Life is supposed to be a beach but whoever is meant to have said that never encountered an Australian beach in high summer, with its scalding hot sand and sun that keeps foolhardy beach goers – that’s you and me – cringing in the thin shelter of a beach umbrella.

That’s the same beach umbrella that we had to spent a lot of time anchoring in the sand by one means or another, and still have to hold onto to ensure that it isn’t blown away in a hot wind. Have you got your shirt, hat and sunglasses? Have you covered everything else with sunblock? If not you’ll pay for your visit to the furnace-hot, sandy hell with days of pain.