needs to talk to Jon, where he’ll reveal that whole secret Targaryen thing and completely bugger up Jon being King in the North. Meanwhile, Littlefinger is still plotting and Sansa is showing she knows what to do to rule. That’s going to come in handy when Bran stuffs things up with Jon.

As for Jon, he and Dany come to sort of a deal where he gets to mine dragon glass. We know they’re going to get together at some point. They’re just too damn perfect.

But while she wants to fly off and roast her some Greyjoy, Tyrion talks her out of it. Too dangerous, he says. Too expensive, this early in the season, also. They need to save that special effects budget for when they really want to flaunt it.

For once, we get to see Sam not cleaning up poo or pulling off pus-filled skin. He’s healed Ser Jorah, who’s going to head back to Daenerys and try and be useful while gazing adoringly at her.

Sam, meanwhile, gets “rewarded” by being made to copy out all these old scrolls and books. Hopefully Archmaester Ebrose has included copies of The Dummy’s Guide To Killing White Walkers and How To Forge Lightbringer (The Sword That Will Kill The Night King) In Three Easy Lessons.

The Lannister garrison got chopped up at Casterly Rock. But even that was a plan.

Then we see Grey Worm taking Casterly Rock, although Euron’s fleet then crushes the other half of Yara’s Greyjoy fleet. Meanwhile, the bulk of the Lannister army, including Randall Tarly and Bronn, has ridden off to sack Highgarden and kill off Olenna Tyrell.

Nice work by Jaime and proof that Cersei is in control of the game right now. Olenna was right, Dany needs to stop being so clever and just blow some stuff up with her dragons.

There’s just time for Olenna to lay the groundwork on Jaime eventually killing Cersei.

“She’ll be the end of you,” Olenna said. “She’s a disease. I regret my role in spreading it and so will you.”

Then there’s just time for her to admit to killing Joffre before she carks it. “Tell Cersei, I want her to know it was me.”

Jaime arrives at Highgarden to finish off Olenna.

We’re going to miss Olenna’s one-liners. But will she have her final revenge by driving Cersei mad with fury?

So far it has been triumph after triumph for Cersei but maybe Dany is going to take Olenna’s advice and start acting like a dragon. It’s time to change the rules once more, it seems.