Brooke Falvey on the weirdest made-up baby names

OPINION: Just throwing a bunch of random letters together to name your child will not make them feel special or unique.

This may be controversial, but I’m going to say it anyway because it’s something I feel very passionate about.

Please, please stop giving your children weird, made-up names. Or, even worse, a good name spelt in a bad way.

Throwing a bunch of random letters together will not make your child special or unique, although I’m sure it will be character building.

Just ask baby Khai-Leigh (Kylie).

Ever since Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their daughter Apple back in 2004, there’s been a spike in unusual baby names.

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Jay-Z and Beyonce have Blue Ivy; Cardi B has Kulture Kiari; and how could anyone forget the Kardashians — North, Saint, Chicago, Psalm, Reign, Dream and Stormi.

Clearly Scott Disick, the former partner of Kourtney Kardashian, was in charge of naming Mason and Penelope.

Psalm, Kim Kardashian's baby boy, in the first photo posted by his mother.

Although Uma Thurman takes the cake after naming her daughter Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence. Not surprisingly, she goes by Luna.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I was in trouble, my mum would yell my first and middle names. Brooke Michelle. It was a two-word warning signal.

Uma clearly didn’t give enough thought to how long it would take to call out all those names when her daughter was up to no good.

Speaking from experience, I’d say those extra three names will buy Luna just enough time to run away.

Apple Martin, the daughter of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow with Blue Ivy Carter, the daughter of Beyonce and Jay-Z. Picture: Instagram

Once a privilege of celebrity, now every third person is giving their kids a wacky name.

To hell with the fact their offspring will spend the rest of their life spelling it for people.

While Australia has some strange names floating around, some of my favourites belong to babies in the UK.

Consider, if you will, Sayton (pronounced Satan) and LeSanya (pronounced lasagne). What are the chances they toasted her birth with some garlic bread and a nice house chianti? Taking things to the other extreme, in Iceland, parents have to stick to a limited list of names and, if they want to deviate from that list, they have to apply to the Icelandic Naming Committee.

Another condition for approval is that the name shouldn’t embarrass the child, and this is where I think Australia needs to follow suit.

In fact, I’ll even put my hand up to be the first Minister for Names.

I’m sure babies Bon-Quisha, Aquamarine-Melody, Luv, Nivea, Ginkgo, and Chlamydia (her mum thought the word ‘looked pretty’) will support my proposal.