Coles, $4.50 (on special from $5) for four, or $1.13 each

Imagine this: you’ve bought the brightest, sugariest raspberry jam you could find on the supermarket shelf, taken it home, and (to the shock and horror of your loved ones) just poured half of it down your throat. It’s almost painfully sweet, uncomfortably sticky, and the unrelenting flavour clings to your mouth for hours. That’s how this pink-hued hot cross bun with wet globs of “jelly” makes me feel, but with the added texture of soft white chocolate chunks and grainy desiccated coconut. Only hardcore Iced VoVo fans need apply.

Coles $4.50 (on special from $5) for four, or $1.13 each

This Frankenstein of Easter tradition and schoolyard nostalgia glows like a bright orange hazard light, warning us that supermarkets may have taken things one bunny hop too far. But one bite and I realise it’s just a stodgy almost-burger bun with a gratuitous cross, dusted with a layer of pungent cheese, paprika and tomato seasoning. The heavy, lingering aftertaste does recall some long-forgotten memories – not of primary school packed lunches, but of dusty mornings in my early 20s, huddled over the kitchen bench, eating cold pizza.

Woolworths, $4.50 for six, or 75 cents each

I discover the straw-yellow brioche buns in a picked-over pop-up stand by the self-checkout registers. They’re still hard and partially frozen, the bag wet with condensation. Any naive and romantic notions I held of buns baked fresh in-store, filling my local Woolies with the seasonal smell of cinnamon and chocolate, immediately dissipate. But once thawed, these buns are perfectly fine – not as buttery and rich as I might expect from brioche, but with a gentle sweetness, generously studded with milk chocolate chips. A good value choice.

Coles, $4.50 (on special from $5) for four, or $1.13 each

The packaging boldly declares these buns “taste like Australia”. I expect an onslaught of umami, like a tourist slathering the blackened spread thickly across their toast at a hotel buffet breakfast. Fortunately, not so. The flavour is surprisingly mild – an inoffensive, savoury addition to our lineup of unconventional buns. Expect a dense, bready bun covered with a thin, oily sheen of melted cheese, golden outside but with an unappetising, slightly grey interior. It could prove a solid, seasonal substitution for bread in your cheese toastie. 

Bakers Delight, $1.90 each

This is a fancy hot cross bun that will appeal to die-hard fans of the traditional. The golden toasted crust, warming blend of spices and dried fruit all feel familiar, but they’re amped up by squishy sweet dates and the substantial chew of thick, caramel fudge. My only gripe is the intensity of the sugar glaze, so sticky the bun hardens and dries around the edges, making it feel prematurely stale. Yes, “sticky” is in the name, but given that buns are typically eaten with your hands, it feels excessive. 

Woolworths, $5.50 for four, or $1.38 each

Expect a stodgy, sweet bun containing a generous gloop of the popular Belgian biscuit spread Biscoff. For those unfamiliar, it’s delicious: caramelised, crunchy and buttery (despite a notable lack of butter – it’s technically vegan). Those flavours carry this bun through to the top 3, despite a raw, doughy texture that sticks to the roof of your mouth. It is much improved by an encounter with a sandwich press, which warms the filling and makes it ooze from the sides, softening the bun and caramelising its edges. Pan-frying would also work, but a toaster could prove messy. 

Woolworths, $5 for four, or $1.25 each

You’ll need some fairy magic to find these buns in stores - they’re so wildly popular in NSW they’ve almost sold out. But are they really that good? Or are we just collectively obsessed with the childhood delicacy that is fairy bread? Maybe it’s a bit of both. The buns accurately replicate the experience of eating fairy bread, from the speckles of colourful sprinkles throughout (and the added packet of hundreds and thousands), to the faint smell of sweet white bread thickly slathered with butter.

Woolworths, $5 for four, or $1.25 each

Australia’s love affair with Cadbury’s caramel-flavoured white chocolate Caramilk continues, long after The Great Caramilk Shortage of 2019. And while the hot cross buns are nothing new (introduced December 2021), they remain incredibly popular and difficult to come by. Compared to the Biscoff bun this is fluffier, with lightly caramelised edges, a rich taste of caramel and large chunks of Caramilk throughout. Brighten the (pre-frozen) flavours by slicing and toasting the bun (or maybe pressing it into a waffle iron?), serving it with vanilla ice-cream for an indulgent Easter brekkie.