James Weir recaps the potential three-part docuseries about Roxy Jacenko’s poo jogger
Nothing captures Australia’s attention like a poo jogger. And while Roxy Jacenko usually knows how to milk an opportunity, she missed out.
Reality
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It’s that special time of year where the days stay lighter for that little bit longer, the sweet smell of jasmine’s in the air and colleagues smugly discuss the frequency of their Barry’s Bootcamp sessions.
We don’t want to waste our nights at home watching tedious, drawn-out rubbish on TV — we want to take advantage of the gloriously long arvos by knocking off work and heading to the gym (beer garden) before cooling off at the beach (Westfield Bondi Junction).
Quality over quantity is what we’re looking for on the box. Is The Block ever going to finish? Geez, it feels like we’ve been hanging out in a Freedom Furniture every night for four months. Too much.
Same with MKR and MasterChef. If I want to watch a stranger saute an onion I’ll go down to Woolworths and watch the free sample lady.
We want low commitment and high impact in our TV programming.
After spending some time swirling around the drain hole, Channel 10 heard us loud and clear and finally delivered with The Masked Singer. Just four jam-packed weeks of fun plus the added enjoyment of watching Lindsay Lohan pretending she knows what a Paulini is. Sensational. More than a million of us are tuning in to watch Hughesy dad dance in a weird suit and we couldn’t be more thrilled to be there.
Trial By Kyle will kick off this Thursday and whiz through six weeks. Easy breezy — can’t wait. We like this no-nonsense approach. Get in and get out — leave us wanting more.
TV execs need to keep this up and give us quick bursts of what we’re really interested in. Like the Roxy Jacenko poo jogger. Nothing captures the attention of this country like a poo jogger, and this week’s latest case was just star-studded.
I don’t know what’s going on down at Roxy’s place — when people aren’t spray painting the C-word on her roller door, they’re taking a dump in her driveway. At some point she really does have to ask, am I the problem?
But existential pondering aside, Roxy’s national investigation into the incident would’ve made a terrific three-part docuseries for Channel 10. Give the people what they want.
While Roxy did some solid groundwork with the inquisition, she hit a wall by midweek and should’ve recruited ABC investigative journalist Caro Meldrum-Hanna. I’ve got such a crush on her. Did you see her 7.30 investigation this week on those slaughtered racehorses? Chilling.
Honestly, Caro is wasted over there at the ABC. They really don’t appreciate her flair for theatrics — the tense loudspeaker phone calls with key suspects and the dramatic in-car monologues. Remember the giant pinboard littered with evidence from her Keli Lane doco?
My point is, Caro would’ve kicked the Roxy poo jogger docuseries to the next level. It would’ve been appointment viewing. A television event!
Then she could’ve investigated a Sunday night special on the Mercedes Mum — the glam Instagram influencer who was jailed this week after leading police on a high speed chase with her unrestrained child rolling around in the back of her Benz.
It has all the elements we’re looking for — true crime, an influencer, and bad parenting. Glamorous and relatable! Caro would’ve applied a blowtorch to her interrogation of the unrestrained child and possibly made it cry, all while recreating the high-speed chase in her own Subaru. That’s the promo right there.
When Channel 7 brings back Big Brother next year, we don’t want what we’ve already seen — and we certainly don’t want to spend five months of our year laying around in a rundown share house. Let’s take a “choose your own adventure” approach where we tweet in exactly what we want these clowns to do and whatever we say has to be done. Put the control back in the hands of the people where it belongs.
Until then, we’ll continue hanging out at Freedom Furniture with Scotty Cam and Shaynna Blaze four nights a week because we’ve invested too much of our time just to back out now.
GYM BROS ARE OUT. ALTERNA-DUDES ARE IN.
Something funny’s happening at Network Ten in the wardrobe department.
Osher and Hughesy are whirling around in shiny patterned suits on The Masked Singer like pimps at a prom and the guys over on The Bachelorette are getting bold as well. Lots of coloured plaid and prints and even statement glasses.
A lot of the boys are all long haired and alternative and scrawny instead of the usual gym bros producers often cast on the show. One guy this week jazzed up his leopard print suit with a silk leopard print scarf because one without the other just would’ve looked stupid.
Another one decided to go sleek and understated by styling his hair into braided pigtails.
We’re totally here for it.
Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir
Originally published as James Weir recaps the potential three-part docuseries about Roxy Jacenko’s poo jogger