What the South Australian state government department you work for says about you
It takes dedication to keep our state running (sometimes). But let’s face it, the workers keeping the wheels turning have few trademark traits. See the list.
For those who work full-time, work takes up much of our time — five days a week and for some up to 12 hours a day — and it can really shape who we are.
Many committed employees can work hours of overtime as well, but that isn’t relevant to this article because we’re talking about government employees.
If you work for a government department you clock in on the dot and leave precisely on time, as well as take every minute of your break — unless you work in healthcare, then good luck leaving on time or getting a chance to eat or drink.
While clocking in and clocking out on time and a keen knowledge of employee rights is universal among all government department staff, there is much that makes each department’s cohort different.
With this in mind, and with our tongue firmly planted in our cheek, we have compiled this lighthearted list* of what your department says about you.
Attorney-General’s Department
If you work in the Attorney-General’s department and happen to have attended law school, you were a high achiever who when push came to shove, couldn’t be bothered to try hard enough to get into a private law practice.
You can never relate to your law school friends who are constantly staying back at their private practice until midnight, because you leave at 5pm on the dot and can always take a lunch break, and coffee breaks and never need to start early. Oh but you don’t get flexi, like other government employees.
You know someone works in the AGD if they call the Attorney, Kyam whenever they reference him.
Defence SA
On a night out on the town, your department credentials will suddenly become apparent when you start telling fellow drinkers young people need to toughen up and could do with a good dose of Defence Force discipline.
For you, life works better when you respect the hierarchy.
You are good with a naval or army salute and you are a sucker for a pair of shiny black boots or a well-made bed.
You are often caught between lamenting the lack of defence jobs in SA and the need to recruit thousands of defence workers.
Frigates and Air Warfare Destroyers appear in your dreams and your most hated movie is now Groundhog Day after a series of cancelled federal government plans for building submarines in this state.
Still, you are smug in knowing defence is at the top of the tree, haven’t you heard the Premier telling us your sector will be the saviour for all of our children’s futures?
Department of Education
If you work for the education department, you’re probably checking this sentence for spelling errors. But to be fair, you’d be doing that even if you weren’t a teacher.
That’s because no one likes following the rules more than you do. You’re a high achiever, who loves order, control and telling people what to do.
But beyond that, you’re kind, resilient and take the meaning of calm to new heights.
You have unshakeable patience. Which you often have to call upon when dealing with big feelings … You’d just prefer they were kept out of the staffroom. And away from parent-teacher night.
All this underlying tension leaves you feeling undeniably burnt-out so you’re also probably counting down the weeks until school holidays (four, not that you need reminding).
But you’re quick to caution others from being too jealous of your ten weeks of holidays each year – you’ve worked every weekend this year and are already feeling stressed about week zero in 2025.
Department of Energy and Mining
It’s all about BHP and Santos for you despite the constant calls from junior mining explorers wanting to find resource riches in other parts of the state.
Still, you feel lucky to have a minister that loves the big end of town and understands the nuances between talking about “transition gas” and “transition copper” instead of big emissions and climate change.
Speaking of climate change, you also now know most Extinction Rebellion protesters by name after seeing them outside so many mining conferences.
You were probably more drawn to finding fossils in the Flinders Ranges than fossil fuels when you first ticked geology in your uni degree application.
But you quickly discovered the big-paying jobs are all in mining and now your one hope is that any big new find is well into the Outback.
Those pesky greenies living near a mine site in the Adelaide Hills are doing your head in.
Department of Environment and Water
If you spend more time looking at trees and caring for koalas, but leaning on a shovel, then you’re likely a proud employee of the Department of Environment and Water.
You’re likely confused with any conversation about elephants because “trunk” can only relate to pipes and infrastructure.
There’s likely a garbage bag in your car and your beach or hill walks often descend into mini Clean-Up Australia Day event – fitting, since you’re probably wearing the shirt.
You either had — or still have — a poster of Captain Planet and you proudly work for the department that totally owns two of the five powers needing to be combined.
More attuned to the variable weather, you make it your life’s mission to do something about climate change, a topic your friends outside the department know not to raise with you over the dinner table.
Oh, and there’s a strong chance your nickname is Doug. Because shovels, and digging, and the environment.
Sharks are also your friends, never food.
Department for Health and Wellbeing
You know you’re in health when your mates come down with the plague and you’re weirdly immune because you’ve seen it all — or treated it.
Kindy teachers envy you in their first terms and want your superpowers.
The “wellbeing” portion of your department is best monitored by your smart watch that counts the million steps you take a day — and not even just for coffee.
You learn more about your overall department’s performance via The Advertiser because you never have time for internal staff memos and you couldn’t pick your minister out of a line up — but you know Mali — he promised to fix ramping after all!
You know you work for the Department of Health and Wellbeing when you ‘sorry I can’t’ is a suggested text on your phone, because unfortunately you can’t make another event – you’re rostered for yet another shift, saving lives.
Nurses favourite drinks are Farmer’s Union — it’s right there in the name.
You’re constantly confused when getting texts from your non-med friends because RN means registered nurse, right?
If you’re in the media section, you likely know Brad Crouch’s phone number better than your mum’s, and have ensured any property you ever own will be on flat ground lest the need for a slight incline reminds you ofthose figures.
And you’ve given up explaining Grey’s Anatomy is in no way accurate.
Department for Housing and Urban Development
You are one of Champion’s champions who know all too well how difficult it is to get housing in SA.
Most likely you’re a millennial or Gen Z still trying to break into the market and want to make it your personal mission to make it easier for you and your loved ones to one day be an illustrious homeowner.
Your passion is project management, and organised all the school holiday activities for you and your siblings and no doubt that involved plenty of time spent fighting each other for turns building homes and neighbourhoods on The Sims.
Your favourite Parks and Recreation character is Mark Brandonwitz because city planning seemed like such a fun job and Adelaide’s streets have been a calling for you, despite most likely having grown up in a country town.
Department of Infrastructure and Transport
You know you’re in the infrastructure department when the seating chart for the bureaucrat Christmas party has your name miles away from anyone in the education department.
Turns out they really don’t want to hear you “don’t need no education” to chuck another brick in the wall.
As a youngster you had one of those floor mats with the roads and street sign prints before you graduated to Lego and Meccano sets.
Your fear of heights kept you out of tower cranes but as a forward thinker, you figured out what would be needed – just left the finer details to the architects.
Also one to have a niche understanding of trunk not only being an American boot or Dumbo crossword clue, you likely know where to dial before you dig so you never get a leaky pipe.
Department of Primary Industries and Regions
Your smartly polished RM Williams boots and well-worn moleskins immediately set you apart from other department employees.
So too does your PIRSA variety of conversation starters.
Who else can happily chat about the latest report of downy mildew in grenache grapes or the success of the state’s sterile fruit fly facility during a well-deserved coffee break in the shared office kitchen?
No doubt it is a coffee break beginning with a quick check of the fridge to ensure no one has pinched any cherries from the fresh box delivered to you that morning by a co-worker.
In your heart you know it’s your department that keeps the state’s wheels turning despite those Labor types in government struggling to know their barley from their linseed.
You won’t complain about their lack of attention though, not when you are so busy checking when it will rain next.
Besides, everyone knows it’s more important to be monitoring latest crop yields and tying up drought support packages than promoting the great outdoors like your flashier parks and wildlife counterparts.
Department of Treasury and Finance
You wanted to work at one of the big four but didn’t pass the interview stage and figured a government job is safer anyway, you get better superannuation.
The suits who call the department of treasury and finance their ‘work home’ work there because they tried tax for a private firm previously, realised they couldn’t cut it and moved to the government for a better work-life balance.
People may believe that South Australia’s accounting systems are world-class, but those who work in the department know the system hinges on a software that looks like it was created in the 80s.
Called Masterpiece, the software is far from a masterpiece, with a black background and lime green font, it looks like something out of the Matrix.
Sorry if this wasn’t that funny, but c’mon can accounting really be that funny.
Department of Premier and Cabinet
If you work for DPC you probably wanted to be a politician but got stuck on your journey to the top. But you get to hang out with Mali all the time anyway so same thing, right?
You can’t help but feel superior over other government departments because you are at the centre of the action — which is exactly what you tell yourself every day as you head into another meeting about making SA bigger and better.
At the end of the day everything has to pass through your hands and years later when it does, WOW what a rush!
You love to tell your non-government friends that you and Mali are “real close” even though you saw him once across the room at a Christmas party. But he smiled at you with THAT smile and it was amazing so now you are besties for life.
Oh and you can’t watch any episodes of Utopia because it is extremely triggering.
Electoral Commission of South Australia
Your life is based around four year cycles, not because of the Olympics but because every four years it’s your time to shine.
Ballot boxes get you excited and you check your letterbox everyday to see if there’s any electoral material because if there is — it’s show time baby.
You think political scandals are nothing to sniff at (pardon the pun) because if someone steps down it’s your time to step up.
You probably hosted a watch party for the US Election so you could impress your friends with your knowledge of voting and use it as an opportunity to explain the Australian system.
You have a poster of Antony Green on your wall and get annoyed when your friends make fun of his smart board not working once again on election night.
They just don’t get how hard all this election stuff is!
* Our lawyers wanted us to add that anything mentioned in the above list might or might not be factually correct.
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Originally published as What the South Australian state government department you work for says about you
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